Letting go of relationships isn’t always easy, you can either let it break you or make you.
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It may not be logical. It may not make sense. It may even be unfortunate. But the thing is, sometimes – it just is.
It was never black or white. I never knew what it was or would be. I could not say if it was a mistake or what clearly was meant to be. Through the push and the pull, through moments of doubt and clarity, I just had to go on. What force was at play, I do not understand and I never may. But, it’s a decision I made and I would make the same if it were to happen all over again. Because it is good to know that I could feel this way.
It was never just love or friendship but much more; a concern and care that I could never describe. So much I had to say, but at that place, I never arrived. My life had become so infused with yours that no matter where we were, for me, we were never truly apart.
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I am weary of the constant battle to keep your memory at bay.
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All that I felt is sometimes very hard to evade because no matter how ugly it got; all memories never fade. You were a friend, a companion, a lover and something that even words fail to say. Sometimes I feel that the last strand of the rope that tied us never broke, and I will feel that tug constantly every day.
It has been years and more shall pass but letting you go completely, seems like an impossible task. I no longer try to hurl it all in the abyss of long forgotten memories because it has consumed me in a way that cannot be undone. So to an eternity of you in my thoughts, I surrender. I am weary of the constant battle to keep your memory at bay.
Even when I pull myself forward with all my strength, something makes me turn around and I get reeled back to where it all began. And leaving you behind becomes a distant thought, once again.
But there will always be something that will keep us apart, because of the harsh ending that you gave this pure bond that was so close to my heart. While my pride and strength will keep me away, you should know there will never be a day when you don’t surface in my mind in some way.
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So what if I will be a little bit in love with you, every single day.
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Because as senseless and illogical as it may seem, fate brought you; and you never really left it seems. So I will never be wholly yours ever again but a part of me, with you, will always stay. As I said, some things just are and remain that way.
But make no mistake. My endless love for you will not be my undoing, of this be sure. I am as strong of spirit as I am of heart. While the cherished memories will fuel the love and keep it alive, I will never forgive your cowardice. So happily I will progress and move on. Thank you for triggering a passion, I didn’t even know I was capable of. You can keep the little piece of me that I left behind. So what if I will be a little bit in love with you, every single day. It is my strength to be able to love like that – it just is, and forever so it shall remain.
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Photo:Flickr/Ramona.Forcella
