Lincoln Anthony Blades’ quest to learn about rape culture led him to realize that society simply doesn’t take male victims very seriously.
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Since the Steubenville High School rape case verdict was announced in March of this year, I have kept a keen eye on all rape issues that have occurred in 2013 because I truly believe many of us are ignorant about our society’s struggle with grasping what rape culture truly entails. From the New Delhi gang rape case, to Rick Ross’ “U.O.E.N.O”mdrama over his molly-lyric, to seeing Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight get rescued from Ariel Castro’s house, there has been a lot to report, and I’ve definitely learned a lot more than I’ve ever known about rape before. But there is one thing that I found out this year while following these rape stories that I never really paid attention to: A lot of boys and men are victims of rape to, whether at the hands of other men OR women. As much as I hear (and agree with) the sentiment that rape is NEVER funny, the sad thing that these men’s sexual assault stories revealed to me is that rape, apparently, is a LOT funnier than I thought.
When I heard these men’s tales, it reminded me of one of Dave Chappelle’s most brilliant stand-up routines:
The brilliance of the joke is what the subject of his humour really is. It’s not the victim or the actual act, but society’s response to how we view male rape. His assertion that “society don’t give a f*^k about male rape” is 100% accurate because investigating these male rape cases has definitely helped illuminate some harsh realities on how we each individually respond to hearing a man was the victim of a violent sex-crime. For example:
On April 7th, a 19 year old man was sexually assaulted in a car by four women who offered him a drive home after a party. The suspects were all thirty year old white women, approximately 5’4 and 200 pounds. The general response to this story: “Too bad those women were built like linebackers because if they were sexy, that would be every man’s dream!”
On July 26th, Cierra Ross allegedly held a man up at gunpoint and forced him to have sex with her friend in the backseat of her car. The overwhelming response: “I’m confused. Was her friend a male? Because that’s the only reason I can see him being forced to do it.”
On August 23rd, a 27 year old female sex ed. teacher named Rachelle Gendron was charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year old male student. The top comment on the article: “Lucky boy, he had the best training and advice.”
And I can name many more, but the overall theme is the same: Rape is NOT a joke – unless a MAN is the victim.
Many times when a male is the victim of sexual assault, we often ask “how is that even possible?” because we firmly believe that it’s impossible for a man to produce an erection when he’s being forced, but that’s simply ignorant – and I know because I’ve been STUPID enough to voice that very same thought in group discussions before. The problem is, we have so few serious conversations about male rape that it’s easy to be oblivious to the real circumstances surrounding it.
I’ve heard countless people say that even joking about rape is not funny – but then those same people will roll on the floor laughing at Michael Jackson pedophile jokes about the Neverland Ranch. Some of the same people who say there’s no such thing as sexual assault humor will let the phrase “don’t drop the soap” easily slip off their tongue, as if that’s not belittling male victims. In fact, when we talk about jail, the idea of men being raped has become such a palatable reality that one doesn’t need to be in the confines of a comedy club or a private gathering to utter barbs at the expense of these men:
I’m not sure if we ignore what happens to men in jail because we think it’s unavoidable, or because we secretly believe it’s the price they pay for being criminals, but it definitely falls outside of the “rape is not funny” sentiment that we are often presented with.
So before you decide to comment on an article, online or offline, and make a “hilarious” or ignorant remark about a male victim, just ask yourself one simple question:
“Would I be making this same joke if the suspect was a WOMAN?”
LAB
Originally appeared at UPTOWN Magazine
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.
Good comedians don’t just make you laugh they also make you think. Comedians are philosophers with jokes, from Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, and George Carlin to Mitch Hedberg and Louis C.K. Telling a comedian that he can’t joke/talk about rape is the same thing as telling a philosopher that he can’t. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, war, slavery, torture, rape, a good comedian can take a topic like that and make you think about it in a new way–and he’ll do that while still making you laugh! Check out some of the comedians above and you’ll see how… Read more »
Rape is a human issue. We need to drop the gender wars bull$&!t and get on with supporting each other; then we can finally start doing right by ALL rape victims. I’m a survivor. So are two of my best friends, who are men. I saw first hand the descent of black despair they felt at male rape jokes, that hopeless feeling they had, that they would never be heard. In fact, we had similar experiences in that way. So I believe this needs to be a human issue. With more men in this country raped every year than women… Read more »
Hi Copycat
You write:
✺”2. No topic is off-limits to humor, nor should it be. Rape jokes are perfectly valid, no matter what
gender the victim belongs to.”✺
I don’t think you mean this.
What a bout sexual abuse of small children , incest, torture, gassing of people in Syria…….slavery,…the list is long.
Is it OK to make jokes about issues like that?
Two points:
1. A sex crime is equally horrific no matter what gender the victim belongs to.
2. No topic is off-limits to humor, nor should it be. Rape jokes are perfectly valid, no matter what gender the victim belongs to.
In cases where readers can rate the comments, the top rated comment is usually a sober reminder that assault has life altering consequences no matter what the gender of the victim. Some people don’t get it, but MOST people do. The problem is, elected officials don’t get it. In most countries, including the United States, the law still defines “victim” as the person who is penetrated during the assault. In the United States, the definition is: “Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of… Read more »
Anthony, women were 16% of lifetime rapists and ~40% of rapists in the 12 months period, they’re not as likely to be rapists but are quite likely to be rapists, far more likely than many previously said.
When rape is treated as a joke in many facets of society there is a problem. But is it possible and ok to laugh about rape in the nervous manner such as Dave Chapelle did?
Listen to the tone with which this story is reported: http://videos.huffingtonpost.com/husband-dies-after-rape-by-6-wives-517426893 Notice “he stopped breathing… causing many people to call the incident a rape.” so not the being threatened with sticks and knives and forced to have sex against his will, then? No that just made it a “sex march” as the reporter calls it. I don’t know about the validity of the story, but if you do an internet search you’ll find it listed on a lot of news sites (some of them with the inaccurate headline “Nigerian man raped to death by six wives” – whereas in fact… Read more »
Ah the paragraphs I tried to quote got mistaken for html tags! I’ll try again. When they burst in, he was writhing on top me like a hippo sunbathing in mud, his sweaty beer-swollen stomach almost crushing my ribcage. I prayed to any god listening to please stop this. As if in reply, I peered from beneath my husband’s bulk to see the five other wives glaring at him. He rolled off of me and hollered, “What the hell are you all doing here?” No answer. Instead, Wife #3 said, “Get him.” The wives dropped their robes, striding toward the… Read more »
Rape is not funny regardless of who is the victim. I have had a serious problem with male rape being depicted in popular culture such as on “Weeds” and “Get Me to the Greek.” Nobody calls them out and holds them accountable for it and I am frankly horrified by that.
May I ask if you really mean the last sentence to say “suspect” instead of “victim” or survivor?
The way I interpreted it took me straight back to Jodie Fosters brilliant and disturbing movie “the accused” -the title was, I believe, influenced by the high statistical probability that the prosecution and others in the legal system would refer to the victim as the accused, thus revealing the inherent attitude to a person making a rape allegation.
Good article. I feel there are other factors besides the ones you mention in play. One is this feeling it seems among many that awareness and concern are somehow finite, a sort of zero sum kind of thing. You know, as if somehow expressing concern over male rape and it’s victims will diminish concern over female rape victims. Another thing I feel is a factor is Male disposability. Especially for ‘Prision Rape’ as most convicts are regarded as ‘Human Discharge’ anyway by much of society.
Yes I’ve seen that exact sentiment. Something like, “Rape is horrible no matter who the victim is….but it’s more horrible for female victims.”
You can see the same sentiment in domestic violence.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve stopped watching comedy movies because of the male rape scenes.
It’s just ridiculous.