I used to be in a serious relationship when I was in college. When we were young everything seems so exciting, in the early 20s we could decide many things mindlessly including choosing a romantic partner.
Once I’ve fallen into a toxic relationship with a narcissist person but denied the all red flags. Lessons learned, every time you feel the red flag, just run! You don’t want to be caught in a snare like me.
I know you will, but if you haven’t had any experiences and clueless about those traits, these might helpful for you.
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Narcissistic personality disorder isn’t the same as self-confidence or being self-absorbed. a true narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It’s a mental health condition characterized by:
- an inflated sense of importance
- a deep need for excessive attention and admiration
- lack of empathy for others
- often having troubled relationships
You’re here because you’re concerned, and that concern is valid if your mind and feeling are at stake. If you think these signs fit, I’ll also give you tips on how to handle the situation.
They were charming AF… at first
It started as a fairy tale. Maybe they texted you constantly, or told you they loved you within the first month — something experts refer to as “love bombing.”
Maybe they tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you’ve just started seeing each other. Narcissists think that they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can appreciate them fully.
But as soon as you do something that disappoints them, they could turn on you. So if someone came on too strong at the beginning, be wary. Sure, we all love to feel lusted for. But real love has to be nurtured and grown.
They hog the conversation, talking about how great they are
Narcissists love to constantly talk about their own accomplishments and achievements with grandiose. They do this because they feel better and smarter than everyone else, and also because it helps them create an appearance of being self-assured.
They’re too busy talking about themselves to listen to you. The warning is two-part here. First, your partner won’t stop talking about themselves, and second, your partner won’t engage in conversation about you.
Ask yourself: What happens when you do talk about yourself? Do they ask follow-up questions and express interest to learn more about you? Or do they make it about them?
They lack empathy
Does your partner care when you’ve had a bad day at work, fight with your best friend, or scuffle with your parents? Or do they get bored when you express the things making you mad and sad?
If they don’t it means they don’t do emotion that belongs to others. Narcissists lack the skill to make you feel seen, validating, understood, or accepted because they don’t grasp the concept of feelings.
They pick on you constantly
Suddenly, everything you do, from what you wear and eat to who you hang out with and what you watch on TV, is a problem for them. You already see the red flag.
They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny. Their goal is to lower other’s self-esteem so that they can increase their own because it makes them feel powerful.
A warning sign: If they knock you down with insults when you do something worth celebrating, getaway. A narcissist might say ‘You were able to do that because I didn’t sleep well’ or some excuse to make it seem like you have an advantage that they didn’t have.
They panic when you try to break up with them
Fighting with a narcissist feels impossible. There is no debating or compromising with a narcissist because they are always right. And because they never think they’re wrong, they never apologize. About anything. While good partners are able to recognize when they’ve done something wrong and apologize for it.
As soon as you back away, a narcissist will try that much harder to keep you in their lives. If you insist that you’re done with the relationship, they’ll make it their goal to hurt you for abandoning them and they might bad-mouth you to save face.
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Being in a relationship with someone who’s always criticizing, belittling, gaslighting, and not committing to you is emotionally exhausting.
The best thing you can do is cut ties. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them and offer no second, third, or fourth chance.
Because a narcissist will most likely make attempts at contacting you and harassing you with calls or texts once they’ve fully processed the rejection, blocking them to help you stick with your decision.
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Remember: This story isn’t meant to distrust your partner. It’s meant to outline unacceptable behaviors and reactions in the context of a loving, equitable partnership. None of these signs point to a healthy relationship, NPD or not. You’re not responsible for their behavior, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love and is republished here with permission from the author.
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