If you’ve followed my black ass for some time, you’ll know I help elite men date elite women and spend a lot of time showing men how to crush it on dating apps.
So, with that in mind, I’m going to break down an interaction I had with a model from Miami, which led to us swapping Instagrams and agreeing to meet up as soon as I’m in the city.
It’ll show you where you might be going wrong and how to do it right.
You ready?
Here come the pain!
Please pay attention to who she is and what she’s passionate about
I opened the chat by saying:
So if we ever meet, it’s clearly gonna be a doggy beach food date.
Because I could tell she was passionate about all 3. Firstly, she had a pic of a dog in her profile. Secondly, she had a dog-lover listed as an interest; and thirdly, her bio said she could be bribed with dogs.
This woman was clearly gaga about pooches; only a madman would ignore that. Moreover, she also said she could be bribed with food and had multiple bikini pics and a pic at the beach, so she was clearly passionate about them, too.
If you’re consistently ghosted by women, it’s because they think you’re boring. But guess what? An easy way to be more interesting is to talk about things they already like.
Look at a woman’s profile and ask yourself who she is. Why has she marketed herself the way she has? Why did she use those specific pics and not any of the other 3500 she has on her phone and social media? Why has she written the things about herself that she wrote about herself?
Analyse her profile the way you analyse situations at your work.
As you can see, she then said:
Um, wow, hello 😍 you are so sexy. Are you from Miami?
I told her I was not from Miami but would be there early next year. I then playfully called back to her bio by saying:
Currently on the hunt for fantastic humans to bribe with food.
I did that for the same reason I wrote my opening message: I knew I’d be much more likely to get her invested in the conversation if I anchored it to things she liked. For instance, her bio said she could be bribed with food. This meant that when I mentioned it, she would always form that same pleasant mental image and anchor it to me.
Something you need to realise about female attraction is that it’s all about the emotions they associate with you. If they associate good feelings with your black ass, you’re golden. If they feel bad or even neutral emotions, you’re sunk deeper than the RMS Titanic.
Which is pretty damn deep, son.
Before I go on, let me stress that this woman literally told me exactly what she wanted to hear. All I had to do was have the wherewithal to pay attention to her signals.
Anyway, she liked both of those comments (because she’s having a fun conversation with a cool guy about things she loves) and said:
I would be your girl then 😘
Which was a blatant case of qualification on her part. To quickly summarise, qualification is when someone tries to prove themselves to someone else. When a man’s on a date telling a woman how much money he makes, he’s qualifying himself to her. He’s doing what he can to ensure she thinks he’s good enough.
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Oh, and as yet another tangent, if you’re a man who does that on dates, stop immediately. Women find it gross, disgusting, ugly, weak, pathetic, and lame in that specific order. Yes, they like it when a man’s got money, but bragging about said dinheiro screams small-dick energy.
I’m not gonna lie; it will help massively if she knows you’ve got access to resources, but she needs to find that out organically. You can’t go out of your way to let her know it.
Anyway, I then said:
If that’s true, I might need to go ring shopping.
This is a great line I sometimes use when I want to validate a woman in a clever way for having lived up to one of my standards. It’s a creative way of saying I’m going to marry them, which makes them chuckle.
For any woman who wants to begrudge me for having a few choice lines in his back pocket, try to see things from our perspective. We’re expected to be:
- Funny
- Witty
- Charismatic
- Strong
- Confident
And so on and so forth (as my Dad would say).
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Like the cut of my jib? Follow me on Telegram, Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook.
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We’re expected to lead the conversation from start to finish and do so in a smooth and stimulating way that blows your mind. It’s tough to come up with new material at the drop of a hat. Bill Burr & Dave Chappelle have canned lines they know are gonna crush, so why can’t regular men?
Ladies, scroll through your last 20 dating app chats and honestly ask yourself if everything you said was new, fresh, and off the cuff? Was it really?
If you really think having a few lines to make women laugh is some mortal sin, then do me this favour: make a male profile on Tinder, and try and get just 3 dates in a week.
I had a friend do this once, and she found it traumatising. You will, too.
Anyway, tangent done.
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She liked my comment about ring shopping and said:
It says you’re 10,000 miles away 🥺
Again, this was great because it meant she really wanted to meet and was upset it wouldn’t happen soon. It also implied she was happy to swap contact details.
I said:
For the next couple months. The best things come to those who wait.
- She liked that comment (notice she keeps doing that) and said:
Well, I’m excited to meet you one day 🥰
So I moved in to get her details.
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Here are a few things to pay attention to:
Asking for a woman’s contact info at the wrong time will have her turn into The Ghost of Christmas Past faster than you can say bah humbug. Read the room and do it when she’s really vibing with you.
Also, notice that my vibe in this chat is chill. I’m not even slightly try-hard, and just as significantly, I’m leading. Women are attracted to leadership qualities in men, whether they admit it or not.
You should also realise that I never once complimented her looks, and here’s why
It’s precisely what every other man does. Dating is about standing out. You must be novel and unique and build sexual tension in a non-creepy way. If I told her how gorgeous she was, she’d have said something like:
Awww, thank you!
And been less excited about me and the conversation as a result. If I kept doing it, her attraction would continue to plummet. If you disagree I invite you to go to your Tinder or Hinge or whatever, and see what’s happened when you as a man have showered women with compliments.
Didn’t work out well, did it?
As a man, you want your compliments to mean something and be impactful when delivered. Not to be white noise she ignores, so don’t throw them around willy-nilly.
Also, her attraction was sky-high from the start because of my profile. Still, with how many men are in her inbox competing for her attention, I could have lost it easily if I didn’t know what he was doing.
I didn’t do anything stupid to lose her initial attraction, which was just as important as getting it. Every man here’s had women who looked like they were in love with him turn into Ghosty McGhostface Killah.
It’s how the game’s played.
Excelsior!
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Happy client, happy coach
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I’m quitting as a dating coach in a few months so if you want me to coach you this is your last chance. To make 2024 the year your dating dreams come true, book a call to see if you’re a fit for my coaching program.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Becca Tapert on Unsplash
