But, unfortunately, this “honeymoon” period doesn’t last forever, and even though you can trust your partner more after you’ve been with them for a while, the sex tends to get a bit monotonous. This is completely natural and most couples will go through a phase of sexual boredom at some point in their lives.
That’s not to say that spark in your love life is gone forever. All you need to do is experiment a bit and try new things. Here’s our list of the best ways to regain your sex life.
When You Create a Sex Ban For Yourself
This may sound like an absurd thing to do but believe me, talking from personal experience this could just be the thing that helps rejuvenate your sex live. You have to think about this logically, your spark has gone and that is usually because you have become bored with the same old routine.
My advice here is to create a sex ban where you and your partner refrain from sex entirely for a while. This could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.
Studies have found that showing other forms of affection during the sex ban can really heighten senses and libidos again, so, for example, you should kiss your partner a lot more during the sex ban. I’m not talking about a quick kiss on the cheek I am talking about a locked embrace that is intense and intimate. Having bubble baths, giving each other massages, and involving yourself in more sensual creativeness can play a huge part in bringing back the spark.
The longer you go without sex, the more badly you’ll want it by the end of the ban and the more passionate sex will be when you eventually get back to it. Think of it as a way to tease yourself and your partner for a while.
When You Take Time to Explore Your Partner
Women take much longer to reach orgasm and they really need to feel like they’re in the right state of mind to be able to enjoy themselves. Most men, on the other hand, tend to be ready to go in no time and can finish just as quick. This can really be off-putting for both partners and you will often find that this alone can begin to dim the spark in your sex life.
Essentially, what you need to do is to cut out the quickies and just take things slowly. Start by exploring each other’s body and building up the heightened sense of sensual feelings for one another.
Try to work hard at planning on how you are going to last longer, taking a break before you reach your own orgasm has worked well with many people as during this break you can still stimulate your partner before you are ready to reinitiate where you left off.
It’s not all about sexual intercourse either as recent surveys have revealed that 70% of women never actually reach orgasm during sex. Either this is down to no prior build up from foreplay or because other methods tend to help women reach that magical high quicker. So take your time and enjoy every minute of it passionately. That’s sure to get the spark back for you both.
When You Try Something New
Studies have shown that trying new and exciting stuff can do wonders for your sex life. So, take a trip to your local sex shop and get some kinky toys and accessories you and your partner can use to spice things up in the bedroom. If you’ve never done this before, start off slowly with a few toys and keep going if both you and your partner are into it.
If you have never used toys before in order to promote clitoral stimulation then you may want to invest in some bedroom toys in order to not just bring a new channel of sexual stimulation to your lives but to also see if this new way of sensual and sexual practices can actually make your partner reach orgasm faster.
By doing this you will also get an idea of how much they actually like this new area of sexual play, which will help you find that real connection once again.
When You Learn To Talk to Each Other and Express Your Feelings
We aren’t mind-readers at the end of the day and the only way you are really going to learn to improve your sex life is by talking to each other. From personal experience having a chat about what gets you off is a key part of the overall strategy to improving your sex life and even taking it to a whole new level. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, so instead of trial and error, you need to find out in as much detail as you can what their real pleasures are. Not only will this increase libidos but will also make you and your partner feel more confident.
Restoring the Spark Can Save Your Relationship!
Physical intimacy is crucial for a happy and successful relationship. If you start to think of sex as a chore, things could get really nasty, really quickly. So, if you and your partner have been struggling to enjoy sex for a while, it may be time to do something about it. Deal with the issue head-on and sort it out as soon as you can. For some (rare) couples, sex isn’t a big deal, but for almost everyone else it kind of is. A lack of good sex affects both partners differently and many relationships hit the rocks precisely because of this.
But don’t worry. With just a little bit of experimentation and communication, you and your partner can easily get back that initial buzz that drew you both together in the first place.
This piece originally appeared on Wingman Magazine
Photo: Nan Palmero/Flickr