Self-Care for Men Who Neglect Their Body and Mind

Take good care to take good care

We more often think of women doing self care than we do men. This is for many reasons. Women have “spa-days,” “mommy time,” “girls night,” “a makeover/ do over.” There are plenty of terms and descriptions for what we call self care.

What do men have? Some people will note that men have always done self-care — nurturing and caring for self that is healing, reinforcing, and supportive. Maybe it is just called by other names: “time for myself, a bit of space, bro time, sports, letting off steam,” etc.

But then we get into some problems with language and terminology. Is there some reasons we just can’t acknowledge men need self care in the name of “self-care?”

Culturally, it seems to be frowned upon. Men do indeed find ways to replenish and sooth themselves, but we can’t seem to acknowledge that this is okay under terms like “spa day.”

You’re so vain

Then there is an added burden of men feeling like it’s more manly to be independent, rugged, and sort of roguish.

When women take care to groom or put on make-up it is often seen as for the male gaze. Is a guy going to wear a face mask facial without feeling like a sissy? But this puts women in the role of being pretty for men, and not for herself, or for her bonding time with other ladies.

There are traditional habits that keep men from doing self-care.

Men are simply indoctrinated to see physical pampering and grooming as somehow “girly” things. Take for example, hair styling and grooming. Men are often taught that paying attention to this type of primate bonding behavior is more feminine than masculine.

Indeed, in the chimp world, grooming helps define hierarchy. But human beings have bigger brains and can learn better social skills if we bother. We also have the intelligence — if we choose — to know how to use touch for alliance and bonding.

In modern culture, we are also programmed to believe that any nurturing habit is more female than male. This is not inherent in our biology, it is learned culturally.

Such attitudes have all sorts of consequences, everything from women’s razors and hair products costing more to men feeling they are more ‘manly’ if they don’t try to coordinate and accessorize their outfits.

Other areas where we see large cultural differences are things like dance, music, crafting, ‘baby-sitting’ and volunteering for charity work.

To practice any of these can be self-nurturing and fulfilling. But we often think of these practices as not being in control enough, dominating enough, or that they are somehow prissy or wimpy.

The truth is that any service to others is very gratifying and supportive of self worth, self esteem, and self love.

Mutual massage is a great example. Men and women can take turns, or even alternate days.

Times are changing and so is self care

Change is the one thing that is certain. There are cultures that have come and gone where dressing up, doing yoga, dance, exercise classes and more have been without gender dictations.

Think of times past when men went to elaborate lengths to dress in silk, wear high heels, powder their wigs, or have others dress, polish, and groom them.

Some of this is lost today because services such as dressing, feeding, and grooming have become known as service oriented, gendered for females primarily, and are monetized.

We simply need to get back to believing that it’s not only okay to nurture and indulge ourselves while we care for others, but that there is nothing manly or womanly about doing these things.

In the mind of self care

There are also self care practices such as mindfulness, meditation, spirituality, and nature immersion that all men and women should do.

Because nature (culturally female) has historically been seen as something to conquer or dominate, the abuses of the services of the feminine have accrued until we now live in perilous times.

The good news is that people everywhere are waking up to the beauty of the feminine and the beauty of the masculine. People can be as feminine or as masculine as they wish to be and still be human.

We can learn, despite our cultural distractions and onscreen worlds, to take care of our bodies and our minds.

There is something movingly human about this, and it’s overdue for men, as well as women, to learn to nurture, replenish, care for, and even love the self so there is that much more love to give.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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