She Said, ‘You’re Not My Usual Physical Type’

We had just finished another round of, let’s say, aggressive cuddling, both sweaty and glowing in bliss from a tiny French death.

If you know, you know.

I wanted to know even more about her and the things she likes. It wasn’t just because I liked her, though; my favorite topics in the world include dating, attraction, and how women’s brains work in relation to all that stuff. It’s why I’m a good men’s dating coach now.

I asked her about her preferences and the types of men she usually goes for. At one point in the post-coital conversation, she revealed:

“You’re not my usual physical type.”

I wasn’t as tall or as handsome as other men she had been with. If it hadn’t been for a certain skill I used, she wouldn’t have given me the time of day.

This wouldn’t be the first or last time I heard something along the lines of “you’re not my usual physical type” from a woman I was already dating or sleeping with. I’ve heard this from women I had one night stands with, women who were FWBs, and women I was in long-term relationships with. It’s been a pretty common theme for me.

These women were hot. Conventionally attractive. It’d make sense for them to date conventionally attractive men. They usually did.

Yet they chose to sleep with or even date me, even though I didn’t meet their usual physical preferences. Even if these women weren’t initially attracted to me physically, they eventually became attracted enough to want me inside them. How’s that work?

Is attraction all about looks?

Lots of guys seem totally convinced that it is. They focus on “looksmaxxing” and feel completely dejected if they think they’re born with inferior genetics or whatnot. You’re “cooked” if you don’t look a certain way, they say.

My greatest weakness in dating is probably the fact that I’m short, standing at just 5’5″. If I put my height on a dating profile, I’ll be lucky to get any matches at all.

Being an Asian guy who grew up in America, I also faced a lot of discrimination due to the fact that Asian men are perceived as one of the least attractive groups by Western standards. I have been rejected plenty of times for both my height and race.

But, no, I was never “cooked.”

I was persistent. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” I told myself. And I found a way. I ended up dating and hooking up with tons of women despite not being conventionally physically attractive.

Did you know men and women are different?

As a man, if I’m not immediately physically attracted to a woman, there isn’t much she could do to change my mind.

Fortunately for me, women are a bit more open minded than that. If I found a way for her to become more attracted to me in a different way, I found that it shaped her perception of me in terms of my looks as well.

I started to look more handsome to her after she became emotionally attracted.

“Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.”

― Woody Allen

The very generalized statement by Woody Allen above is somewhat of an oversimplification, but it speaks to a fundamental difference between the attraction mechanisms of men and women.

Make her FEEL something!

The way to a woman’s heart (or her pants) is through her emotions.

And you don’t need to look a certain way to make her feel things.

Have a high-paying job? Try telling a woman your salary. Then, try telling another woman what you’re truly passionate about and why that’s the reason you live and breathe. No matter how high your salary is, the second woman will most definitely find you more attractive than the first woman will.

You need to know how to make women feel things with how you present yourself. — Excerpt from:

The incels and blackpillers are just plain wrong.

I find myself in constant arguments with inexperienced men who assume that attraction functions in the same way for both men and women. My personal experience says they’re wrong. The experience of countless other men who have dated and hooked up with women says they’re wrong.

These experiences are replicable, and they’ve been replicated time and time again.

The skills to attract women in spite of your looks are learnable.

I guess it’s just easier to sit in your chair and pout, pointing the finger of blame at anything else but yourself, than to put in the work required to develop new skills.

It doesn’t have to be that hard to develop those skills, though. The hardest part is only emotional. It’s not like you have to repeatedly carry a boulder up a mountain like Sisyphus.

Yeah, you’ll have to face rejection.

I know that can be scary and painful. Even I get rejected more than I succeed. Any dating coach who tells you otherwise is lying to you (unless they focus entirely on a certain low-risk strategy that I find a bit boring, but I can still teach you the safe and boring way if you really want).

It gets less scary and less painful, though. And you’ll eventually get to a point where the entire process becomes a lot more enjoyable as long as you focus on celebrating all the small wins along the way.

Build a habit of doing the things you’re scared of doing. See how drastically that can improve not just your dating life, but your entire life.

You’re not cooked. There is hope.

What helps you have hope when things start looking hopeless? Tell me your thoughts and experiences in the comments!