In a survey by a friend of mine on social media, almost 20% of men and 13% of women said that they have at least once cheated during their marriage. The numbers would probably be higher than that as not everyone in this world has enough guts to willing admit it. But given that cheating is fairly common — how does a person even know if he/she is one of the unfortunate ones that are being cheated on in this world?
To answer this question, I came up with a list of behavioral activities that are very common in people who choose infidelity and unfaithfulness instead of coming clean with the truth of that they don’t want to continue a relationship or simply trying to have fun as they say it.
Do you have a gut feeling that your partner/spouse is cheating on you but can’t seem to prove it? I have known a lot of people who go in denial and leave the matter on fate. I mean let’s be honest, nobody in this world wants to go through that feeling of being cheated on and hence a lot of people don’t scratch the matter enough to let the bitter truth out. But then there are those who actually want to clarify their doubts — it never hurts to be sure.
Your partner might be very sneaky, but you must be the smarter one. Here are some traits that are very common in the behavior of cheaters :
They start saying I instead of We :
If you have noticed lately that your partner has started saying the word “I” instead of “we” when referring to your relationship, this may be a red flag.
When people say “we” they normally say it because they recognize that they are in a relationship and working with someone as a team. But if your partner is starting to use the word “I” when referring to both of you as a couple and is leaving you out of the equation, this may be a sign that he’s mentally started detaching from the relationship.
For example, your partner could say something like, “I hope to take a trip to England one day” instead of suggesting that you both travel somewhere.
While this alone may not indicate he’s cheating, it could be used as a red flag among some of the following other things.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional and mental abuse when someone tries to convince you that the way you are seeing the situation is wrong. It’s a way of twisting the person’s reality so that the cheater can still be able to cheat.
For example, if you confront your partner about cheating, they may accuse you of being crazy or completely out of your mind for even suggesting such a thing, even if you have evidence to back up why you think so. Cheaters are really good at putting blame on other people to avoid being held accountable for their actions.
Frequently going on ‘Business Trips’ :
One of the things cheaters say to hide affairs is that they’re going out of town for a business trip.
If your partner has a job that actually does require a lot of travel, they may truly be going on a business trip. However, that doesn’t mean that you should discredit your theory.
Sometimes even if they do travel a lot, they may still be having an affair. If your partner hasn’t normally traveled a lot until recently, this may be a sign that they are spending time with someone else instead of you.
To really know where they are going, you could always hire this private investigator to find out.
Casual Friendships That Aren’t All That Casual :
You might hear from your partner who is cheating that so and so is “just a really good friend.”
If your partner and their friend are spending a lot of time together, more so than you and them, this may be a cause for an alarm. This friend could come from anywhere, like work, neighbors, or a member at the gym. This does NOT mean that you can’t let your partner hang out with other friends — but if they are spending too much time with one person, enough to make you suspicious, then you should talk to your partner about it.
If you talk to your partner about it, they should be able to have an open and honest conversation with you about it. However, if they are cheating, they may become defensive of that friend.
Start Talking About Another Person a Lot More Than They Used to :
If your significant other starts talking about that friend or another person a lot more, then you may start to question why. It’s normal to get jealous at first, but before you do anything about it, you should make sure that there actually is an affair between your partner and that person.
You could always ask them about it, but if they are actually cheating on you, they would get very defensive and may even start to gaslight you. Just be aware of how much they talk about the other person and what kind of things they say. Are they favorable things? Do they talk fondly of them?
Frequently picking up fight with you :
Juggling one relationship is difficult, but two is even more so.
With much more stress and difficulties, your partner may become irritable and lose their patience with you. They may start picking a fight with you, especially if they feel like your relationship isn’t as important to them as the other one. As much as it hurts, they may start to see you as a hurdle in their way. Therefore, they will take that anger out on you, resulting in a lot more fights.
One classic thing for cheaters to do is to just deny it all when you confront them.Very rarely will they come clean and admit everything to you.
At first, you may be relieved to hear the denial, because you may be able to trick yourself into thinking that there is nothing wrong. But if there is still something telling you to keep digging and find out if there is something going on, you should keep digging. It’s not uncommon for cheaters to lie, deny the claims, and put the blame back on you.
Hiding their social media :
Did your spouse stop posting a lot on their social media? They may haven’t been posting as they normally do, they might have created a totally new social media profile that you can’t see.
Another thing which is very common in cheaters is inexplicable happiness, they seem to be very happy but not with you, has your spouse started showing signs of being extra happy, but has no explanation as to why that is? When you ask them, do they say that they are just happy? If they are acting happy but they aren’t being nice to you, or if they are acting strange, they could be happy because of another person in their life.
Defensive over phone calls & texts :
If your spouse suddenly starts freaking out when you ask them who is calling or texting, this could be seen as a very huge sign that they are cheating. They even might try to make you feel like you are overreacting, or being paranoid.
Accusing you of being Unfaithful :
Sometimes a cheater will take denial a step further and actually accuse you of being the one who is cheating. This is a great way to put the blame off of them and make you angry for the fact that they would even suggest that, but it’s actually them trying to hook you up on another topic so that you leave them alone. It’s simply a way for them to have you focus your anger on something else.
An accusation like this could also be a sign of them projecting their own guilt onto you, which could be a good indicator of their cheating. This is just another manipulative tactic they can use to get away with it.
These very small and unnoticeable things that cheaters say to hide affairs are some of the most common red flags that are found in a doomed relationship but doesn’t always determine that your partner is unfaithful. There are a lot of other explanations as to why a person is behaving in a certain manner but if you see them possessing more than one of the above mentioned traits, then it is wise to take matters seriously.
Relationships sure can be very difficult to manage sometimes, especially if there is some kind of infidelity present in it. But the truth, even if it’s bitter, is very important to find out and the earlier you do, the less it may hurt in the end.
Thank you for reading.
Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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