An Open Letter to Men Who Hit on Me in the Park

Dear Random Men,

My neighborhood park is my haven. It is my place to write, my place to study, my place to exercise, my place to think, and my place to dream. It is not the place I go seeking anyone else’s love but my own.

Though I am not actively looking for a romantic partner in my most precious place outside of my home, I know love can present itself anywhere. So I may give you a chance if you go about it the right way.

But know you are probably not the only man who has hit on me in the park that month, that week, that day, that hour, or even in the last 15 minutes.

Some of my friends say, “At least men hit on you,” or “Where else are men going to find you? You are always at the park.”

Still, a lot of the time, it gets overwhelming, and I leave those interactions feeling anxious, worried, and scared, and sometimes feeling annoyed, especially when it happens back to back to back. All I want to be in the park is at peace.

So, if you decide I am a woman you want to get to know, please know the following:

1. I don’t want to walk or talk with you right now.

OK. You’ve seen me, and you’ve decided to say hi and have even complimented my smile. Thank you, I appreciate it. You’re cute too, but 90% of the time, I am there to burn calories in a certain amount of time, or if the weather permits, I am there to write or to study. Sometimes, I do all three, and you are messing up my routine, especially if you decide to stay for 20 or 30 minutes.

I have goals. I will gladly take your number, or you can take mine, and we can meet up another day when we both have time.

2. I don’t want to workout with you right now.

On more than one occasion, men will start running the stairs with me without asking if I want a workout partner.

No, they aren’t there to workout themselves. I choose one area on the stairs at the track, and I run only in that section so other people can claim the other sections. Men will run in my section with me when there are three or four other sections available to them and try to start a conversation interrupting me from my workout and my playlist.

I would love a hot guy to work out with but not now. I will gladly take your number, or you can take mine, and we can plan a workout day when we both have time.

Also, please don’t stand guard, so it looks like we are together and other men don’t hit on me. I am not yours, and you are not mine. Please leave!

3. I don’t want workout advice right now.

Often, men have come up to me while running the stairs to “motivate me” to move faster.

“You have to challenge yourself,” they say, as if choosing to run the stairs at the track a few times a week isn’t challenging enough.

For your information, sir, I am dealing with an ankle injury, and so I run up the stairs and walk down, but I do it for 45 min to an hour. Once men see I do it for that long (Yes, sometimes they stay with me the entire time or pop in and out), they say, “Oh, you run them for a long time. That’s a long time!” Yes, sir, because I know how to challenge myself while also trying not to aggravate an injury.

I don’t need mansplaining when it comes to intensity. I know my body. But I will gladly take your number, or you can take mine, and we can talk about a few partner workouts we can do together. We can correct each other’s form if need be then.

4. Don’t follow me in your car.

I don’t know why I have to say this, but don’t follow slowly behind me in your car. Why do I even have to say this? It’s scary! I will definitely not date you.

5. Don’t tell me how often you see me in the park or tell me you’ve noticed I have taken a different route.

Now you sound like a stalker, and I won’t want to date you. I don’t think I need to elaborate.

6. Please don’t try if it’s dark out.

My number one concern is my safety, and if you try to approach me at night, I may drop kick you (I kickbox), run, pepper spray you, or tase you. So nighttime is probably not the best time to ask for my number. If we are meant to be, we’ll meet again in the daylight, and in the daylight, you won’t get hurt.

I am writing this, understanding it may be difficult being the gender expected to make the first move. I appreciate the courage and the compliment, but please keep my feelings in mind while you’re doing it.

It’s OK to approach me (in the daylight), compliment me, tell me you’d love to see me again, exchange numbers, and leave. 3–5 minutes max. That way, we both leave the interaction feeling safe and wanting more.

Thanks,

Jehan Senai Worthy

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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