Six Letting Go Stories

In my last post, I explained how the incantation “I expect nothing” can work for you. In this post, I want to share six stories from clients and study group participants who tried out that incantation.

From Mary:

“Incantation 2 makes total sense to me. It reminds me of the message of Twelve Step programs. I know that in the past I’ve been very outcome driven: get the work done, get the A grade, get the new job with more pay, get, get, get, etc. One of the most difficult, yet necessary, things I have learned in my 30s and early 40’s is that as much as I delude myself, I really can’t control outcomes. There are too many variables: people, events, weather, money, and other opportunities. And anyway, unexpected things often happen as a result of any course I take toward a particular outcome. More often than not, it turns out that I don’t want the original results after all and something better can and will happen. Emptying myself of expectations means accepting that I can’t make things happen the way I want. Most of the time, if I am patient and just go with the flow, better things happen than I would have ever envisioned. It would be a parched life if only my own will were done.”

How many variables go into every outcome? Have you ever stopped to make calculations of that sort? If you did, you would know to maybe try harder, so as to increase the odds in your favor … and at the same time to expect nothing.

From Leslie:

“I remember the time my first novel was soundly rejected by all the publishers to whom I submitted it. It appeared that I was a poor writer and that my work was just not acceptable. After grieving for two years, I chose to continue writing ‘just for fun’ with no thought of ever being published. I loosened up a lot and put together a book I labored over in an enjoyable manner. I never submitted it to a publisher; this time, a publisher came looking for me. Ever since, I have tried to write my books with the idea that if they are published, that’s great, but if not, I am not worrying about it.”

Can you really spend a year writing a book and then not care whether or not it’s published? Yes, that’s actually possible. You do everything you can to help find it a publisher and you also expect nothing. The first is right attachment, the second is right detachment. Take a few minutes and work out how you will master both right attachment and right detachment, since one is nothing without the other.

From Paula:

“Something funny happened in the car yesterday. I had a series of errands to do around town. A CD I love, to which I was paying little attention, was playing. The day was sunny with a light breeze, the air smelled like lilacs, the trees and plants bloomed all along the avenue, and I had this feeling of settled-ness and contentment. I found myself taking in one deep breath and thinking (I expect) (nothing). As I breathed in slowly and out even more slowly, I was just filled up with this feeling of light bubbliness that made me very happy. It was one of those moments that is hard to explain to other people, but I would have to characterize it as joyful and relaxed, and I am attributing it, at least in part, to incorporating the ten-second centering incantations into my life.”

Let Incantation 2 pop into your mind while you’re driving, cooking, or mowing the lawn. Give yourself permission to think-and-breathe “I expect nothing” at random times, as a way to soothe yourself, detach, and center.

From Lori:

“It helped to think about why even ‘reasonable expectations’ are a problem. This is an idea I’d not heard before and it makes a lot of sense to me. ‘You need the sun to be shining to justify the way you live your life’ jumped right out at me and set off a chain reaction of thoughts, ideas and memories. It was truly an ‘AHA! moment.’ Likewise: ‘There is only your life to live according to your understanding of what principles you intend to manifest and what work you intend to attempt.’ I know in my bones that this IS the way to go, yet it is incredibly difficult to carry out. It seems impossible to put everything you have into something and still ‘let go of the results.’ This is so sane and true, yet I guess that IS my struggle, to live the way I know is right and best for me.”

This is everyone’s struggle, to put everything into what you do and to let go of the results nonetheless. You work incredibly hard on your scientific research … and some lab publishes their results first. You try to make the best widget possible … and an inferior one with a snazzy name and a snazzy advertising campaign hits the marketplace just before yours and dooms your product. If you are practiced at expecting nothing, you will dramatically reduce your grieving time.

From Barbara:

“I have a story right on point. A friend and I go to the seashore every summer for five days, and of course we always pray for good weather. One year it was forecast to be rainy the entire time, but we made up our minds that we just didn’t care and would find some way of entertaining ourselves. Not only did we end up getting better weather than we expected, but we found new places and things to do and ended up having a wonderful time. Much better than sitting around in the rental unit moping all day because it wasn’t perfect beach weather every minute!”

That’s it! That’s the idea! Memorize this story.

From Sandy:

“Recently I contacted someone I have been wanting to interview for quite a while. I sent out the request and promised myself I would not obsess, that I would just release the request and see what would happen. I helped myself do this by using Incantation 2 several times. A day later he contacted me. I was thrilled. But more than that, I was happy that I hadn’t agonized over whether he would respond or not and so was able to focus on other things. As I read the lessons about each step, the incantations become more meaningful to me. It’s becoming less about practicing breathing and thinking and more about really understanding what centering means. I see that I’ve needed to learn this for a very long time.”

Dream, but expect nothing. Desire, but expect nothing. Hope, but expect nothing. Release your need to control and gain real control.

Over the course of several weeks I’ll be providing a series of posts that will help you stay calm and centered in 2022. These posts are based on two of my books, Redesign Your Mind and Ten Zen Seconds. To learn more about the techniques I’ll be describing, please take a look at those two books.