The English language is full of dirty words, and one that makes men go running for the hills is the word “romance”. How do you respond when your partner says they want more romance in your relationship? Let’s set the scene. Eyes rolling, long exhale and the shoulders slump. A feeling of failure and disappointment inevitably fills the air. People are always comparing notes on how romantic or not romantic their sweetheart is, making it impossible to measure up. Why does this word keep coming up in conversation? Enough with the romance talk already, right?
To the masses, romance has been something of roses, chocolates and grand gestures that only knights in shining armor are capable of. With episode after episode of the Bachelor on T.V., no mere mortal could possibly come close to replicating that of what the media describes as romance. With fairy tales, Hallmark and Hollywood movies, it’s no wonder romance has been given its dirty connotation. Let’s strip the social definition away and look at the word from a psychological perspective.
Depending on the source, romance has been defined as “an emotional attachment between people. To court, woo or arouse the interest of, to treat with chivalry and to influence by lavishing attention or gifts”. It’s no wonder people often feel shackled by what romance should look like and feel coerced by media. Some people despise romance and swear it off while others claim they just don’t get what all the hype is about and even more claim to be failures at it. All is not lost; there actually is a simple way to up your game without giving in to the social constraints.
How do you navigate the murky waters of this dirty word? I believe most people get it wrong by clinging to the part that says, “lavishing gifts”. Consider the definition and let’s dive in a little deeper. In addition to the above meanings, romance is also defined as “a feeling of excitement associated with love. Remoteness from everyday life. To indulge in daydreams or a colorful life”.
Let me ask you, what in your life do you absolutely love that brings you a feeling of excitement? What do you daydream about to separate from the ho-hummery of your daily responsibilities? What has you feeling alive with all your senses? Can you think of a time when you smiled for no reason at all and you had a little pep in your step, what caused that?
For some, this feeling may be experienced by navigating a sailboat on the open ocean waters. Do you feel transported from your burdens and emotionally connected with your soul while the wind is in your hair? Do you engage in high adrenaline activities that make all your senses come alive and elation fills your body? Are you so enchanted by your favorite sports team that you would shout from the rooftops your undying devotion and memorize all the important stats? Fishing, building, cooking, spending time with your friends who make you laugh, are more examples.
What does all this have to do with romance? Everything. When you are emotionally connected to something that you love, it will bring you pure joy, allow you to feel excitement and give you a colorful life. The feeling you have with your favorite sports team is an all-in feeling. You memorize stats, you celebrate wins and suffer the losses. You notice all the details of the players and the game and you go out of your way to support that team. You are connected to your favorite activity which you love so much that you can’t help but go out of your way to make every moment count.
When you are emotionally connected to something, a type of romance inevitably occurs. Romance with your favorite team is not unlike romance with your sweetheart. When you first started dating your sweetheart, did you look deep into their eyes and memorize every speck of color? Do you still remember what they wore and the details of conversations or the first kiss? Did you daydream about how the date might go? Did you feel excitement associated with the possibility that this could be something great, maybe “the one”? Did you go out of your way to be on your best behavior and make them feel special? Does your body tingle at the thought of sexy time with your sweetheart? Do you anticipate the feeling of their kiss when you’re at work or driving home alone? That my friend is romance.
Romance is not a dirty word, but it has been given a bad reputation and drug through the mud. We forget that romance can be as simple as enjoying the moment to its fullest potential. It’s escaping from the routine of life and dreaming of possibilities. You really are a true romantic when you can be present in the moment, soaking up all of its glory.
—
Shutterstock
