One of the hardest things a woman can do is struggle with getting pregnant or carrying a baby to term. It is such an internal struggle and can be very isolating. The national discussion on the recent laws passed regarding the criminalization of abortion and miscarriages definitely triggered me. Then I recently read an article, Reasons not to take a pregnancy test early, that said even if you feel pregnant, refrain from taking a pregnancy test. I realized then that women need to have superpowers.
Some of the reasons listed in the article included: you might catch an early miscarriage; you won’t believe the negative result if you feel pregnant; if you are pregnant you’ll bond with your baby and may lose it and grieve; and you may be testing too early to detect the pregnancy hormone. The article even went so far as to question those women who said they knew before the pregnancy was detectable, mocking the woman’s intuition, saying there’s no research to confirm.
While the article contained some truths, I had some major issues with the article. The article and pieces like it are very good at telling woman to disregard how they feel. Those articles are very good at telling women what not to do. But none of them tell women what to do while they wait. I mean, really, what is a woman to do?
Pregnancy is something that changes your ENTIRE life as soon as you find out you’re carrying. Women are immediately scared into taking prenatal vitamins to prevent birth defects. But get this — one of the side effect of prenatal vitamins are constipation, if they have iron in them. Constipation can cause cramping and other issues. So I’m suppose to relax and simultaneously start sacrificing my comfort for this potential pregnancy and be constipated until I find out for sure?
I mean, do I abruptly stop drinking for weeks to a month?
How do I address the fatigue I’m feeling?I have NEVER been tired like this before. Do I go to the doctor and let them run a barrage of test or wait a while for that too?
Do I alter my diet? Do I avoid tuna fish and other fish to reduce my mercury exposure? Do I take ibuprofen or Aleve? Should I take the same precautions as a pregnant woman just in case? Do I go to the dentist and get my cavity filled or my filling replaced? Or do I wait?
Do I stop using my products with salicylic acid in it? Should I just research all the products that are safe to use and only use those just in case?
How does a woman put her life on hold, but not on hold?
Where is the empowering information?
How do I get my physician to listen to me and take my symptoms seriously? When do I need to get my hormone levels checked? Can I get my hormone levels checked now, so I can at least have an explanation for how I’m feeling.
When should I tell my partner? What should I tell my partner?
“Hey babe, I have all these pregnancy symptoms, but I’m afraid to test early because I’ve gotten so many negative test; however, I’m not crazy, my symptoms are real. I mean you see how big my boobs are right now and they’re sore and I’m tired, you see it? Right?”
Or, “I think I’m pregnant but my test are negative so I’m going to resume life as usual.”
The thing is, women are not any less worried because we’ve delayed testing. If I believe I’m pregnant, I’m already bonding without a positive test. I’m already speaking loving affirmations over this child I’ve prayed for and dreamed about. I am not any less devastated when the test is negative or when my period starts, yet again.
As for the two week insanity period, the entire process of trying to conceive makes you feel crazy. A popular definition for insanity states: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for different results.”
Well if you are trying to conceive that is exactly what you do. The same thing, repeatedly. Depending on the length of your cycle, every month has the anxiety-riddled two week period.
Trying to conceive is extremely isolating. As soon as you share that you think you might be pregnant, your friends and family encourage you to take a test, but apparently that might not be the right thing to do. As you become a veteran at trying to conceive, you keep it to yourself. The isolation begins. You get hopeful when you see babies out and smile.
Then your cycle starts. You cry, by yourself. You keep going like nothing happened because I guess nothing literally happened. You wonder what’s wrong with your body. And then you try to dust yourself off, so you can try again. Think positive thoughts, repeat positive affirmations.
I guess women trying to conceive or women who might conceive need to be Superwoman. We need to be able to go through these challenges alone. Super humans who gracefully handle the range of emotions, who never lose hope. Super women who know exactly what to do as they wait for their results. Super women who always eat the right food and drink only water. Super women who take prenatal vitamins everyday in anticipation of a pregnancy. Super women who know how to live in the moment and live their best life, while they wait on their dreams to come true.
A version of this post was previously published on Medium and is republished here with permission from the author.
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