Just like you look for qualities in a potential partner, the same goes for friendships. You don’t just pick any person to be your friend, especially because you feel lonely.
There has to be chemistry and compatibility. You have to be able to think in a similar way but also challenge each other’s personal opinions.
The best type of friendship happens organically and naturally. You don’t think about it; it just happens.
But even when friendships happen naturally for you, you still have to look out for the qualities they have; are they affecting you negatively or positively?
If you ask me, these are the things I look for in friendships.
(This goes for relationships too, because friends before relationships are better.)
…
1. Your friend has a positive effect on your life.
Why is that? Your friend don’t waste time gossiping about other people to you. If your friends talk about other people behind their backs, it means they are also talking about you behind your back.
And what’s the point of wasting your time gossiping about other people? How does a friend have a positive effect on your life?
They are there for you when you need advice or better insight into a situation. They give you a little bit of help here and there to improve your life.
You’re weird together and in a good way. You can laugh about silly things together. You crack funny jokes and can’t breathe because of the crazy humor.
Your friend or bestie is a girls girl. Your friend is like a brother to you. You can talk about anything without feeling judged.
And the best thing? You can be fully yourself without feeling stupid or judged.
Because your friend loves every side of you—the funny, happy, sad, and confident side of you—and the list goes on.
…
2. You tell each other the truth instead of being a pleaser.
What is a genuine friendship if your friend doesn’t tell you what you’re doing wrong? I’m not saying you should have a friend who acts like a parent.
But I am saying you should have a friend who is giving you tough love. A true friend would tell you not to go back to that toxic ex who treated you like sh*t.
Your friend would tell you to know your damn worth, and there are plenty of good people out there who will treat you better as a partner.
A true friend will tell you if you’re being selfish and not considerate of their frustration.
You know the friendship is more important than being triggered by the brutal truth they’re telling you, so you’re listening.
You are not afraid to be wrong, and you can freely admit if you’re being difficult to deal with at times, as is your friend.
Your friend is not afraid to admit their own mistakes either and let you know they’re acting like idiots when they suddenly lashed out at you for no reason.
This is normal, as long as it doesn’t turn into abuse every single day.
You don’t have to tell your friend, “You’re being an idiot right now.” But what you can do is stay calm to begin with, and say:
“I don’t appreciate the way you talk to me.”
Now, of course, I don’t know the situation but all I’m saying is you should be friends with people who are mature enough to tell you what you need to hear because they care… They care about you, and want to see you grow.
…
3. Your friend doesn’t react negatively to your opinions.
This is so, ah, important.
Why be friends with someone if you’re afraid to express your opinion?
Do you feel the fear of saying what you think because you know or assume the friend will be pissed?
Is that a real friend to you?
Do you know what I really like?
Chill people.
You should be friends with those who are chill, not the ones who are serious all the time and take everything you say so seriously.
It just shows a lack of intelligence.
(Of course, you should reconsider the friendship if their opinions are very evil)
But when you have a chill friend, you can say what you want without worrying about being judged, and your friend will enjoy hearing your point of view without getting upset.
3. Your friend is likeable and gets along with everyone.
I know what you’re thinking; “Who cares what people think of my friend? I know him/her better than anyone else.” — But that’s you being too nice, and being too nice will ruin your life.
The truth is, you should strive to have a friend who gets along with most people and who is likable. Being social is a healthy habit.
It would be difficult to be with a friend who is rude and doesn’t want to talk to people. It will make you feel like a parent trying to teach your child how to behave.
I once had a friend who was bright and gifted to a degree, but when we were around other people, she didn’t know how to be social at all and appeared rude.
When you have a social friend, you don’t have to worry about what they are going to say or do. You can relax with your friends at a social gathering.
You can be an introvert and anti-social and still be likeable in a social gathering.
So being introverted and anti-social is not the problem. The problem is having a friend who appears rude to people.
…
4. Your friends feel like a family to you.
Your best friends are like family to you.
I think it’s normal to not have many best friends. We only have a few we consider best friends who are like family to you. It’s okay to have close friends on the side, but best friends are like family.
Do you have a friend who is like a sister or brother to you?
Now that’s a great friendship because you know each other from the inside and out.
You have seen each other at its worst and you guys can be in the same room for hours without talking to each other.
You just do your thing in silence, together.
Those types of friendships will last for a very, very long time. You know you can always rely on your best friend. Maybe it’s just the 3 of you who are like sisters or brothers to each other.
Having a best friend who is like family to you is the best feeling ever.
…
5. Your friend brings out the best version of yourself.
How do you feel about this friend?
Do you feel good or bad?
Do you leave the conversation feeling frustrated or energized?
Watch how you feel around this friend.
I believe you don’t deserve to have a friend who brings out the worst side of you when you’re just a really good person who wants to feel appreciated.
You deserve to hang out with a friend who will challenge you to become the best version of yourself. Someone who helps you grow as an individual.
It makes you feel inspired and motivated by this friend, and your friend feels inspired and motivated by you. It should go both ways.
You can’t have a friend who brings out the best version of yourself, and you’re the one who brings out the worst version of your friend.
It only shows that you don’t appreciate those types of friends, and what you don’t appreciate will disappear.
Most of all, you’re only going to improve faster as a person when you’re hanging out with the right people who challenge you to get out of your comfort zone.
…
6. Your friend shows you respect.
Respect is one of the most important qualities.
Without respect, the friendship won’t last.
How can you be good friends if you keep disrespecting each other?
And your friend? Your friend should respect your opinion, boundaries, personal views, and the conscious decisions you’re making in life.
How can you tell if your friend is being respectful to you? Your friend listens to how you feel and gives you space to be yourself.
Your friend will apologize if they’re wrong or forget to respond to your text messages. Your friend will speak up for you when your voice is shaking.
Want to know how your friend is loyal to you and is a great friend? Watch how he or she talks about you in front of you and behind your back.
Your friend will oftentimes show appreciation for you as a friend. Your friend shows respect by acknowledging you for being a great friend and a genuine soul.
Your friend is humble and keeps their promises to you.
You can tell if your friend is respecting you by the tone of their voice and the hidden insults. Your friend doesn’t respect you if they’re always in charge and lead the group.
This quote by Taylor Swift says it all.
“We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.” — Taylor Swift.
The final thoughts…
People will judge you based on the friends you have. It’s just how people are.
And it’s okay to set high standards when it comes to friendships.
You’re not a terrible person for thinking this way.
By the way, just a thought for the day:
Did anyone notice it’s easier to make friends than to date someone?
I believe that social media and dating apps have ruined modern dating.
Anyway, I hope you’ve enjoyed this reading.
…
Order List of My Favorite Books — Subscribe — Buy Me Coffee — Instagram
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Omar Lopez on Unsplash
