Stop Texting Them & I'll Bet That They’ll Come Back

Disclaimer: Only for people in relationships or dating. It is not applicable for situationships or talking stages.

Are you still staring at your phone waiting for their text to pop up?

But let me guess, they haven’t texted back for hours (or maybe a whole day)

I know that feeling. I know how frustrating it can be.

You are probably constantly checking your phone right now or waiting to hear the *ting*. And every time you hear it but it’s not from them, you are disappointed.

Your heart is probably feeling heavy, you are overthinking and you are itching to text them again.

But Don’t!

Do not, under any circumstances, text them again. At least not yet. And I’ll tell you why.

Let’s Start With A Story

So I have this friend, let’s call her M. She has been with her boyfriend for about 9 months.
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The issue with her boyfriend is that every time he’s sad or dealing with stress, he completely pulls back. Late replies, no calls and never initiating a conversation. This can go for 3–4 days or maybe even a week.

M naturally doesn’t like this behavior. She understands the need for space when he’s feeling down but she also wants him to keep her updated and slowly (As he feels more comfortable with her) come to her when he feels down instead of cutting her off.

While I understand M’s point of view, the way she communicated her needs almost pushed her relationship to the brink of breaking up.

She screamed, got over-emotional, and blew up his phone with multiple texts until he responded. While this method, initially got him to respond, it slowly pushed him further away. He would now take breaks more often and would take much longer than a week to come back.

So one day, M comes crying to me, asking how she can make him come to her. And that’s when I told her to cut off all contact for 3 days — no calls, no texts, not even viewing their stories/snaps, or posting anything to get their attention.

The result?

Well, she stopped texting him in the morning and that night he sent her a “Hey”.

M was excited and wanted to text back immediately. I asked her to wait.

During the night, he sent her two cute relationship reels (As he usually does when things are fine).

The next morning, he sent her a good morning text, followed by an explanation of why he was pulling away.

At this point, M was more than ready to text back but again I asked her to wait.

Around 4 PM that day, it finally came — the apology text.

So What Happened Here?

Well, a lot of things. But let me summarize it for you:

When M stopped dumping her emotions on her boyfriend, he had the chance to think more clearly about his own feelings.
When M stopped texting, she left a void in his life which allowed him to feel her absence and miss her.
Remember, if you are always around, they’ll never get the chance to miss you.
When he reached out to her and she didn’t respond to the first text, he got a little fear of losing her. This tiny hint of fear increased her value in his eyes.

The 3-Day Rule

Now that we are done with my friend’s story, let’s talk about the 3-day rule. Well, my version of this rule is that when someone is responding or reaching out, you stop contacting them for 3 days. No calls, texts, story views, snaps, nothing.

So what will happen is:

The first day they might not care because they know that by night you will eventually reach out, as you always do.
The next day, they will wait for your message, still pretty sure that you will definitely reach out. As the clock ticks by, their anxiety will grow.
On the third day, a mild panic will start setting in. They’ll wonder where you are, why you haven’t texted back, if you actually lost interest in them, whether are you done for real this time, and so on.
By the end of the third day or on the fourth day, they’ll most likely come back.

Now, it’s important to note a few things here:

Make sure you are completely cutting off contact. They need to truly feel your absence in their life.
Don’t fall for low-value bids like a reel or a simple “Hey”. Wait for more.
Make sure that before you pull this off, you have actually done all you could from your side. For example, if they were stressed about something, make sure that you actually offered enough support before taking a step back.

Best Case Scenario: They’ll come back, realize how empty their life is without you, and respect you even more for setting a boundary.

Worst Case Scenario: They won’t care. Yes, this outcome is also possible. And in that case, you’ll know that this isn’t someone you should be pursuing. It’s time to move.

This Isn’t A Manipulation Technique

I want you to remember that this isn’t a manipulation technique. It’s just a way to give your partner some space and not come across too desperate or needy.

I don’t care what anyone says but no matter how much someone loves you, if they see you as a pushover who has no boundaries, they’ll eventually lose both love and respect for you.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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