Patterns During No Contact

Being in no contact with someone is like a Deja vu, remembering parts of your life you are not sure happened or have been there at all.

The hardest part for me is always wondering if they miss me too, if they feel the missing part, the longing if keeping no contact is the right choice.

It does get better with time if we are strong enough to keep it and more than keep it, don’t get engaged if the other breaks it. The memories start to feel less painful, the feelings begin to get in order, and if you are lucky enough you start to forget how their laugh and voice sounds.

As a person who has gone no contact several times, it doesn’t get easier, you just get good at your patterns while you’re in it, but the feeling of waking up and realizing something is missing happened every time for me.

My patterns while going no contact won’t say it’s the healthiest one, some behaviors aren’t the best however this has helped me to stay in my corner and endure while the storm passes.

Reading old text messages.

This is my main one, spend at least two weeks reading old messages, all of them, the good ones and the bad ones.

With the good ones, usually, my brain goes searching where everything went wrong, what changed, and how it turned out to be no contact. The bad ones are the comfort ones, it gives a clear sense of all the times I felt bad and tried to patch it, all the nights I went to sleep feeling sad after sharing my feelings.

It helped me to read the old messages, I do want to say it has an expiration date, I tried to do it the first few weeks, and from now on then when felt nostalgic, but I don’t advise you to continue doing it all the time or every day it can do more harm than good, leading to break no contact.

It’s a fine line between reading them to feel near that person and avoiding reaching out and being caught up in the nostalgia of the text and thinking it could be just as it was

Going ghost on social media.

When we are in no contact chances are you have this person on other socials like Instagram and that feels like your only way of reaching out, I think is going to depend on the type of people you are in no contact with and your attachment to social media.

If they are very active on Instagram, I choose to mute them at least for a couple of months until I feel like whatever they are posting is not going to change my mood. It is true that when they are constantly posting on social media it gives you a sense that you still know about their life but it can do more damage than good.

You could have the best day and as soon as they post they are having a great time it feels like you never existed.

To my luck almost every guy I have been in no contact with is not active in posting on social media however they do scroll through it and watch my stories, so that’s when I’m the one who goes ghost to prevent myself from posting things just to get their attention, because is far worst when you are waiting for then to see your story and nothing happens.

I’ll probably get out of Instagram for a couple of weeks and it kind of helps to focus on something else.

If you are constantly on socials and don’t feel like going ghost your best option is to mute them, that way you make sure not to see whatever they are doing and you won’t be tempted to post for their attention since they can’t watch it either.

Hobbies.

It keeps my mind focused and helps with the void of that time I used to spend with that person.

Usually increase the time I spend on them, if I used to go to the gym three times a week, probably will go five times now, if I used to read one book for a month, will read two.

It’s important to find hobbies you enjoy doing, that way you won’t feel like is an obligation because you are in no contact, is just going to feel like something part of your routine.

Talk about it.

I have a great support system and I’m aware not everybody has it, but it does help when you talk about it and hear some other points of view.

I tried not to sound like a broken record, probably talk about it in the first few weeks, or on a random day to vent everything that happened to someone I trust will give me a clear point of view and some comfort if needed.

Also when the people you trust the most know you are in no contact, they will keep an eye on you to avoid for you to cross the line and break it.

Going out.

I’m an overthinker which means it’s necessary for me to go out from time to time to not lose my head and emotional stability.

While no contact I’ll try to go out, go to dinner, a bar, visit a friend, even do grocery shopping, and grab a coffee afterward, just any activities that will get me out of the four walls of my room and my mind.

It’s easy to get in that loop of going out every weekend, partying with friends, and sedating your mind to not think about the fact you are missing someone, It is important to keep distracting yourself but not overdo it, soon you’ll find out you couldn’t be alone with your thoughts it happened to me once it was draining and waste so much money, so I learn how to go out to change scenarios and not out of desperation.

Safe to say I’m not an expert in no contact, some of these stuff as I said are not healthy and you need to have restrain for it not to become a toxic trait but have helped me so much, every time I think about breaking no contact wonder if I’m willing to put a restart button and go no contact all over again, to mess up the progress and it does the trick.

With time I came to realize is not always so bad sometimes is even a good thing for both involved, it gives you a sense of who you were and who they are and distance puts everything in perspective, it could be the both realize they need it each other at the end or they are better off and in any case that’s good news.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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