One of the biggest blocks to people making a change in their life is the set of beliefs they hold. About how hard it will be. About if it’s the ‘right’ decision. About how much time it will take.
But in reality, there are 3 truths I want to share with anyone on the self-help journey.
Belief #1. We must accept, believe, and follow the ‘Shoulds’ of how we are expected-to-be.
It’s okay to fit into some boxes or not others. As long as those ‘shoulds’ are working for you and your life. Most of us never step back enough to realise how we’ve been programmed.
I’m a writer who barely drinks coffee and has never taken drugs. I do tend to write into the night, and I sometimes write while drinking to help ideas flow.
I’m also a millennial with a husband, mortgage and full-time job.
No, I don’t like avocados.
We are automatically programmed to accept and believe certain ‘facts’ by our culture, and the most important skill is to be curious and to question what you tell yourself.
When we identify those inner voices, and ask “is this true” it can put the power back into our hands. I especially like to ask “is this helping me?”
The idea that “entrepreneurship is risky, while traditional jobs are safe’ may have once been a fact. It may also be a fact in some fields. But it is not always true for every human on this planet.
Similarly, the concept that “to be beautiful people must be thin” has been continually disproved because: we all like different things! But when a young boy or girl has never questioned if this is true, nor if this belief is helpful for their health and wellbeing… they are kept slave to an idea that doesn’t work for us.
If you did not have ‘expectations,’ what might you do differently? And imagining that ideal — would you be in a better place? Would your life be more positive, purpose-filled, helpful for others?
The Truth: What you believe: a) is normal, b) will feel uncomfortable to to challenge, c) is never 100% fact. When you question your beliefs, you take back control over who you truly are.
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Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash
#2. A lot of self development and personal reinvention work talks about a ‘new you’, or shares the story of completely uprooting from your current life.
I’ve read Eat, Pray, Love — I understand that some people like to completely start over. They need to tie off the loose ends and have a fresh slate.
I’m not one of them. I have a mortgage to pay, a husband I love, and I know that the reinvention I have always longed for, is really a form of evolution.
My approach with Rooted Reinvention focuses on the roots and foundations you already have, so you have that stability in your life while you make the tweaks to higher up the tree, so to speak.
So although you CAN reinvent yourself by starting from scratch, you don’t HAVE to.
It is possible to reflect on who you’ve always been beneath the shoulds, and slowly bring that identity to the surface, melding it into the life you already have. I do not want to undo the last twenty years of my self-development journey.
The Truth: It’s possible to reinvent yourself while still living in the real world, without burning your current life to the ground.
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Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash
#3. If you’re still doing this, you must have got it wrong before.
Although many of us are looking for a ‘real me’ beneath the surface, we do have the understanding, deep down, that human beings are always growing.
Our brains continue to grow, prune and re-wire themselves even on the day we die. So although we look at reaching a space of the reinvention being ‘done’ — and I guess in a similar vein, seeking the ‘quick fix’ — it’s just reaching the next level, with the idea that in time, the level beyond that will come.
Some of us are driven to reinvent ourselves. It’s a natural instinct to continually grow and respond to the world around us. For me, this involved studying Psychology at university, and then going on to complete a Masters, and even then pushing myself to become qualified in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques.
I’m always looking for that next piece of the puzzle, curiously questioning what else I can do to make my life easier, to help others, and to understand and know who I am.
The Truth: We’re never 100% ‘done’ with reinvention. Again, I think of it as an evolution, of changing in response to our environment like a tree or animal might.
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If you look at those beliefs and feel they work for you, that’s grand. What I’m specifically speaking to here, is those with that sense that we are ‘wrong’ for not fitting into the expectations given to us. That we are broken for wanting to uncover our true nature.
If you are driven to reinvent yourself, I need you to know this: you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are enough. Now we’re clear on that, go question your beliefs & reinvent your life. You’ve got this.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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Photo credit: Unsplash
