What’s your

cigarette story?

 
Everyone has one, because even if you’ve never so much as thought about taking a drag, there’s a history and reason behind your abstinence. In my case, I’ve never been a smoker, but I grew up in a family where that was the exception not the rule.

Both of my parents smoked, as did my grandmother and several aunts, uncles and cousins. Growing up in the 70s and 80s meant never being more than a few breaths away from a lungful of exhaled toxins, since the concept of not smoking in the house (or pretty much anywhere) wasn’t invented yet.

My mom smoked during both of her pregnancies and probably would have kept on doing it for the rest of her life, were it not for the heart attack she suffered in her late 50s. Not having any access to cigarettes for the months of convalescence and recuperation she went through proved to be enough to get her to finally quit.

My dad wasn’t as lucky. He gave them up at the same time, but unlike her he could actually get out of bed and leave the house and constantly see other people smoking. He’s gone on record that it was hardest thing he ever did, but he did do it. Love turns out to be a pretty powerful motivator.

Fortunately for me and my brother, the ubiquity of cigarettes in our lives zapped them of most–if not all–of their appeal. “Wow, you’re as cool as my granny!” I occasionally mocked kids my age who were convinced smoking was their gateway to badassery. And as someone who has run screaming from adulthood for the majority of his life, seeming more grown-up was never an incentive for me to do ANYTHING.

Still, I did try them. Just to attempt to see what the appeal was. Problem is that I’m not much of an “acquired taste” person. It’s the same reason I don’t drink beer. I was never able to get pass the point where the “Yuk!” went away. And they never made me feel anything except coughy.

When I would ask folks why they enjoyed smoking, they almost always described how the ritual of it relaxed them and made the stress they were feeling go away. “But isn’t the major reason you’re feeling stressed in the first place is because you’re constantly craving nicotine?” I would ask. They would usually insist otherwise, but I never really bought it. More often than not their lives weren’t that much more stressful than mine was and I didn’t need to take a smoke break every hour.

A couple years back the ad agency I worked for took on a Canadian e-cigarette company as a client, which meant we were given free samples. The thing is that in Canada, though, e-cigarettes are legally prohibited from containing nicotine, so they mimic the act without any of the actual pleasure. In this case, it’s SOLELY about the ritual and trying it again in this context only left me with more questions than answers. Inhaling chocolate and coffee-flavoured water vapour was novel for a few days, but that ended very quickly, leaving me only with the least-flattering photo of a human being ever taken.

 
So while I am familiar with the reasons and motivations people give for smoking, I can’t say that I truly understand them. Perhaps you can give me a better insight. Or maybe you’re like me and just don’t get it and probably never will. What’s your deal with cigarettes?
 

And can you provide

an even less flattering

photograph?