A lot of men think that women wield power over them. They may be right.
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In a lopsided way which leaves guys defenseless, and that cannot be returned in kind.
Weirdly, the feared feminine potency emerges from sexism.
Reducing women to objects
Historically, men have had greater control of media, art, and literature. And there, they have portrayed women — and not men — as the focus of desire.
Now, if women had had that same control they surely would have made men the focus. (Given that most humans are straight.)
But in the process, women and their body parts have become largely fetishized and objectified.
But men-as-sexy are mostly absent. (That’s changing a bit.)
Here’s the downside:
To the extent that women are reduced to their parts, they morph into de-brained sex-things that can’t be taken seriously — and they’re less likely to enjoy power, status and good pay. Women may even be used and abused, or imprisoned in sex trafficking.
Put it all together and women are too often disempowered and underdeveloped.
Objects that weaken men’s knees
Yet these sex objects turn out to have a lot of power in one way: They dominate men’s minds and bodies by turning heads, weakening knees, overtaking thoughts, and disabling brains.
While women remain relatively unaffected by the mere appearance of a man.
Disempowered sexuality emerges as powerful
And, this male lust goes largely unrequited.
After all, women’s sexual interest is dampened by a world that sees female desire as dangerous. When women are constantly pressured to suppress their sexuality or face shaming, desire diminishes.
In an odd twist, this disempowered sexuality turns powerful in one way: a repressed woman is less helplessly driven by lust.
Some men take revenge
And plenty of guys resent it.
In revenge, some men hate women (I’ve written about this before: Men Who Hate Pretty Women).
Some seek to use and abuse women, like pickup artists, misogynist trolls, and MRAs who claim that men’s desire for women motivates everything they do.
But that just separates men and women even more.
Come together, right now
Despite the anger, most women and most men have not purposefully worked to create the situation.
And neither men nor women benefit from the situation, either. We unconsciously internalize the culture, and then turn around and re-create what we have learned.
The way through the problem is via greater equality and respect: less objectification, less sexual repression and less anger.
Not men-hating women.
And not women-hating men.
Originally posted on Broadblogs
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Photo: Flickr/DonkeyHotey
Then there are MGTOWs who simply refuse to participate in the system. They have no interest in marriage or being good little husbands and providers. They don’t want power or control over anyone but themselves. Sexism also gives women a free pass on bad behavior that would get a man jailed. We need to get rid of the lie that women are better or more evolved simply because of gender. Or that they are automatically better at raising children than men.
Well said: this is so true. And often completely ignored within the feminist community, because it doesn’t fit into the woman-as-victim dogma. Whereas I agree that women have been royally screwed by oppression under traditional society, they have benefitted from it as well. And I don’t blame them for taking advantage; they had to use what they had available to them within the parameters they were given. Otherwise, they’d have gone crazy, and society would have fallen apart long ago. But this phenomenon of “reverse sexism” is conveniently ignored by many feminists, or worse, it’s become another reason to denigrate… Read more »
Let’s flip it: And often completely ignored within the men’s activism community, because it doesn’t fit into the male suppression dogma. Whereas I agree that men have been royally screwed by suppressing their feelings and desires under traditional society, they have benefitted from it as well. And I don’t blame them for taking advantage; they had to use what they had available to them within the parameters they were given. Otherwise, they’d have gone crazy, and society would have fallen apart long ago. But this phenomenon of “sexism” is conveniently ignored by many men, or worse, it’s become another reason… Read more »
No, we don’t flip it. Stick to the topic, MRAs are no way socially capable nor politically active as any feminists organization goes. MRAs are relegated to trolls in most cases and are a fringe minority with no actual effect on reality. Feminism isnt that. Article is true, because its consequences on the society are apparent. Hey, im not saying love me , but at least, let the children grow up without sexism and a demand for chivalry.
It’s not a women’s responsibility to control how men react to her body. I can walk down the street wearing whatever I want and how men react is NOT MY PROBLEM nor is it my responsibility. The only time it becomes in my control is when I initiate contact. Men (well, everyone) need to learn how to control their emotions. Just because a man is made to feel aroused by my presence and he loses control over his faculties does not suddenly mean that I am now magically in control of them. And he sure as all hell is not… Read more »
the author wasn’t advocating that women change their dress or behavior. she was explaining the psychological process that leads men, who are unquestionably privileged in our society, to perceive that women have power over them (and resent them for it). as a feminist i find this process fascinating, while in no way justifying it. it’s a description of what’s gone wrong and one of the ways patriarchy harms men as well.
The problem is you’re thinking that the author is excusing bad behavior towards women, when she’s merely trying to illuminate reasons that there is a problem to begin with. “If men were rendered defenseless by women then there wouldn’t be rape, or abusive relationships.” No, this is exactly why there is so much rape and abuse, because men FEEL defenseless, and unwanted by women under the traditional culture. They are necessarily funneled into an option of getting a super tough skin, but because they’re only human, they are vulnerable, and have to be on guard. They have to resort to… Read more »
” If men were rendered defenseless by women then there wouldn’t be rape, or abusive relationships. ”
Of course there would be.
Hi Carmella, In this topic, and indeed the writers subject matter, our Men are victims also. Now this may sound hard to swallow as inequalities towards our Women are quite topical right now (I am not refuting any inequalities faced by women), but it is true none the less. Men are subjugated, repressed, objectified, and controlled in a wide variety of ways. Many of said ways are similar to the plight of our Women, however the differences and manifestations of these inequalities are vast and diverse across both Genders – that is not all Genders share the same problems. The… Read more »
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them, women are afraid that men will kill them” There are plenty of ways that a patriarchal society can make things tough for men, and most of them come down to the way that men are expected to bottle their feelings instead of express them or talk about them. That said, the way that the article equates female objectification with power is way off base. “In an odd twist, this disempowered sexuality turns powerful in one way: a repressed woman is less helplessly driven by lust.” Do we really believe that being… Read more »
@ Carmella I don’t agree with the author. I don’t support what she says, but even I’m not a feminist and I understand what the author was talking about because I’ve heard feminists talk about it a lot. She’s talking about how gendered expectations and societal pressures influence men’s behavior and choices. Example Wage discrepancy: There is no such thing as a wage gap due to gender discrimination in the work place (in general). The gap is created by the choices women make. Primarily to leave the workforce or cut back on hours worked due to starting a family or… Read more »