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According to Healthline, approximately 15% of couples struggle with fertility. Instead of leaning on each other for support during this time, their feelings of shame and embarrassment often drive them apart.
Benjamin Tee, co-founder of twoplus Fertility, empathizes with the frustration so many couples experience. “I focused on my career and delayed having children until my early 30s,” he recalls. “My wife and I thought having a child would be easy, but instead, we endured five years of unexplained fertility. It’s like leaving for a vacation, being unable to reach your destination, and never knowing why. Our lives were turned upside down, but we thankfully learned how to depend on each other for support.”
The infertility journey is lonely
Infertility is especially challenging because couples often lack a group of people who can help support them through their infertility. Although the issue is common, it tends to breed isolation. Adding to this is the fact that most couples are hesitant to share personal details about ovaries, egg reserves, testicles, semen, and sperm counts. And as they watch others conceive and start families of their own, they are left feeling more and more disconnected.
The length of time that couples attempt to conceive further compounds the challenges of infertility. Months of negative pregnancy tests can drag into years. As mounting hopes are dashed again and again, even the most supportive couples can begin to blame or pull away from each other.
Tee’s first realization was that the struggle is a two-person process. “One person can’t do it all,” he says. “In many cultures, women bear the brunt of the burden to conceive. However, science reveals that around 50% of the issues are male-related. Couples need to share the responsibility and work as a team. Understanding this was a crucial turning point for us emotionally.”
Research finds that doctors are unable to diagnose a reason for infertility in approximately 15% of cases. “Relying on wives’ tales and myths leads to frustration,” Tee warns. “Educating yourselves with a solid understanding of both male and female fertility health will enable you to make earlier and better decisions.”
Tee advises hopeful fathers to assess their sperm quality with a sperm health check. He also advises mothers-to-be to maximize their chances of natural conception by knowing the most fertile days of their menstrual cycles. Today’s couples can conveniently perform sperm health checks and ovulation tests from the comfort of their own home.
Above all, Tee recommends that couples have honest and frequent conversations about how the fertility journey affects them. “I suggest taking time off work for date nights with your partner,” he says. “Better yet, travel somewhere without cellphone coverage. During stressful situations, everyone needs distraction-free time to relax.”
Benjamin Tee founds twoplus Fertility to help couples conceive
“As an engineer who loves problem-solving, I found our struggle with infertility incredibly difficult,” says Tee. “The lack of innovation in home-based fertilization solutions baffled me, so I threw myself into research and collaborated with dozens of engineers.”
As Tee researched, he and his wife underwent invasive tests and multiple rounds of intrauterine insemination and in vitro fertilization (IVF). At last, their dream to conceive became a reality, but even finally starting a family did not put an end to Tee’s research. Together with his partner, Prusothman Raja, Tee established twoplus Fertility with a mission to help one million couples conceive over the next decade.
“Holding a newborn child for the first time fueled my motivation to help other couples,” Tee remarks. “Our struggle with infertility had been expensive and emotionally draining. IVF worked for us, but I believed a better solution was within reach.”
In terms of supporting one another, Tee advises couples to think of conception as a journey rather than a destination. “If you support each other during this journey, you will grow even closer. You’re not alone; we have solutions to help.”
For tools that reduce the stress and frustration of the journey, couples can visit twoplus Fertility. They’ll find the resources they need to educate themselves and take control of the fertility process.
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Photo by John Looy on Unsplash