You are constantly being controlled
Do you feel like someone is constantly sitting over your head supervising every move? Well, our partners can do that to us, which is a clear sign of a toxic relationship. You are in a toxic relationship if you need your partner’s approval for your career decisions, being around your friends, or just about anything. If your partner gets angry because you went late at night to a club, remind yourself that your love life should only be a part of your life and not your entire life; moreover, your relationship must not become your identity.
Issues are brushed under the carpet
Communication is key to the success of any relationship. If you feel hurt by something your partner said, you must discuss it. Disagreements and conflict pave the way for mutual understanding if we do them right. Conversely, ignoring things that hurt us builds up resentments which later manifest in the form of unhealthy behavior patterns such as anger.
Suppose you and your partner never discuss or talk about the differences or the icky stuff, and you act all fine instead of being vulnerable with one another. In that case, you are in a toxic relationship.
You are the only one putting effort
Relationships are a two-way street, and if your efforts are not reciprocated, it is not a healthy relationship. As Matthew Hussey says, you must not invest in a person based on how much you like them, but you must invest based on how they invest in you.
You risk being taken for granted when you go above and beyond to do something for someone without them doing the same for you. Also, you will begin to feel like a pushover, and that is not a healthy state to be in.
Lack of Space
Your relationship must only be a part of your life and not your entire life. Suppose your relationship has taken your complete focus, and you are missing out on other areas of your life, such as career, family, friends, health, etc. In that case, you are setting the foundation for a toxic relationship.
Overdependence in any relationship blurs the boundaries, and over time that turns into a relationship where we begin to lose our sense of self and feel suffocated. So it would help if you had clear boundaries, and any relationship that violates those boundaries has the potential to become a toxic relationship.
Lack of Support
Are you scared to admit your mistakes in front of your partner, and do you hesitate to tell them about changes that you are planning to make in your life? Is it because they have reacted negatively to such things, and you are not sure they will support you?
It is okay for partners to disagree, but it is not okay to not have the sense of security that your partner will be by your side during the hard times. Trust is built over time, but once you have spent some time with someone (let’s say six months to a year), you must decide whether you can trust the other person.
So, if your partner is someone who will not support you for decisions that they disagree with, I don’t think that’s a healthy relationship.
Lack of Respect
Your partner must feel lucky to have you. And it is a clear sign of a toxic relationship if you are not respected for who you are.
Truth? Love is not enough. And respect is more important than love. If you are not respected for who you are and are constantly made to feel that you are not enough, walk away.
Our environments trump our will. And if we constantly stay in environments where we do not feel valued, it hurts our self-esteem. And low self-esteem can destroy you.
Always go where you are valued. Everything else is not worth it. I always say this: Even if you are at the risk of being alone for walking away from someone who does not value you, it is infinitely better than staying with them and feeling shallow.
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If you have any questions, hit me up: [email protected]
Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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