One of the Most Important Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship

Choice is a powerful thing. When you choose something, the world magnetizes around you to help make it happen.

Too often we imagine a groundbreaking moment where we will choose to be with our partner for life, once and for all. Perhaps it’s at the altar, a proposal or simply just making it past the first rocky period of dating.

The reality is that you can’t make this choice once. You need to choose your partner over, and over, and over, and over again.

Choose your partner when the going gets tough.

Choose your partner when they are dealing with a crisis or ailment in their life.

Choose your partner when faced with multiple stressful events.

Choose your partner when struggling financially.

Choose your partner when your eyes wander and you think the grass might be greener on the other side.

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Why this is important

Choice leads to contentment.

It’s exactly like that saying: “Want What You Have.”

Choose to want their new curves or greying hair or extra wrinkles or quirky personality or frustrating pet peeves.

The bedrock of a healthy relationship is making that choice.

I once remember talking to a former manager of mine. She explained to me that every wedding anniversary, her husband and her have a cheeky but candid conversation about “Hey, do we still want to do this together?”

Although you can have a formal conversation, this exercise doesn’t actually require your partner’s participation. After all, you can only control yourself.

Make that conscious choice on your own terms and see the magic unfold in your perspective about your relationship.

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Try this in action

Humour me for a moment and try this really simple exercise.

What is one pet peeve that bothers you about your partner?

For me, it’s that my partner doesn’t always respond to me when I first ask him a question. It drives me nuts to repeat myself.

Now, fill in the blank with that pet peeve and literally say this statement out loud:

“I choose [my partner’s name] and ____________________”

My example: I choose Jav and his tendency to not answer when I first ask him a question.

Oof. It wasn’t easy for me to say at first. My mind immediately wanted to come up with excuses.

But here’s a harsh reality: You will not change your partner.

That doesn’t mean they will never change or improve. But it will not because of your poking, prodding or cajoling. They will change because they want to and they are ready to.

The intent of this exercise is about shifting your perspective. The more that you choose your partner, the happier you will become. I wrote more about this effect here:

Important caveat: If your partner is clearly overstepping your boundaries or using abusive behaviours — this does not apply. I encourage you to find deep and thoughtful support better suited for your circumstances.

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Final Thoughts

The point I want you to remember is that life requires you to choose your partner over and over again. You will be hit with adversity and difficult moments all the time.

Choice brings acceptance which creates contentment and happier days ahead.

The choice is always in your hands.

With love,
Megan

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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