17 year old Bradley sheds light on his generation and the stereotypes about them.
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Answers below are a response to What Does it Mean to Be a Teen Guy in the 21st Century?
“What assumptions are we making about you?”
Many adults that I have talked to assume that every teenager they meet is the product of the generation they fall under. They assume that being a teenager, you are the carbon copy of your peers that make up this generation, and the stereotypes that come with it. I can’t count how many times an adult is dumbfounded when they realize that I can hold an intellectual discussion with them for extended periods of time. The look on their faces is priceless.
“What are the pressures in your life?”
Behave, do what your told, and try your best not to speak your mind. Heaven forbid you have something to say back to an adult even when they are acting domineering. I face this on a consistent basis. Intelligence is a very acceptable trait as long as you do not disturb the status quo, or challenge/question authority.
“What do adults need to understand about your life?”
I would like adults to understand that I may be younger than you, but my thoughts and what I have to say matter. I am one of many that will be the future of this nation and this planet. The ideas I have for it, and what I will choose to do inside of it; are directly correlated to how you treat me as an independent thinker and individual.
“What do you need from your parents, teachers, coaches, etc?”
I need a healthy balance of support and silence. Be there when I ask questions, i have hundreds of them every day. Give me the time to think about what it is that needs to be done; don’t rush me, it puts unnecessary stress on my mind and life.
“What are your thoughts about “hooking up?”
We all go through puberty and it sucks. The only thought that passes through your mind is how you are going to please that carnal desire. Honestly, and to be blunt: Sex and dating are both extremely overrated. Relationships in high school are bound to fail, we are all incredibly misinformed about what it is to care, and be intimate with another person. People my age go through so many romantic partners in such little time, and expect to know what it means to be in a committed/faithful relationship with another human being. I’m not talking about the physical aspect, no the important stuff: who THEY are as a person. Through puberty you thought that sex would be the greatest thing on the planet, but in truth (for me at least) I no longer have a desire for it at this point in my life. The first time I had sex was awful. It’s messy, you don’t know what you’re doing, and there are so many risks involved. I think I’ll wait on “hooking up.”
“What are your thoughts on the friend zone?”
The friend zone is something that I have never experienced personally, but I do know what people, and countless internet articles say it’s like. In my opinion it is the classical “nice guy” who likes a girl that he really shouldn’t be going after. If a person expresses their romantic feelings to you, either show it back, or end the connection between you. Honesty is the best policy, and people get hurt less if you don’t let it drag on. But this is not just limited to guys; this can be attributed to women as well, in the same context as stated above.
“How do you handle rejection or someone hurting your feelings?”
Everyone gets rejected at least once when they are playing the dating game. Iv been rejected two times in my life. For me a romantic connection is a difficult rabbit to snag, so when I found myself in that situation I was at my most vulnerable; and when they rejected me I have to say, it hurt like hell. But one thing I did pick up on after the second woman I fell for is, “Love is a maze, the right will be the one to come along and lead you out, but for now just keep walking, watch your feet, and don’t trip on any stones.”
“What makes you angry?”
I can’t say that I am an angry person anymore. When you’re pissed off at the world, testosterone and adrenaline pumping through your veins; you can’t think straight, and you don’t do shit right. Self-control and self-esteem are the two things you can improve on to be a more peaceful person. Calm your nerves, evaluate the situation, relax, and most of all just breath. It took me years, a few court cases, a whole lot of pain, and many years to figure this out. I wish I could have realized this much earlier, so much would have just dissolved from my mental landscape.
“What are you scared of?”
Now that’s a tough one. I’ll keep it short and sweet: I came to the point in my life that fear is the greatest enemy of progress for my personal growth as a human. May it be your personality or your beliefs; you have to keep pushing forward. Don’t hesitate, go, run, do what you need to do. I want to live a life where I know that I didn’t regret a single choice that I decided to make. May it be finding the courage to go up to a gorgeous woman and start a conversation, or jumping out of a plane at 50,000 feet knowing something could go wrong. You can’t just sit and wait because sooner or later your chance is going to pass you up, and she will get up and walk out of your life, without ever knowing you existed. Its clichéd but it works: “Just do it” and let nothing stop you, not even the devil himself.
“When is the “guy code” unfair?”
I’m not sure exactly, I always thought that the guy code was sticking up for your bud no matter the humiliation or the pain involved. You have his back and he has yours. Sometimes you’re the leader, sometimes you’re the wing man. Don’t intentionally cause your bro pain in any way, all in all just be considerate of your fellow bro; ya got no idea what he is going through. I don’t see any way these unspoken commandments of bro could be unfair, maybe I just don’t get out enough.
“Have you ever been discriminated against?”
No, personally I have never been discriminated against for my race, sexuality, or gender. It is confusing and illogical to me why people treat their fellow humans in such a manner. We are all born the same way and we all end up in the same six foot hole. We are no better than the person standing next to us. Be humble, kick your ego in the balls, and stand up for what is right. Once again I don’t understand why this simple thing is so difficult for so many. Respect is earned not given, we are entitled to nothing, but we are expected to just be respectful in the first place. Keep it cool keep it professional, if you don’t care for someone. The more hate you dish out the more hate you will get back. Love and understanding is the solution, stupidity is the question.
“How are teen guys portrayed in the media?”
That really depends on what kind of guy is portrayed. I’ll stick to the stereotypes: Tall, lean, muscular, brand new clothes, new haircut, lots of friends, no major issues in {family, social life, money}, and supportive parents. The real guy: Between 5’6 and 5’10, 19- 25 % body fat, outfit that costs less than 100$,variety of hair, and moderate amounts of friends. It’s a lie to think that every guy’s life is picture perfect. The list goes on and on with the problems that any guy could be facing, at every given moment.
Photo: CassandraJowett/Flickr
Teenagers can teach us alot. My teens, I have a boy and a girl, teach me something new every day. They have taught me forgiveness, unconditional love, support and understanding. They keep me motivated and many times I find myself agreeing with what they have to say. Im proud of you for paying attention to some of these key issues and for taking time to express yourself so well. All the best!!
Bradley, great article- thank-you! “Many adults that I have talked to assume that every teenager they meet is the product of the generation they fall under. They assume that being a teenager, you are the carbon copy of your peers that make up this generation, and the stereotypes that come with it.” As someone who was 17 in the 20th century, I must say that the echoes of those sentiments are very familiar; and we would all do well to be reminded of that. I think that no one ever truly transcends their generation, their times- we’re… Read more »
I feel a whole lot better knowing there are such thoughtful young men like you out there. I wish you all the best in the life that awaits you.
Thank you both
Hmmm interesting.
I teach and I’m equal parts amazed and alarmed when interacting with teenagers.
Amazed because, yes they can see and articulate the solutions and problems in their world. Alarmed because I do believe that the culture has forced them to grow up a incredibly fast. But I have faith, because so many teenagers are questioning and searching for answers. They want dialogue or at least an audience while they monologue.
So keep it up Bradley! I look forward to reading more of your work.