The #1 Weird Way to Get Him Back (or Get Over Him Fast)

To anyone reading this right now, who has a broken heart.

When you have a broken heart, two things are going on. On one hand, you have pain, pain that you are no longer around somebody you love. You also have fears. Fear that maybe you lost the person who’s actually right for you.

I know that you may not admit this to your friends or your family, but there’s probably a part of you inside that is wondering if you can get him back. There’s also another part of you that’s thinking, well how do I move on?

So you’re conflicted internally about what to do next. What should be my next move?

I want you to breathe a sigh of relief because the path to moving on and the path to getting him back are exactly the same.

It’s the same process to do both. But here’s the problem. Something is going on inside of you that is making it difficult for you to do either of those two things. You’re addicted.

You’re addicted to the feeling of that person. And a breakup is the equivalent of somebody taking away your drug at the height of your addiction and you have such withdrawal that you will do anything to get your fix again.

So he broke up with you and now a few days later, maybe even a few hours later he’s already texting you. He’s getting on. Maybe you even go for coffee with him. Maybe one of you even goes to the other one’s house and you sleep together again. And you get that instant connection. Both of you get that instant gratification. The result is that you feed your addiction and he never feels the pain of having broken up with you.

If you’re serious about getting somebody back you have to raise the stakes. People really move to action when there are real stakes that play out, and fight for food when they’re hungry. People finally start living their dreams when they feel like time is running out.

And people commit to relationships when they feel like there’s a real chance that that relationship could slip through their fingers. But as long as you are feeding your addiction, he will never feel real stakes in the matter. So you feed your addiction and his stakes drop.

All of this puts you in the limbo loop.

And this happens over and over again. This is why you can find that for years on end, you can still be in touch with someone never moving on never getting over them and at the same time he never gets over you but he still keeps using you for validation, for the connection. You’re feeding your addiction.

You’re getting a little something out of it. You’re getting your fix but it’s not satisfying. It’s not happiness. It’s just comfort. But that’s what people do when they get into a fix. They give in to comfort they give into their addiction and your addiction sends down his steaks. So he never feels the reality of having broken up with you.

So how do you short-circuit the limbo loop?

With the no-contact period

This means making a clean break from this person for some time. And let me tell you, it is never too late to begin the no-contact period.

He may have broken up with you months or even years ago and been in a cycle of talking to him ever since. That changes today. I want your no-contact period to start right now.

The first thing I encourage people to do, in fact, the first thing I order people to do is to go through a no-contact period even saying that they understand that this is now a clean break and that they’re going to go on their own path and they’re going to do exactly that.

I want you to do that starting today. I guarantee that there are people who love you right now if you’re heartbroken there are people who love you who are telling you to do exactly this. They may not be telling you how to do it, but they’re telling you to do it.

They’re telling you it’s time for you to make a clean break and move on with your life. Your addiction is stopping you from doing that, but better times lie ahead if you can give yourself a genuine day of breaking away from that person because you will either move on and find someone better or you will give him a genuine opportunity to come to his senses and decide that you are what he really wants.

I know it’s hard, but this is one of the worst feelings in the world, barring a health issue, a , heartache and heartbreak are amongst the worst pains a human being can feel.

I’m with you. We’re on the same team.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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