I have a complicated relationship with surrender as a concept. Why? It’s because I associate surrender with white flags and giving up.
My belief in the human spirit is that the human spirit doesn’t give up. Perseverance under impossible circumstances.
However, there’s something to be said for surrender in a deeper sense.
{side note: if my coach is reading this, I haven’t taken leave of my senses. I really mean this.}
My most recent Accomplishment Coaching program weekend blew me away. I had so many breakthroughs – and not just in coaching either. More personal breakthroughs than I have possibly ever had
It was also final exam weekend. It was a two-part final– written and oral. The written was around book knowledge. The oral was around practical live coaching.
I was confident around my written but was terrified around my oral. I was convinced I had to take it again.
I thought I tanked.
To my stunning surprise and shock, I passed both! I was so convinced that I was going to have to re-take my oral exam that I almost fell out of my chair.
My belief in the human spirit is that the human spirit doesn’t give up. Perseverance under impossible circumstances. However, there’s something to be said for surrender in a deeper sense.
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I think at that moment I had a breakthrough around surrender. Because everybody from my teammates to my coach was like, “Ryan, I’m sure you did fine. Your feedback was excellent. You’ve come a long way.” But it was hard to believe because my default choice is usually “I suck and I don’t deserve any of the good things happening for me.”
At the moment when I found out my status, I felt my entire presence drop from my head, past even my heart, and into my gut. When I come from my gut, that’s when things flow so much better for me.
Speaking of finals, ask me about my badass friend and teammate Christina. That woman is a rock star! So stinkin’ proud of her!
Back to me.
In the fallout from learning of my status, I also had a breakthrough around spirit. This happened after I had celebratory drinks with teammates Sunday evening.
While I’m walking to the hotel, I heard my dad’s voice call to me:
“Deacon Blues…”
This article comes out on December 23rd. This is the second anniversary of his passing.
I’ve been feeling a lot of grief and regret come up around that. I’m up to huge things in my life and I’d love nothing more than to call my Dad on the phone and tell him all about it.
But I can’t do that in this lifetime.
However, I CAN celebrate my wins with him.
Deacon Blues is the third track on Steely Dan’s 1977 magnum opus Aja. As I’ve written about before, my dad was a musician and The Dan was his favorite artist.
It was the night of January 7, 2010. That was the night that my beloved Alabama Crimson Tide won their 13th National Championship.
2009 was my most difficult year. I lost out on more job promotions than I care to admit. (The same employer that almost killed my soul from last week’s article.) My mom died that February. And I almost died that July from a ruptured gallbladder.
But when Bama started beating everybody they played that season, I knew it was going to be a special, healing season.
When I got home from watching that game with my dad, I did three things. I poured a drink. I pressed play on Deacon Blues. And I cried.
The main character of that song is a loser called Deacon Blues. There’s the great line in the chorus that says “they call Alabama the Crimson Tide/Call me Deacon Blues.”
I used that song to celebrate two other personal wins that I’ve recently had – other than Bama’s 2015 National Championship. Not a personal win, but I celebrated it.
The first win was when I got the author proof of Written in the Stone. And the other…was last Sunday night.
I’m walking down Front Street near the Seaport in New York. I’m singing that song at the top of my lungs. And crying my eyes out.
In a way, I was celebrating my incredible win with my mom and dad.
In that moment, I surrendered. And I got better connected with my parents’ spirit than I ever have before.
If I can leave you with one final thought; own your wins. And surrender to the process. As long as you’re on the right track and you have enough support, you’ll be okay.
Exciting new developments are coming to Team Ryan Coaching. Get on board now because slots are filling fast! Here’s how to connect with me:
- Website: team-ryan.team
- Email: [email protected]
- Twitter: twitter.com/ryanhallwrites
In my final article of 2016, we’re going to talk about ways you can leave 2016 behind to set up 2017 with all your power.
Photo by Pedro Travassos