If you’ve come out of the hookup culture feeling empty, you’re not alone. Daniel Dowling has a plan to help you find the satisfaction you deserve.
Have you heard heroin described as better than sex? How about pineapple upside down cake? There is a reason that everything good is compared to sex; it’s sex.
And now that quick sex has become a commodity, hookups are as American as apple pie. But is it satisfying our needs? Does the hookup culture qualify as innovation?
The millennial generation has been described as the “Ben Franklin generation” because of our innovativeness. We’re forced into creativity because of the socioeconomic and environmental mess we’ve been handed by our parents; we’re forced into greatness.
And like any great throughout history, we get to choose which comforts we sacrifice for excellence. Where do our relationships fit into this journey?
By today’s standards, lasting love seems improbable at best and unrealistic at worst. We’ve lost faith. And since relationships are indispensable to our long-term security and happiness, we need more innovation in how we love. But the hookup culture lacks the qualifications for innovation.
Innovation in your relationships
The ingredients for innovation are connection, hope, and pressure.
Technological innovation is genuine because it connects more people through larger, faster, and more intelligent networks. It offers hope to all corners of the world, and it does so under the pressure of necessity.
Civil innovators like Gandhi and MLK connected more people to peace, equality, non-violence, and hope for humanity under extreme pressure: they were genuine too.
But when it comes to hookup culture ideology, where are we more connected, where is the hope, and where is the pressure that induces greatness?
- Has it connected us more to the life that comes through love?
- Has it connected us to values and virtue that support lifelong love?
- Has it renewed our hope in the decency and goodness of mankind?
- Does it promote lasting friendships?
- Does it help us connect with our future spouses?
- Does it challenge us to respect each other, and to value the inner beauty that makes for lasting relationships?
- Is the hookup culture something we can take pride in handing to the next generation; is it something they can have hope in?
Though I haven’t seen anything that qualifies as innovation, the hookup culture offers us this:
- Ease, convenience, and command over extraordinary amounts of pleasure.
- A warm body to comfort us when we’re lonely
- The security of the majority
- And an escape from the pressure of monogamy and marriage.
Are those “benefits” worth the cost of settling for less than we’re worth?
The hookup culture is like a vacuum. It is a void of responsibility with no pressure to commit. Those qualities seem good at first glance, but nothing ever happens in a vacuum. It is pressure that induces greatness of all kinds, from the Grand Canyon, to Michael Jordan buzzer-beaters, to the formation of this once amazing country.
Without pressure, without connection, and without hope we miss out on opportunities for innovation: for greatness. Your relationships are definitely included.
If you have a sense that the hookup culture cannot offer what you need to be happy, you’re not alone.
Here are ten tips to transition out of the hookup culture:
1-Where you used to take, look to give.
2-Question everything you’ve been taught about love and romance.
“Is this good for me? Is this good for my future family? Is this good for my community? Is this something I can be proud of? Can I share this freely and courageously with others? Will there be more peace, more connection, and more hope through this?
3-Rethink your role models
The Carrie Bradshaws of TV and Hollywood have glamorized the hookup culture, making it almost irresistible. So if you want out, make sure that the information you take in connects you with a brighter future and hope.
4-When you feel lonely or hopeless, look to improve yourself, and to find meaning in what you create and share with others.
5-Learn all that you can about love and your needs in relationships.
6-Look at people as the future husbands and wives they are.
7-Choose your friends wisely
You become your friends, and they become you. If you know there is something better for you beyond the hookup culture, surround yourself with people who have big dreams, whose actions today are connected with the future, and who exude hope for love. Surround yourself with innovators.
8-Make self improvement a lifestyle
Hookups look way more appealing when we want to be distracted from the growth we know we’re capable of. And when we aren’t satisfied with how we’ve grown and what we give others, we look to take. And when we look to take from others, we reduce the faith we have in ourselves and our self-esteem. Which leads to more hookups.
9-Get a mentor
We learn by watching others. So if you want to dig deeper for happiness in relationships, find someone who has already achieved deep, committed, and unconditional love. Ask them how they got to be where they are now, and the challenges they had to overcome on the journey. Ask them what their greatest sources of inspiration were, and what pulled them through when they felt like settling for less.
10-Discover your passion
We’re all born with unique gifts that are needed in our communities. And we need to feel needed in sharing our passions for the benefit of others: it’s part of the human experience. When we live life by other’s designs, we end up feeling empty and hungry for meaning. And when we are driven by that feeling to seek meaning in relationships, it’s a lose-lose situation.
The hookup culture was good for me in one way only: I hit rock bottom and had to find another way. If you’ve had the feeling that something isn’t right, don’t wait till your life is in shambles to change. Learn everything you can about loving like a human being. Love unconditionally.