So You Got Cheated On. Now What?

I got a message on Whatsapp, it was 12:07am. It was from my best friend Aaron and it had one line.

“Well..we broke up”

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Apparently, Aaron had caught his girlfriend flirting with another guy behind his back and when he confronted her about it, she claimed that she doesn’t love him anymore and wanted it to end anyway, and left.

Aaron was devastated and I knew it was going to be a long night for me since I knew telling him simply to be strong wasn’t going to work.

He needed a plan. A master plan that would portray him not only as a stronger person but also as a happy person.

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1 — Saintly Smile

Your partner who cheated on you is ready for two things.

You would never know what they did
You would be sad and curse them.

But what they are not ready for is a calm person with a controlled composure. They know how to respond to your sadness and your curses, but they rarely are ready for your calm demeanor.

So the moment you get to confirm the infidelity of your partner, no matter how fast your heart starts to beat, take a deep breath and smile. It would be nice if you can do it in front of your infidel of a partner. That would confuse them.

So smile at them, smile like you are the biggest saint of the universe and you pity them.

2 — Don’t cry, don’t nag, and don’t try to guilt-trip them

You haven’t done anything wrong. You stayed faithful to your partner for the period that it lasted, and you definitely have the upper hand now.

Don’t create a power imbalance by showing you are weak. I know, it would feel extremely hard to stop your eyes from pouring out, but for the love of life, don’t cry or nag! It would make no difference to someone who has made their choice to leave.

Don’t try to guilt-trip them, because they have well thought of your mistakes or previous shortcomings to hurt you back and gaslight you that YOU did this to the relationship, which is not true.

3 — Let them go, and once they are out of your sight, cry.

They will probably leave you alone and go away when they get to know you know everything.

Once they leave, you are free to vent all your emotions. You can cry, you can curse to the empty sky, you can call your friends and vent at them. But do this only for a day.

My friend was already in this position so, what I told him is to take a day off from work and cry all he wanted. And then, I listened to him all that day.

4 — Once the day is over, you have to stand up and start all over again

Doesn’t matter how many months or years you have spent with them, once they are gone, it’s over!

You have to collect the broken pieces of your heart and start afresh because you have to live on.
The show must go on!

5 — Think of what you used to do before you met them

When you had a partner for a long time they inherently become a part of your life and you may have a hard time imagining a life without them.

But the truth is YOU HAD A LIFE BEFORE THEY CAME, a life full of family, friends, and hobbies.

Now is the time to get back to those hobbies to stop yourself from thinking about your partner.Hang out with your friends, revisit your old hobbies, discover new hobbies and be close to your family.

It is always easier said than done, but finding as many distractions as possible is going to help you at this point in life.

6 — Avoid as many mutual places as possible.

One thing I’m talking by the experience is that whenever you go to places where both of you have visited together your memories are stirred up. Therefore, try to avoid such places as much as possible, at least until you are cooled down enough to retrospect on your thoughts and feelings.

So until you cool down, even if you had to go to such mutual places, go with friends and quickly finish your business and come back.

7 — When you feel like texting them back, write in a journal

Feeling like you need to text your now-ex, becomes compelling sometimes. But you need to avoid doing this. There is no use in contacting them anymore and there is little chance that they would reply anyway. Instead, start writing your emotions and feelings in a journal, or a blog. I used to write a blog during the breakup of one of my most intense relationships, and it helped me to move on, saving me from the embarrassment of ever having to contact my ex again.

8 — Take a timeout from Social Media

Social media makes us see people again and again. Even though you have blocked your ex, there is a high chance that you would see them in tagged pictures if you have mutual friends. It would halt the moving-on process.

Taking a complete break from social media would help but if you cannot avoid the said platform due to other commitments such as work and classes, make another profile and only join such groups for updates. You shouldn’t add any friends or use the apps to chat with anyone, for the time being.

9 — Do not go bed-hopping

One of the routes people take to forget their ex is having casual sexual encounters with random people.

This is very harmful to your moving-on-process because you are not letting your emotions to process and cool down.

This is not to say your sex life needs to stop altogether for a set amount of time, but taking some time off from sex, to work on yourself is going to help you more than suppressing your thoughts with random hookups.

Despite my warning, my friend Aaron got stuck here for quite sometime and it made him feel even worse.

10 — If you need professional help, go for it.

Break ups can be extremely traumatizing. It is okay to feel not okay after a breakup. It may become hard to move on by yourself and that is perfectly valid to make an appointment with a therapist and/or a psychiatrist.

Don’t suffer alone. There is no shame in talking to a therapist and/or a psychiatrist after a breakup. There are several things you can do to get better in life, and mental health professionals can definitely help you with that.

11 — Think about your single life

At this moment when you have finally starting to move on realize that you are truly single. This is the time to contemplate and realize which type of a single you are. You can read the following article for more information on it.

12 — If you feel like you have moved on and ready to date again, go for it

Just because you had a horrible breakup doesn’t mean you should say a permanent “bye!” to your dating life. If you feel you have made peace with your breakup and you have moved on, try going on dates with new people. It might help you breathe some fresh air and find out there are actually better people than your ex.

This time though be careful about choosing someone who resonates with you more than your exes. You should always strive to be better than your past, and not date people who don’t match with your values and virtues. Maybe my following article which recently went viral, might help you with that.

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Being cheated on hurts. Being left alone hurts. But, this hurt is something we can overcome and be better.

There are definitely better people out there and we might miss out on such people if we linger in our past trying to contact our exes.

Let’s move on, and let’s not be the sore losers when we get cheated on.

P.S. — Aaron faced this incident back in 2020. He is currently dating one of his co-workers, and is way happier now than when he was with his ex.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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