The #1 Thing Men Say To Avoid Commitment [Video]

.

.

In the early days of dating, figuring out if someone is actually open to a relationship is key.

But what does it mean when you ask them whether they’re interested in a committed relationship and they respond, “I could be open to that . . . with the right person”?

This sentence can make us feel safe to dive in, but do we really know whether they’re truly looking for a relationship . . . or just telling us what we want to hear?

In today’s video, I give you three things to look for in those early days to limit the guesswork and know if things are actually progressing toward real commitment.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

0:00
there’s a line that men use in early
0:02
dating that is a little bit
0:07
swindly this is a word that me and
0:09
Audrey coined from the show the Tinder
0:13
swindler to swindley to do something
0:16
that is not in the other person’s
0:18
interest for your own ends I.E don’t you
0:22
[ __ ] swindly me now one of the ways
0:26
that a guy might try to Swindle you in
0:28
the beginning of dating is when you
0:32
tried to bring up the idea of
0:33
relationships you say to them what do
0:36
you what do you think about
0:37
relationships and they say I could be
0:40
open to a relationship with the right
0:43
person now some people may be saying
0:46
this sincerely
0:48
I could imagine someone saying yeah I’m
0:51
open to a relationship with the right
0:52
person or I could imagine the swindly
0:56
who says I could be I could be
1:00
open to a relationship with the right
1:02
person I could be an astronaut I could
1:05
be a pillow I could be a Pokemon that
1:09
could be anything you see I could be a
1:11
dancer when that person says it it’s
1:14
exploiting a loophole that says
1:17
yeah there’s a possibility now let’s not
1:21
talk about it anymore and with that
1:24
person you can find yourself going down
1:26
the path of dating them also not it’s
1:29
not just that they implicated You by
1:32
saying that it’s the in the back of your
1:34
mind it’s a way of of pushing off any
1:37
difficult conversations yourself because
1:39
if you really want to we’re a biased
1:40
judge aren’t we if we really want to see
1:41
someone if we have a lot of chemistry
1:43
with someone if we’re excited about them
1:45
we’re looking for excuses to see them so
1:48
when they say yeah you know it’s
1:50
possible we go it’s possible
1:53
now I can go and have sex with them so I
1:56
want you to be very careful it’s okay to
1:59
continue to see a person like this but
2:01
don’t let the blind hope of something
2:04
they said early on
2:06
stop you from measuring the actual
2:09
progress or lack of progress that you’re
2:13
seeing in those first couple of months
2:16
progress means there’s cons more
2:20
consistent communication as time goes on
2:22
more frequent there’s more of it you
2:25
feel like you’re getting closer you feel
2:27
like you’re getting more comfortable
2:28
with each other you feel like you’re
2:29
being more vulnerable with each other
2:31
you’re letting them in they’re letting
2:33
you in progress looks like him actually
2:36
inviting you into his world into what I
2:38
think of as the constants in his life
2:41
when someone is trying to keep your arms
2:43
length often they won’t bring you around
2:44
the constants in their life the things
2:47
that it would be more difficult to
2:49
extricate you from if it was to end
2:52
tomorrow so it could be stuff that’s to
2:55
do with their work it could be stuff
2:56
that’s to do with their friendships or
2:58
their family they won’t bring you into
3:01
that inner circle because it makes for
3:04
an easier exit the moment they don’t
3:06
want to put in any more effort at the
3:07
moment they don’t want to see you again
3:09
it works for them to be able to pick you
3:11
up and put you down at their Leisure and
3:16
the third way that you can measure
3:17
progress is whether you’ve actually been
3:19
able to have a conversation about not
3:21
seeing other people exclusivity are we
3:24
temporarily
3:25
cutting off our other options in order
3:28
to focus on each other to see what this
3:30
might become and if you’re not feeling
3:33
any of those three things then there’s
3:37
likely not much progress in the
3:39
relationship
3:40
it’s probably a situation where this
3:43
person calls you when they want to see
3:44
you and then is of living their life the
3:47
rest of the time until they need their
3:49
next hit at that point
3:52
you’ve got to be able to say to them hey
3:55
I am really enjoying spending time with
3:58
you when we spend time together and I
4:01
know that for me I’m looking for a
4:04
relationship with the right person and I
4:07
know you said you were open to a
4:09
relationship with the right person but
4:12
I don’t feel that there’s any progress
4:16
between us
4:18
and so it leaves me wondering whether
4:20
anything has actually shifted for you in
4:23
the sense of seeing what this can be
4:25
together
4:26
or whether nothing’s changed that
4:29
tells that person exactly where you
4:32
stand because you can literally say to
4:34
them I it makes me wary of giving any
4:37
more to this situation you can spell
4:39
that out for someone you know the reason
4:41
I’m bringing this up is because I really
4:43
enjoy seeing you but I’m wary of
4:45
investing more in
4:48
time and energy seeing you when I don’t
4:51
necessarily feel like
4:53
anything has shifted from your side
4:55
since that original conversation and
4:57
feel free to tell me if I’m wrong we
4:59
have to be willing to have that
5:01
difficult conversation remember if
5:04
you’re looking
5:05
for a great relationship with the right
5:07
person
5:08
the right person to you is not just
5:11
someone you are Charmed by it’s not just
5:13
someone that you think highly of is
5:16
someone who’s ready the right person is
5:18
both right and ready and if they’re not
5:21
ready they can’t be right and someone
5:24
demonstrates their Readiness by actual
5:27
progression that is seen through their
5:30
actions by the ways they invest in
5:34
moving things forward with you if you do
5:36
not see that don’t allow the hope that a
5:40
rose that originated from this person at
5:43
one point saying to you they might one
5:46
day be open to a relationship with the
5:49
right person
5:50
to Blind you from the facts now if you
5:53
like this advice and you want more of it
5:56
or perhaps this video didn’t quite speak
5:59
to your exact dating issue I have a tool
6:02
at yourdating solution.com you can tell
6:06
it your challenge and it will recommend
6:08
you my best solution that suits your
6:12
needs from the last 15 years of doing
6:14
this so check it out it’s at
6:16
yourdatingsolution.com and I will see
6:19
you over there thank you and I’ll see
6:21
you in the next video

—

This post was previously published on YouTube.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock