Call me a cliche, but one of my favorite quotes is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If you’ve spent any time on the internet, you’ve likely read these words, too, probably because they resonate with almost everyone we know.
Think about it. How often do you sit around and look at somebody else’s situation and think, “Damn. I wish I had that.” It could be a car, a home, a partner, you name it. Humans are notorious for looking into our neighbor’s yards and wishing we had what they have.
It’s a human problem. I’d bet you cavemen were looking at other cavemen’s caves and thinking, “Look at all the space in here! How did I miss this spot?”
But social media intensifies our envy. We can sit in our home and scroll through stories of our Junior Year lab partner touring their brand-new home with a walk-in closet that we definitely don’t have. We can watch our old neighbor compete in another marathon like jeez, David, we get it, you’re super fit. We can analyze our former colleagues’ family portraits in awe of the perfect family we see.
But as we dream about the perfect home, body, and family, we often fail to see the beauty in front of us. We also fail to see the complete picture in others.
Our former lab partner? Deeply in debt.
David, the marathon runner? He lost his sister, an avid runner, to cancer and chooses to run marathons in her honor.
That perfect family? Oh, buddy, you’ve got to know there’s no such thing, right? You know those parents were stressed getting their kids’ outfits together while yelling, “Don’t mess up your hair!” during the photoshoot.
We spend so much time looking for joy anywhere but home because home seems so ordinary. Vacations are where we can find joy, right? Or maybe the zoo, the merry-go-round, the fancy dinner, or the movies. Joy can be found in a number of exciting places with high price tags, but make no mistake; ordinary moments are littered with joy.
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I love fatherhood because it’s a constant reminder that nothing makes sense. You can spend $100 on a new playhouse and spend hours putting it together, only to realize the box it came in is way more fun for kids because it’s cardboard. Cardboard can slide down the stairs with their stuffed animals!
I love the zoo, but watching these neighborhood squirrels run around trees is significantly cheaper; sometimes, the kids may enjoy it more anyway. We do our best to make memories for our kids, and I am truly fortunate to be surrounded by fantastic kids’ museums, local parks, and countless activities to get wrapped up in, but there is no price tag or travel requirement for joy. Joy can be found in the ordinary. Joy thrives in the ordinary.
Joy can be found in a praying mantis that hops onto your blanket in the middle of your picnic.
Joy can be found in the retelling of a story about the time Uncle Darryl fell into the lake trying to reel in a big fish.
Joy can be found in the breeze and the swaying of trees on a Sunday morning after the power goes out.
We don’t need to search the ends of the earth to find joy. Joy is dressed up, waiting to be discovered, and hoping to create a lifelong memory for you.
As dads, we don’t need to compare ourselves to that dad down the road. I bet his Ooni Pizzas are to die for, but that’s not what your kids need. Your kids need you. They need your attention, focus, love, and joy. If I can replicate that pizza, then great! But if I can’t, I am just as worthy today as I will ever be.
There is no need to compare your journey as a dad to anyone else. Can we improve? Of course we can, and I hope we do. But please never lose sight of the fact that your kid loves you for you, and there is no greater joy than that.
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Looking for a new children’s book? I wrote one! It’s called Is This Your Favorite Ice Cream? and it’s available in paperback and hardcover. You can find more info on our website, Be Ice Cream Or Be Nothing, a space dedicated to family, ice cream, and connections.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash
