The book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is extraordinary and blatantly sensible at the same time.
Since its publication in 1992, the book has sold more than 20 million copies and has been translated into 50 languages. It is often on the top 5 ( at times #1) books on the New York Times bestsellers list and repeatedly ranks in the top 100 books sold on Amazon.
This book is one of those books that I say, “I wish I had read it earlier.”
But, hey… a word of affirmation, “We do the best we can with the tools we have at the time.” And right now, we have no better gift than this moment. So snuggle up for some quality time with me, and consider this article my act of service to you. Want a hug? I am afraid I can’t help you with that, but hopefully, you have a loved one near you with whom you can share this article and get some cozy physical touch.
If you have been in a relationship of any kind, chances are you have asked yourself or your loved one, “What is your love language?” If you don’t know it, you can take the quiz here:
I always thought I was an act of service/quality time kind of girl, but it turns out I speak many love languages.
Here is the result of The Love Language Quiz I took today.
Please don’t take these results as an excuse not to send me a birthday gift 🙂
Back to the point…
What would be the glorious “6th love language” if I could add one?
To know and be known.
I know it sounds philosophical and poetic, and ain’t nobody got time for romantic biblical depth right now.
Besides, it seems way more complex than just telling your partner they look sharp in that suit ( words of affirmation), doing some extra housework ( acts of service), or giving them a big hug (physical touch).
But bear with me for one minute before you go on to read (another!) article on how to make money online. Money is great, but it won’t buy you real love.
In the depths of our hearts, in our core, humans have a strong desire to be knowable. That is one of the reasons why we communicate, convey our thoughts, assert our opinions, and express our emotions.
Our own name is the sweetest word we hear, and we are enamored with our beliefs, our values, and our life goals.
We are eager to be seen, heard, understood, and cherished for who we are.
To be known.
And when we love another human being, we want to know them. We want to know what their thoughts and opinions are, what touches their heart and what makes their heart skip a beat.
Conversely, nothing hurts more than when we want to connect with someone, and they turn away. When we have so much to share, and they aren’t interested to hear it. When we want to spend time with them, and it seems that they are too busy for us. We open up and show our vulnerabilities, and they seem cold and untouched.
Photo by Hannah Gibbs on Unsplash
“The 5 Love Languages” is such a cornerstone for relationships. It is simple, effective, and easy to implement. Moreover, they are ridiculously universal. No matter where you live, you can speak and understand the 5 Love Languages.
In the 21st century, divorce rates are at all times high. There are loads of single men and women everywhere, some by choice, others by failure to connect deeply and maintain a close relationship.
If I want a word of affirmation, I can post a picture on Facebook or Instagram and get compliments in a matter of minutes. I can buy myself a gift online and have it delivered to my door.
Tinder and Bumble can satisfy the physical touch itch, and Uber eats, and other delivery services can provide some acts of service.
It is not the same when those things are done as an expression of love, but what I am saying is even if we aren’t speaking those 5 Love Languages fluently, we are still speaking them.
To develop and maintain true love, you need to learn a new language.
You need to be genuinely curious about your partner, try to see the world through their eyes, understand their perspectives, observe the way they are growing and changing, never assume you can read their minds, ask questions, play together, and try new things.
Photo by sept commercial on Unsplash
As my mom said about my father, after 40 years of marriage,
“ Every time I think I know him, he surprises me. And is always for the better.”
That is how I want to know and be known.
For to be known is to be seen and heard.
To be known is to be loved.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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Photo credit: Amy Shamblen on Unsplash