Garon Wade and his husband are getting used to this dad thing, but some stuff still makes them go ‘Huh?’
Dear Little Dude,
Son, we love you, but we need some help. There are some things we just don’t understand. Seriously.
-How the hell was there a Cheerio on the very tip of your penis when we opened your diaper yesterday?
-Why did you love the changing table for the first 7 months, but now apparently it is torture?
-Why is it that when MULAN comes on, the house could collapse and you’d still be watching, but you seemingly do not care about Beauty and the Beast or Aladdin? Is there something special about that girl (besides the obvious)?
-We got you two fake remotes for the TV so you’ll always feel included, but you still want the real one. How do you know about that?
-When we are standing next to plants and flowers and you reach for them and Dads say “Remember, plants are our friends”, that’s not a cue for you to rip them apart.
-While playing drums on the headboard is a fun way to wake Dads up (yes, he sleeps with us part of the night), kicking us in the face is not.
-Buddy, why do you cry when you fart loudly? Is it scary? It’s ok, Daddies are here.
-I know it doesn’t seem like it, but our guinea pig does not like it when you reach in his tank, tear away his house and throw it across his cage.
-“No” is not a funny word. Stop giggling. Dads are being serious.
-It’s not “Uh Oh” when you throw your toys out of the stroller intentionally on repeat.
-We put those protectors on the electrical sockets for a reason. Just because you can’t stick your fingers in there, doesn’t mean you should try your tongue.
-We love that you point at Daddies’ tattoos and say “tattas” but any chance we can get that double “o” sound worked in sooner than later?
-Why do you insist on sitting in our closet and trying to lick our shoes? We spent a lot of time in there ourselves; it’s not that great.
-Again, why do you laugh every time we say ‘No’? Dads are being serious.
With all the love in the world (and some occasional panic),
Your Dads
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More from Garon Wade:
The Funniest Things Strangers Said to Us After We Adopted Our Dude
Follow us on Twitter @gaydadswag
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Originally published at GayDadSwag.com and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
HAHAHAHA my son had a licking shoe fetish… seems to have grown out of it tho…. for now!
So good you are writing all these funny things down. They grow so fast! I don’t have any of the answers (children just have special mysterious powers) but everything changes so quickly. Once he starts talking, it’s a whole other funny world that opens up. I’m trying my best to keep up! Congrats on your little one! My son is 4 and still makes me laugh and smile every single day.
And then it is astonishing how quickly the time comes when you look back on all these mysteries and miss them terribly.
Too cute! Thank you for sharing this look into your family relationships.