Everyone knows there is no way to go back in time. We can do so in our minds, and often that causes some heartache — we yearn for that butterflies in our stomach feeling when seeing our sweetie.
But what recourse do we have when those colorful moths have long gone? What can be done when the novelty of that once electric connection has lost its spark?
There is hope….it’s called dating re-visited.
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The Assessment
It sounds like stating the obvious to say each person must decide for themselves if their relationship is worth saving. Sometimes, we fall into the routine of our union’s existence without giving it much thought. Otherwise, we might make a bunch of excuses.
According to Bolde.com’s article on some of the signs to look out for in an unhealthy bond:
- Daily Challenge — for sure relationships require work, but it shouldn’t feel like an every day continual, painful struggle
- Abusive Tendencies— verbal, emotional, and physical abuse are clear indications it’s time to part ways
- Communication Breakdown — if the words shared are less loving and compassionate, if arguments turn bitter instead of kind and constructive, an evaluation is necessary
- Vulnerability Gauge — being in a safe space with your partner means you should both feel free to share vulnerabilities without being judged or criticized or lectured
- Apathy Factor — when you just don’t [or your partner doesn’t] care about what’s going on with the relationship, it’s likely already too late.
If the above play a role in your life, and you feel there’s no way to remedy the relationship, it’s best to exit. However, if your assessment reveals other reasons to continue the romantic association, then roll up your sleeves and get ready to work on it (with your partner’s involvement, of course)!
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The Fun Stuff
It might seem natural to find over time the little spark is no longer as bright. We become busy with work, the kids, extended family, social obligations, and other projects. Our time is limited and we just don’t “have time” for our partner.
Life gets in the way.
The truth is, we’ve allowed other persons and matters to take priority. Once you notice something isn’t right in the relationship — action begs to be taken! And here’s where the opportunity to make changes comes knocking at your door.
Putting the bubbly buzz back into the relationship can be lots of fun. Think of it as getting to know each other all over again. Viewing your union in terms of its novelty is almost guaranteed to get the warm, fuzzy feelings flowing.
Insider’s article offers tips to guide you:
Try Adventure
Be adventurous together and push one another to try new things!” “It’s scary but you always have the support of the other person to push you!
Word Variety
An “I love you” a day is so important to cementing a bond with your partner, but sometimes other words are needed. Sometimes phrases like ‘I’m so proud of you,’ or ‘you really mean a lot to me’ communicate more feeling that makes your partner feel all warm and bubbly inside.
Safe Spaces
Your partner should be comfortable sharing some pretty sticky topics with you. Create an environment where each partner always feels they can express their desires, whatever they may be. Perhaps the other partner isn’t willing to fulfill that desire but is willing to listen, and perhaps find an alternative that both are comfortable with.
Talk Sex
Physical intimacy is important in any relationship and keeping sex in your frequent conversations is imperative. You always come into a relationship with a person for whom you have strong desires physically or carnal instincts. These is normal, natural, and very healthy. If you omit ‘sex’ — the relationship ceases to exist!
And if you can’t have sex, it’s fine (if you are in a long-distance relationship, or you can’t do it for other reasons) but do talk about it. It keeps the ‘spark’ alive. And talking about sex means more than discussing or fantasizing about it. Just simple, plain flirting and teasing each other, being naughty for your partner — [these can work wonders]!
Learning The Language
Everyone expresses love differently. Understanding that intimacy begins long before we enter the bedroom, we begin to become aware of each other’s love language. Making conscious efforts to show love throughout the day in the language the other needs to receive [is imperative].
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Time Will Tell
Certainly, there are many options for bringing back the sweet and juicy flavors to a romance. What works for one person may not be so advantageous for the next. The key is a willingness to have an honest and compassionate conversation with your partner or partners (in cases of polyamorous folks).
Likely, one of two things will happen: either all involved agree to make changes to the benefit of the union or they opt to split ways.
Time may not heal all wounds, but it does allow us to perceive signs of what’s going on in our relationships. Sometimes all we need are a couple of date nights to spice things back up. Other times a serious sit-down for some self-intervention to analyze pain points.
The point is to communicate with loving kindness and to actively listen to all parties involved. Figuring out a game plan where everyone in the union is a winner can be one of the best choices made because committing to healing a relationship is one of life’s treasures.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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