Sad Things About Valentine’s Day (Now That It's Over)

You survived February 14th, the most romantic day of the year, the fantastic Valentine’s Day.

If you can’t detect my sarcasm, please let me clarify; it was drenched in it.

Make no mistake: I believe that love and connection are the entire purpose of life. All types of love, including romantic love, love for family, love for community, and love for friends, are important.

But that leads to the nonsense of one day to celebrate love. It’s a silly day to stress people out and spend unnecessary money. I appreciate the concept that we’re forced to pause and think about outward expressions toward the people we care for. There is beauty in that, and it’s sure better than floating around being angry or, worse, being numb to your lover.

But expressions of love aren’t afterthoughts in line at the grocery store while you’re picking up a pound of chicken. Yesterday as I was indeed buying a pound of chicken, I was standing in line with several men frantically grabbing whatever bouquet or crappy boxes of chocolate they could find. Around me, I keep hearing similar conversations. Young and older men saying things like,

“hold on, I just gotta pick up these crappy flowers, and I’ll be on my way.”

Or maybe it was a more mature guy who went all out and bought the $40 bouquet instead. Yet he had the same hurried/annoyed look as if it was an afterthought on his way home from work.

It reminded me of a time after my divorce when my 10-year-old gave me a couple of carnations. My ex-husband was shopping at the grocery store and threw in the cheapest, saddest-looking flowers. My son handed them to me, and unfortunately, not being my best moment, I threw them aside and gave him a lecture about being thoughtful. I still feel bad about that, but now it’s a running laugh here: how crazy Mom feels about carnations.

Side note: I bet my son won’t ever give a future partner carnations.

I wasn’t mad at my sweet son; I was angry at my ex-husband for being so careless about our relationship and never taking the time to love me or us. Our marriage felt like a cheap handful of carnations, an afterthought.

However, he was trying to teach my son to be thoughtful. The intention was good, but the execution was not.

The price of flowers,

The quality of the chocolate,

The dinner

None of that matters; it’s all about prioritizing each other daily. I love a crappy carnation or a lousy piece of chocolate. But no one wants to be an afterthought.

This Valentine’s Day, I was single. I poured my energy into work and my children. I had a few moments of longing for romantic love. But the trip to the grocery store made me remember how grateful I am to wait for a more profound love.

It’s important to remember that Valentine’s Day and all days don’t have to be solely about romantic love. It can also be about showing love and appreciation for friends, family, or even yourself. No love should ever be a wilted carnation tossed in at the check-out lane.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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