One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to love and be present while your heart is breaking. As parents, we always put our kids first. They don’t see the long nights and the tears you cry in your closet. They see that their lunch is packed with a cute note. The clothes are folded on the dryer and their outfits are set aside. The dishes are done, and you may have even found a quick moment to make cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
Behind every little thing you’ve done that morning to get them out the door, they have no idea you’re falling apart. You put on that brave face you see on TV. You smile, wave goodbye, and tell them to have the best day ever.
The second they slam that door and you drive out of the school parking lot, you turn on your playlist of sad songs. You turn it up as loud as you can and you scream. You feel the tears roll down your face. You hit the steering wheel and ask, “Why me?” In that moment you think you can’t go on any longer.
But you do!
You know it’s because in the back of your mind you’re thinking of them. And for a split second you say it’s not about you. It’s their time right now. You have to be there for them.
But when is the time for parents?
When do we get that moment, especially moms, to say I can’t anymore. I just can’t do this right now because I’m hurting. I can’t be the person they need right now. I have to think about myself.
Something along the way made us feel like we’d never get that moment. That parents have to stuff their hurt aside, until your children are grown and off to college.
But I think you can have what feels like a selfish moment long before then.
Parenting is hard.
Loving is hard.
Being broken is hard.
When you have all three combined into one, it’s okay to step back and say, I can’t. It’s okay to tell your kids every now and again, “Mommy needs a break,” or “Daddy needs a break.” That you’re just having a hard time right now. You don’t have to overexplain but just giving them a heads — up lets them know enough.
So today after your screamfest in the car, you didn’t go straight home to clean up, do more laundry, or prepare dinner. You went to the park and swung for a while. Afterwards you got yourself your favorite ice cream. You even made your way to the mall to buy yourself a new outfit.
And when you picked the kids up they noticed you had a glow. They were even more excited when you said pizza was for dinner.
I’ve learned that in order to be present and give the best love you can to your children, you have to do that for yourself first. Even if it means taking a day off to cry.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Markus Winkler on Unsplash
