Proof He’s Just Hiding Away

In relationships, we may want to avoid conflict at all costs. The reality is that we need to have productive arguments at times. It’s how we solve the issues that are bound to arise in a partnership.

While many couples may hope to avoid arguing entirely, it’s not a realistic standard to set. Sometimes, a man may be conflict-averse. While it sounds like this could be beneficial for a relationship, it’s actually the opposite. We need to hash things out calmly to create a healthy partnership.

The frustrating habits of men who avoid conflict at all costs:

1. They say yes when they mean no

If a man avoids conflict, it’s not surprising that he may be overly agreeable. Instead of putting his foot down when something bothers him, he may continue to let it happen. They don’t want to ruffle any feathers. They’ll say yes even if they wish they could say no. This could be making plans or letting something that hurt their feelings go without standing up for themselves.

This can be frustrating. Avoiding conflict can lead to lasting problems. Instead of being honest with themselves, they become agreeable to save face.

2. They find a way to get out of having difficult conversations

No one wants to have difficult conversations, especially in a relationship. When something comes up that needs to be addressed, it can be overwhelming. Sometimes, we’ll do anything we can to avoid the conversation. However, that only puts a temporary band-aid on the situation. It can be frustrating when a man will do anything to avoid having a complicated but important conversation.

The truth is, we need to have the conversations, no matter how long we try to avoid them. If a man always dodges conflict, he may have the frustrating habit of wiggling out of difficult conversations.

3. They bottle their emotions

It can be hard for men to share their emotions, even if they are not looking for excuses to avoid conflict. Male vulnerability is often seen as weakness. It can be hard for them to be in touch with their feelings. When it comes to sharing them, especially when they are trying to avoid conflict at all costs, it can be impossible. Instead of talking things through, they may bottle up their emotions.

Though boys are born with the same emotional capacity as girls, they are often taught to keep their emotions bottled up. This can cause serious issues in their relationships and problem-solving abilities.

4. They become passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressive people often express negative emotions indirectly. Instead of being open about what is bothering them, they make rude, hurtful comments. They may think this habit can prevent conflict, as they can try to pretend there wasn’t malice behind their words. Instead of tackling the conflict head-on, they may make excuses to avoid it entirely. They hope to get away with what they’re saying without a fight breaking out.

“Passive-aggressive men are often (but not always) distinguished by the fact that they are expected to fulfill the supposedly traditional roles of males (i.e. powerful, successful, independent, aggressive, in control) on the one hand, but unable or unwilling to do so in relation to strong social systems in their lives (i.e. parent, partner, work) on the other,” says Preston Ni M.S.B.A., for Psychology Today. “Inhibited to express themselves fully and yet needing to validate perceived male gender expectations, some men resort to passive-aggressiveness in an attempt to gain power and control.”

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This post was previously published on medium.com.