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They say ignorance is bliss, but I know otherwise: knowledge is power and sometimes waking up to knowledge can be painful. So, in an effort to be a part of the change that I want to see in the world, I am urging my son and my daughter to think feminist. The earlier they learn, the better. The less time they spend de-programming and deconstructing the pervasive white, male patriarchal dominant thought patterns that condition people to oppress others, the better quality of life they may have. Ideally, they can spend the majority of their lives making choices that promote equality and freedom for all people.
One day last week after hiking with my children, my nephew, and some friends, I stopped at a gas station looking for air to add to a leaking tire on our truck. Two men pushed their faces into my truck and spoke over each other, eager to give me directions to another gas station which had an air pump. Three other men in the background hooted, hollered, and whistled like animals in heat, breaking their necks to stare.
I was sitting in the car and I had hardly made any eye contact. I was pissed off.
“That’s so rude and disrespectful!”, my eleven-year-old son scoffs and rolls his eyes.
“What’s that? Those disgusting men back there?” I ask as I drive off.
“Yes.”
“Who are they being rude and disrespectful to?” I ask.
“Me.” He says.
“Oh. Because you are my son?
“Well, yes?” he asks.
“Brother,” I lovingly say, “I am the one who was disrespected back there. Every time that a man whistles and hoots and hollers at me, I am disrespected. I understand that you feel that those men should respect you because you are my son, but I am disrespected foremost. Can you imagine what it feels like when a woman is “psssst” at? The hissing and being called sexy as if it is a compliment, and no less, in front of her children? Think about it.”
My son thought about it.
“It is rude to you.” He agreed.
“What do you think that girls think of boys that whistle at her in a group as she walks by? Would she stop to talk to them?”
“Some would.”
“You’re right. Some would, but only because she feels obligated because it is acceptable for men to behave that way and it is expected that a woman should be used to that behavior even if it makes her feel like an object, or makes her angry, or makes her afraid. If a girl stops to talk to a group of boys who are whistling at her, she may be afraid to ignore them, or she may even feel like she is getting positive attention. What do you think?”
“I don’t think that a girl should be whistled at. It’s rude.”
“What would you do?” I ask.
“I would politely ask to speak to a girl on the side. I wouldn’t whistle at her, or call her shawty, or slim, or sexy.”
He’s smiling that thousand-watt smile that he is famous for, and my serious face melts into laughter.
“Beautiful! And you will be appreciated for that.”
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Drisana is a self-described womanist•student of my children•creative•extroverted introvert•writes to breathe #vibratehigher. Inspired by the poet Sonia Sanchez, who proclaims, “Power–the point of having power, of knowing something, is to empower others, Drisana builds on her independent research, her background in sociology and women and gender studies, and her lived experiences to write the often invisible and complex experiences of people out loud. She works in the luxury retail sector as a makeup artist by day. When she is not working her day job, she is mothering her three children, facilitating workshops on social justice, practicing yoga, making hair potions for her daughters and writing to breathe. Although she is forty, she identifies as an imperfectly perfect awkward black girl. She lives in Summerville, South Carolina where she is raising her two daughters. Her son is a college freshman in Atlanta, Georgia.
You can contact Drisana on Facebook where you’ll find more of her powerful posts.
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Photo courtesy of the author.