Have you ever noticed that when watching a movie or television series that a person starts to grow on you with the character they play?
Have you ever noticed that if that person turns evil they lose that appeal, that attractiveness? I do!
Maybe I’m one of the few this happens to, I don’t know. I’ve watched women fall for men because of their looks, charisma and then after a bit in the relationship they find out he isn’t the man she thought he was. She continues to stay because she loves him and I wonder where is the “love” feeling coming from? Can’t be his personality.
I’m not that way. I imagine it happens with men. They rarely admit to me. I had one man I dated recently and he really seemed like a man I’d want to build a life with. He was a long distance relationship, but we made it work.
When I ask him why he married his ex-wife he said: “Because she was gorgeous!”.
I asked when he found out she had Borderline Personality Disorder why he stayed, he said because of the children. That seems to be a common reason. Though in this case, not the truth.
His kids would have been better with him. I suspected he stayed because she was attractive and had a great personality when she wasn’t in her depressive moods. He was hooked on her.
I started to see a different side of him. I watched other things he said and did. What I realized is that he was very much into “how things look to others”.
That often makes me wonder if I’m in a category that few people are part of when they realize that the person’s personality makes them more attractive and when it changes – so does their looks.
It’s a sign of being healthy and secure. If the person in the movie becomes more or less attractive with the revelations of the character they play, that means you have healthy filters.
There actually is science behind this. I’ve taken a course on it by Allison Armstrong. They have researched on the scale of 1-10 of attractiveness, that if you date a person that is a “Ten” to you, you will make decisions you most likely would not make otherwise.
I experienced this concept several years ago when I finally met a “Ten”! I rarely do because my ten is rare to find around this area. Luckily I noticed my desires and my inability to speak and being twitterpated.
I chose not to continue to date him because I knew that it was going to cause me to feel inferior and not make the healthy decisions I’d need to make. He didn’t make me feel inferior, I did. Because my brain was clearly on some kind of chemical high and though it felt good it also caused me to have certain feelings that were not grounded.
I watched Brain Game once where they did a test of people ranging in looks from 1-10. They put a number on each participant that they couldn’t see and then lined them up in two lines facing each other. They were told to walk over to the one that they were attracted to, physically. Very interesting show of how we categorize ourselves in the “attractiveness” category.
It’s a fascinating science to delve into, for sure. Educating yourself on this, understanding your choices can lead you to make healthier choices in choosing a long-term partner.
For me, I’m very clear that a man’s looks will change as I get to know him and see what kind of man he is. That attractiveness might grow and it might diminish depending on his qualities.
I’m reminded of this every time I watch a show that has evil vs good plot. The man that is confident generous, chivalrous, protective, loyal and has integrity turns me on, if he changes to an abusive, mean, unethical, non-loyal man who is thinking of himself, he because so unattractive to me.
Watch yourself and what turns you on in the way of attractiveness and what turns you off. It can be a thermometer of what you need to work on and what you need to change in your thinking. What really matters to you and what is just an ego trip.
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