Seven Undeniable Signs That Someone Is Deeply Insecure

I used to know this girl who lied about her education level, which was funny because it really didn’t matter to us.

We were cool with her just the way she was.

In hindsight, I realize she had deep-rooted issues.

Clearly, she hasn’t accepted herself, so she imagined that talking about her elevated credentials would make her more appealing to us.

One day I met her cousin, and the conversation came up.

It turned out that pretty much everything was fabricated. She hadn’t been to the University she claimed and didn’t have the Masters she kept drumming in our ears.

It didn’t make sense.

Considering that we had already accepted her into our social circle, why did she feel she had to lie?

One thing is clear if someone is hell-bent on portraying a particular image to you, it’s because they think you or someone close to them is better than them.

Constant lies are one of the tale-tell signs of insecurity.

It’s the masks they use to cover whatever it is they’re ashamed of.

Their insecurity forces them to create stories to make themselves feel important in your eyes because they have trouble accepting where they are in life.

If someone in your life keeps lying to you, they most likely suffer from an inferiority complex.

The problem with this is that they can quickly turn toxic and burn you unless they work on themselves.

But that’s only one sign of an insecure person. Here are six more.

You never feel like you can let your guard down when you’re with them.

You can never shake off this gnawing feeling that this person doesn’t mean well.

You find yourself tiptoeing around them, not sure how much info to divulge because you sense judgment coming from within them.

I believe that true friendship comes down to making someone feel safe with you.

They need to be able to expose their broken parts and not feel judged for it.

In fact, they need to feel so safe with you that you become their go-to person because you are the one person they feel confident enough to offload to.

But for someone to attain this kind of character, they need to be established in themselves.

This means listening attentively without trying to find a rope in your story to hang you with later on.

When someone is insecure, this never happens.

Instead of offering you a warm shoulder to cry on (they act like it), they are usually secretly happy to see you wallowing in the trenches.

One of the ways you can tell where you stand is by watching how they react to a sad event in your life.

If they linger a bit too long around the parts of your story that hurt, it’s safe to say that they secretly enjoy seeing you bleed.

Hovering around the same sad story over and over again gives them wicked satisfaction.

A genuine person doesn’t sacrifice you on a cross when you feel like crap. They yank you out of it.

They offer to take you out for a drink or a movie to pull you out of the lousy mood as quickly as possible.

They capitalize on your weakness and minimize your achievements.

If you really want to know whether someone is genuine, observe how they react when things are thick in your life, or you’re in trouble.

How do they react?

Do they empathize?

Offer solutions?

Do they make it their business to spread the news in the name of “getting help” for you?

Nothing gives an insecure person more pleasure than seeing another person bleed because it makes them feel better about themselves.

People who work in environments where only the crème de la crème is awarded for their efforts experience this probably more than anyone else.

It’s amazing how many people feel that if they can’t be on top, then no one else deserves to be either.

They sabotage your work and form cliques to work towards your downfall. These cliques also fall apart after a while because of all the toxicity seeping through, and the cycle continues.

This is why insecurity has got to be the worst trait ever because it’s like a raging fire that sets everything ablaze.

They tell you so much about themselves. But remember nothing of what you tell them.

Don’t you hate it when someone talks non-stop?

You could be with them all day, and they’ll never give you a chance to say a sentence or two.

If you ask this person one thing you said, they’d be at a loss because it’s always about them.

In their minds, what they have to say is far more interesting than hearing your side of the story.

Usually, when someone dominates the conversation and makes it about themselves, they’re craving attention.

They need to feel good about themselves (because they don’t already), and the only way to gain that validation is to make

themselves the center of the conversation.

If you’ve ever had to sit in such a conversation, you know how it leaves you feeling empty.

Right?

There’s no value to be gained. It makes you feel like a mere sounding board. And it’s worse because, with such people, you know deep down that they don’t care about you.

Relationships should provide mutual enjoyment; otherwise, what’s the point?

There’s nothing wrong with being someone’s sounding board, but if it happens all the time, it’s time to realize that you’re being used.

Do yourself a favor and find better people to spend your time with.

They use you to fill a gap during certain phases of their lives.

I remember it like yesterday.

This girl and I had booked an event together. It was one of those events that are more fun when one has company.

Due to limited seats, we would lose our cash if we didn’t attend.

The day arrived, and I got ready and waited for her to show up at my house as planned.

She didn’t. There was no call or text.

She was always flaky, so I decided to show up at her door and check what was up.

Guess who answered the door?

Some random guy.

Then it all made sense.

She didn’t need me anymore. So I’d been dumped for this guy.

I see this a lot when women go through a rocky relationship or after a breakup. They latch onto you like a leech.

They call and want to meet up more than usual because, at that specific time, they need to feed off someone’s energy, and you’re the closest thing to them.

People who go hot and cold on you know how you are deep down. They see your strength and stability and can’t resist your energy.

That’s why they hang around and return when they need to be replenished.

Also, they see that you’re too independent and can stand on your own feet, and they want that.

But since seeing that in you reminds them of their own insecurity, they always jump to the next person and the next.

It’s precisely why they latch onto different people during different phases of their lives.

They’re quick to kill or downplay your plans.

Try telling an insecure person about your big plans and see how quickly they snuff you out.

Look, I am all for people keeping it real.

But there’s a difference between telling someone to consider unexpected outcomes and claiming with absolute certainty that an endeavor will fail.

If someone always rains over your parade and never encourages you to take a chance at that side gig or go back to school or give love a chance or whatever, it means they don’t have your best interest at heart.

It’s okay to tell someone to proceed with caution. Just don’t tell them not to proceed all the time. Red flag.

Insecurity often manifests itself as jealousy.

It’s jealousy that makes people feel that the resources out there are limited. So they work hard to kill other people’s dreams because they don’t like feeling left behind.

They make veiled snide comments and pretend they don’t know they hurt you.

I’ve learned that if your first instinct isn’t to hurt someone, you’re most likely the regular recipient of ill-treatment.

If you’re good-natured, it’s very easy to keep glossing over these snide remarks.

If you like to focus on the good in people, you become an expert at smiling and sweeping things under the carpet.

What this does is that it becomes a cycle that keeps hurting you.

The insecure person gets annoyed when they realize they’re not hurting you as they intended to, so they keep poking at you.

You keep looking away, and the cycle repeats itself.

The truth?

Insecure (mean) know they’re hurting you when they say those things. A hundred percent.

And sure, you can let one comment slide for the sake of peace. Maybe they woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

But repeatedly?

That’s a big, flashing red sign that you must stay away from this person.

If you ever feel any of these emotions around someone, watch your back. That person is deeply insecure, and they need help.

It’s hard to suggest they see a therapist if they don’t personally acknowledge how they feel.

It’s a hard one.

One thing is for sure: Insecurity breeds toxicity.

If you hang around such people, you’ll always feel like there’s a pebble in your shoe.

Something will always feel off; in my opinion, that’s not how relationships should feel.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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