Ultimately, the answer can be highly specific because each person’s journey is unique.

It’s no wonder we get inspired by many different people. It’s because we see something we value or want to emulate in each of these sources of inspiration.

But our heroes and inspirations did it. They achieved their thing. But you’re still wondering what’s going on with you? When is it my turn? These aren’t uncommon questions.

Most of us will struggle at some point or another to attain or achieve what we want. Even just to know if we’re on the right path is a question some of us might be too afraid to ask because the answer might not be what we want to hear.

Despite this, if you ask the right questions, you’ll get the right answers.

And when it comes to the two reasons success takes too long, I find that it is either that what you want isn’t what you really want, or you have a negative relationship with failure.

What you want isn’t what you want

This is the explanation nobody wants to hear and everybody hopes to avoid because it stinks of the sunk cost fallacy.

If you’ve been investing time, energy, money and resources into something that was never meant for you, you might still sink more time, energy, money and resources so that it becomes for you.

Of course, the problem with this is that there’s still a path that remains a “what if” for you. Many people fail to pursue what they truly care about due to societal pressure, cultural pressure, parental pressure and, of course, peer pressure.

Then we pressure ourselves.

We want to be seen as successful, as worthy of respect, so we do what we do to attain it. And yet, when we fail to do what needs to be done, self-sabotage, or fall just below the mark, we wonder why.

Maybe you just don’t want it. Maybe you want something else.

Let’s say you want to be an engineer of some sort. If you achieve this, there are a ton of great things you’ll get that you’ve longed for.

But for whatever reason, things either don’t work out, or you hate the experience. You do all the things necessary for things to be better, but things never improve.

It even gets to the point where you’re burnt out from trying and failing and trying and failing.

That’s when the thought pops up: maybe this isn’t what I really want.

You might dismiss it at first, but if you sit with the question and feel whatever comes up, you might find that you really don’t want it. Why? Because the journey you’ve been on has been crap virtually the entire time.

What would happen if you stopped pressuring yourself to follow this specific path? The opposite of pressure. Relaxation.

It is at this point you have a question to answer. Do I persist in what has made me miserable or do I pursue harmony? Do I stay on the path of pressure or pivot to the path of peace?

But maybe this isn’t you. Maybe you know that your path is exactly the right one. You know this because you’re passionate about it, your passion matches the passion of others who are successful, so there’s no doubt about your path.

What’s the issue then?

If you are on the right path, failure is to be expected

Most people were taught that failure is not to be tolerated. This is dumb.

Knowledge is not superior to ignorance because in order to learn, one must first be ignorant. If you have the humility to accept that you don’t know, you have the ability to learn.

However, if you lack the humility to accept that you don’t know, you will pretend that you do and fail over and over again until life humbles you.

This is why failure is not only to be expected on your path to success, it is mandatory.

You don’t know everything, and as was mentioned earlier, your path will differ from the journey of others. You can learn from others and be inspired by them, but your journey will be specific to you.

I always used to hate the whole “the journey is the destination” thing. Why? Because I didn’t want the journey. I wanted the end goal. The money in my pocket, the girl on my arm, the respect from others swirling in my mind.

But this is yet another reason the path must be one you value. Otherwise, there is no joy in the path. It’s just an annoying thing keeping you away from what you want.

Failure is necessary to show us what doesn’t work for us. As a matter of fact, maybe failure isn’t even the problem. Maybe it’s the lack of answers.

If you try something and it doesn’t work out, fair enough. If you have other things you could try, at least that’s something. However, sometimes you might just have to invent something.

To have a better relationship with failure, literally ask yourself how you feel about it and see what comes up emotionally. If there’s resistance to it, that’s how you know there’s a problem.

And if you may have to come up with a unique solution, exercise patience. You have a lot of experience and chances are things were successful to some degree.

If you can patch together these different answers, you may come up with the answer.

I’m not really a fashion guy but I find the story of Vera Wang to be really inspirational.

In a way, she was usually successful in what she did but was often overlooked.

She was a good figure skater but not good enough to make the US Olympic team. Then she worked for Vogue and got as high as senior editor but failed to be named editor-in-chief.

Then she designed bridal gowns. At 40 years old.

Back then people really wondered if she was having a crisis of identity.

Today, she is known as the woman who totally revolutionised an entire industry. The puffy, frilly wedding dresses are a thing of antiquity. And as a guy, I thank Vera because those old dresses always looked kind of ostentatious and clumsy.

It’s important to point out the power of belief. If you doubt yourself, you believe that you will fail. Doubt isn’t the absence of belief, it’s just a belief that you can’t do it. Obviously unhelpful.

It’s also important to point out that sometimes success takes too long because the system is totally messed up.

It’s not your fault but sometimes people climb the ladder and then pull it up behind them. Sometimes you deserve the spot but they give it to someone else.

I don’t mean to share it as an excuse, but sometimes it is a reality.

Nevertheless, virtually all of us are driven to succeed at something — whether because we are genuinely passionate or genuinely insecure. That’s another thing to consider.

Success may take a long time but it may not feel that way if you enjoy the process. Employing a good attitude to the journey is how you enjoy the process. It is also a major help in attaining success.

To be honest with you, it is hard to see how doing something you don’t like or having a poor attitude to your task would cause you to end up happy.

That’s how I figured out the journey really is the destination. Because even when you reach, there’s more road ahead. And when you like what you do, there’s little reason to stop.

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