Research-Backed Thin Line Between Good Men and Abusive Guys

Everyone’s explanation focus is different. He’s a billionaire. Hello! Power corrupts. Those guys know who they can manipulate, coerce, and groom. Or they’re part psychopathic. Because such guys lack empathy.

Others say such testosterone beings don’t like women. A smaller group believes these men don’t allow themselves to see women as humans. Only tier women’s bodies based on services rendered. That’s why public outcries involve talk of “It could be your mom, sister, or aunt made a victim.”

All valid reasons.

Then what’s the logic behind — not all men, but none correct each other.

Because all men are capable of harm (yes, women too). And cause isn’t talked about enough, if at all. As therapy speak increases online, the cause earns the term — audacity. Close but incomplete.

Where’s the tiny line?

It’s created by delusion. Here’s a sad truth I realized. Men like Epstein and his fellow mentors run on delulu while good men chase dopamine highs.

The difference is serious. Dopamine is the craving hormone. This brain chemical makes you motivated. It fuels wanting. A great example is lust or weaponized incompetence. You’re maximizing personal pleasure within accepted societal and ethical boundaries.

But delulu. Delusion is an unshakable conviction despite evidence proving otherwise. Perfect examples are grandiose, godlike self-images and miscontruing events to preserve one’s beliefs. In this instance, you go beyond others’ boundaries to please yourself. Delulu men have a compulsive need for control and power. As if these make up for a rough childhood and terrible life experiences.

One of the most famous cases, in my opinion, is Ted Bundy. Ted represented himself, adamantly maintaining his innocence. His resolute stance was so intense it made thousands also think the accusations against him were the actual injustice. He waited over a decade to admit guilt. Confessed mere days before his execution.

Delusion has abusers thinking they’ll get away with it. Period.

No matter how extreme their actions.

Yes, some research does says excessive dopamine chasing can change your personality. So, addicts are capable of harming themselves and others. But their motivation behind their attacks isn’t to take someone else’s agency. Substances both decrease decision-making functioning and withdrawal encourages manipulation to gain access.

Meanwhile, inflicting hurt due to delusions is a rage-based choice. “Because how dear others threaten their profound (false) belief.” Delulu predators think their actions are justifiable. They use reasons such as retaliation, righteous punishment, and self-defense. Why? As they perceive non-compliance as endangering their absolute truth. That is, dopamine addicts believe they have control over their preferred substance.

But delulu predators believe they have control over other people’s free will, boundaries, and agency, as their perception is reality. And they must help you see things their way. Just think about the last talk you had with someone who had an unshakable conviction in their beliefs. What happened after they got angry you didn’t agree with them? They likely said stuff that made you feel unsafe. Uncomfortable. If nearby, marched threateningly into your personal space uninvited.Think about how abusive relationship victims are so on edge about upsetting this person by disrupting their sense of control.

The Thin Line.

Delusion also differs from cognitive distortion.

Cognitive distortion involves blaming others, exaggerating bleak realities, and seeing others as having cruel motives towards you. A key maker of cognitive distortion is irrational thoughts like, “My last relationship failed. Putting myself out there ever again is pointless.” “She left in the middle of the argument; the relationship must be over”.

Let’s look at Jeffrey Dahmer’s story. And how this plays into the thin distortion-delulu line. His mom left first. Then his dad. He developed a problem with romantic partners leaving. So he likely had cognitive distorted thoughts, as many guys do, “The person I’m with is leaving; they must be rejecting me.” But good guys stop here. Walks away. But Jeffrey convinces himself he can possess his partners and keep them from leaving him. This conviction grew into a habit. His way of keeping partners permanently.

Clinical delusion research shows anger links abuse and delusional beliefs. During an angry, acute need to command others’ behavior, abusers lose touch with reality (psychosis), causing threat/override symptoms and delusions associated with aggression and violence.

So, in a moment often referred to as ‘bind rage’, abusive men overrule people’s free will by force to ensure nothing contradicts their self-belief of their godlike importance or precious reality.

Who are the associates delulu men prefer? People with lower autonomy. Because individuals lacking independence often shrink to protect themselves, allowing the abuser to feel more in control. And the cycle of shrink-expand worsens because power is never enough.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.