On a Break? 6 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Resuming Your Relationship

Once in a while, we need some time and space. However, the road to clarity is never straight when it comes to relationship hiatus.

There are all sorts of reasons why two individuals who love each other may decide they need to hit the brakes in their relationship. A break is not necessarily always the beginning of the end of the relationship.

If you are thinking about putting your romantic activities on pause, here are six questions that you need to ask yourself before jumping right back in and to make sure that when you finally resume those activities with your partner, you are doing it for the right reasons:

1. Why Are You Going on Relationship Hiatus?

Like, really. Why are you really taking a break in your relationship?

It is vital to be sincere with yourself about why you choose to suspend all romantic activities with your partner until you are ready again. Until you can pinpoint the root of the problem, you will not resolve anything.

Is it a breakdown in communication between you and your partner? Are you experiencing financial difficulties? Do you feel like the relationship holds you from pursuing your dream career?

If you can identify your exact reasons for the relationship hiatus, expressing how you are feeling to your partner will be easier for you.

The clearer you make your reasons known to your partner, the more likely you and your partner will reunite with a newfound appreciation for one another.

Simply ensure that your motives are sensible.

Maybe you want to go on a relationship hiatus to inform your partner that if they do not make the necessary behavioural changes, then their love story will hit a brick wall.

However, think about whether you have been truthful with them and allowed them to mend their ways before you put forward a suggestion that is potentially as radical as a hiatus.

Or perhaps you want to go on a relationship hiatus because there are monumental things in life that you and your partner disagree on, like having children or moving to another city upon marriage.

If you know heartily that neither of you will budge, it may be a breakup you must think about next, not a break.

Do not just ask why — ask yourself, “Why now?”

Why do you want to distance yourself from your partner right now?

What is different this time?

Going on relationship hiatus is not something you should decide upon amid an emotionally-charged discussion. It never harms to step back for a while to regain your emotional composure and level-headedness. The last thing you want to do is say something that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

2. Is Breakup a Certainty?

There is a general idea that going on relationship hiatus marks the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Excuse me, says who?

Whilst that is not always true, some individuals use a break as a form of stepping stone toward a proper breakup, which gives breaks an undeserved reputation.

Many individuals do not buy the idea that breaks can ever lead to a healthier, more meaningful relationship.

Moreover, we lie to ourselves that our partners will enjoy more when we actually cut the ropes if a relationship hiatus has given them an opportunity to get themselves accustomed to the notion.

The truth is, that is just wishful thinking that we come up with to help cope with the remorse.

If you are aware from the bottom of your heart that you want to call off the relationship, do not waste your time going for the pause button. Instead, just hit the stop button.

Your partner will probably spend the break agonising over your choice, whilst you know deep down that breakup is a result that can be predicted with certainty.

Hard as it may appear to be, and as much as you may want to avoid this unpleasant situation by pretending that it does not exist, if you want to get rid of it all, *add Nike’s most memorable slogan.*

The quicker the relationship comes to an end, the quicker you can both get on with your lives and find happiness again.

3. Do You Wish To Remain in Contact With Your Partner?

You need to make up your mind about whether or not cutting off completely during the relationship would be beneficial for both of you.

For a certain group of people, and under certain conditions, having no contact can mean they have an opportunity to observe things with greater clarity and gain additional perspectives.

Keeping in touch can muddle your ability to think logically and reach a sound decision. What is more, distance can be quite revelatory.

4. Are You Prepared To Put Them Behind You?

Relationship hiatuses are a perilous line of business.

Even if you have time to think about it and come to the decision that you really want to revive the relationship, your partner may have a different feeling about it, even if they did not want to take a break in the first place.

No promises can be made when it comes to relationship hiatuses. If you cannot accept the notion of life without your partner, you may want to stay away from the idea of taking a break.

Instead, you and your partner have to join hands to put the relationship back on the right track, whether that is done through compromises or counselling.

Listen to your heart but do not make a decision out of desperation. Instead, give the messages in your heart some time to bloom more, and it will eventually inform you whether or not you truly want this person to be your forever partner.

How many of the reasons you put together to remain with this person are genuine reasons, rather than excuses or weak justifications, like how logistically complicated a breakup would be?

5. What Is the Usefulness of a Break?

If you and your partner have yet to go through that stage of living together, it is reasonably easy to go on relationship hiatus from a practical perspective.

However, what if your relationship has travelled beyond that? What if you rent an apartment together or even jointly own a property? Who will be the one to pack up their belongings and leave the door?

Will the person who leaves the building still be obliged to pay for the property you both currently own?

What about the rabbits? Or the dog?

Heck, what about the kids? If both of you are parents, how on Earth are you going to communicate it to them, and how will it work in terms of preserving a somewhat healthy parent-children relationship?

The more jumbled up your lives are, the more you will have to consider how a break is actually going to work.

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One More Question

How are you going to spend your time during the relationship hiatus?

Do not waste your time cleaning every square inch of the house or watch the entire The Lord of the Rings film trilogy.

The trilogy has its place. However, you must make the most of this period to perform activities for yourself and determine whether your partner’s presence means a lot to you.

Focus on yourself. Do more for yourself. Socialise with friends. Travel even if you are not planning it. Try that yoga class you have been dying to go to for months.

Rediscover who you are as a person, free from your partner’s existence. Remind yourself that, delightful as they might be, they should never be the sole reason why your life is filled with joy and meaning.

Saying it is one thing. Doing it is another.

However, do not lie to yourself about your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may make you feel. Then, when the moment has come for you both to reevaluate things, be upfront with your significant other.

Either way, you will know it was the correct move to make.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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