Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
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[Music]
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foreign
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we have a question in from Amber who
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says hi jams gotta say I absolutely
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adored a podcast listening to you all
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gives me hope positivity and makes me
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excited about dating my question for you
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today is something I’ve always struggled
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with and that is talking to approaching
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and or flirting with attractive men I am
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extremely outgoing friendly person who
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talks to strangers all the time however
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when around an attractive single man I
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tend to freeze up like a shy introvert I
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would love the confidence of a woman who
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knows what they want and goes after it
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however in public bars concerts parties
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Etc I never have the guts to flirt or
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approach an attractive stranger I’m
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worried about coming off too strong too
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obvious that I’m interested and almost
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put too much pressure on the situation
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leaving me not doing anything how can I
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shake this fear and allow myself to be
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open to striking up conversation with a
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man who I find attractive thanks for all
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your work Amber so Amber the quick piece
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of advice I’m going to give you on this
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is you’re beginning too much with the
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end in mind you’re thinking that you’re
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already
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overwhelming Yourself by thinking that I
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have to go over to someone that I find
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really attractive have a great
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conversation
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flirt with them make them want me
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exchange details and have it go
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somewhere and that would be enough to
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intimidate anybody
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I want you to turn
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your hope or your expectation about what
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you’d like to happen into just a
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complete
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non-expectant curiosity
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that I am going to be
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I am just going to go into social
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situations with a sense of curiosity
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that anything can happen
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and I’m not going to try to go in
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thinking I have to seduce this person
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I’m gonna go in thinking
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I wonder where tonight will lead I
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wonder who I might meet
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and one of the ways to do that is just
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to go in and warm yourself up
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when we think too much we’re in our
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heads and we’re not actually warming up
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our muscles our social muscles go in and
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just talk to people talk to everyone
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talk to anybody don’t discriminate don’t
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if they work they’re great if they don’t
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work they’re great are they a man are
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they a woman doesn’t matter just go and
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talk to people be a bit more of a kind
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of butterfly with that that initial
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energy of just you’re open you’re a
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people lover you just like people and so
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you’re just going to say hi to people
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and and you’re just going to take little
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moments to connect and if they go
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nowhere they go nowhere if you cheers
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someone and it goes nowhere it goes
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nowhere if you tell someone you like
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something they’re wearing then and and
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that’s all it is they say thank you and
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that’s the end of that interaction great
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that was the end of that interaction
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so two big things one warm up don’t go
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in there and sit there hanging around
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occasionally staring at the person you
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find really attractive and building up
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the moment where you go over and talk to
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them that’s a recipe for doing nothing
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warm up by talking to lots of different
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people and then
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when you are talking to people you find
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attractive instead of having any kind of
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expectation around where it’s going to
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go
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just imagine that even if I can even if
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I connect with this person for five
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seconds to tell them that I like
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something they’re wearing I’m gonna let
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it be just that and I’m going to have no
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expectation there can be no rejection if
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all I’m doing is being a sociable human
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being
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and and let me just start there and see
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where it goes because just the pot that
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what that means is there’s the
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possibility that something will happen
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what you’re doing right now where you
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don’t do anything means there’s no
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possibility
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by doing what I’m saying the world opens
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up does it mean that something will
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happen tonight no does it mean that that
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person is going to have an amazing
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positive reaction and you’re going to
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end up talking no doesn’t mean any of
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that
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but you’ve lowered the stakes and you’ve
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at least opened the door to possibility
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and the rejection that you’re so worried
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about can’t come to you when all you’re
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doing is being a sociable human being
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not someone who’s going in with a very
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specific result in mind when you talk to
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someone you think is attractive I think
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the problem is perfectly epitomized by
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this part of a question where she says I
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would love the confidence of a woman who
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knows what they want and goes after it
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that is I guess what some people think
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of confidence as but that’s not really
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what confidence is right like the people
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that are really confident they don’t
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have so much intent about this one thing
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it’s usually that no matter what happens
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they’re going to be fine so this this
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massive amount of intent Amber that
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you’re putting into this interaction
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just remove that completely and do what
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Matt says and just have a mild curiosity
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and know that you’re going to be fine
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whatever like you just remove any of
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that true wanting that you that you
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think you’re supposed to have here
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imagine them in their underwear
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don’t don’t do that like in public
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speaking
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that doesn’t work in attraction it does
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not work it doesn’t work with a sexy
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person who you’re already nervous about
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okay sorry
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wait I know that cat videos are
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beckoning you I do I understand but
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before you go and watch them I have
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something that will change your life
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more than those kittens and it is a free
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video on what you can text someone to
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make it go in a serious Direction
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instead of some mindless
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sexual frivolity to get this video for
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free go to what to textnext.com I’m
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going there right now
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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