Men, you need to know that for a woman respect is one of the crucial components of her relationship with a man.
If a woman doesn’t respect you, she most probably won’t be attracted to you. She won’t trust you. She won’t want you around as more than a friend.
Here’s what you can do about it.
1. Act like an adult.
If you’re behaving like an entitled little boy screaming about how you deserve the world and then some, the match is already lost.
This goes way further than expecting a woman to cook and clean for you, while you slob around in disgusting underwear and throw your dirty socks in the middle of the living room.
But that’s a huge part of it too.
Many years ago I was in an ill-advised relationship with this guy who was a weird man-child in need of undivided attention.
Here’s one example that will freak you out.
One day we were having lunch in a diner. It was no big deal, just a regular fast food kind of place with burgers and fries, you know the kind. The conversation was lagging and we were both bored.
About halfway into the meal (get a load of this!), he started picking up fries from his plate between his knife and his fork and throwing them on the floor!
I froze. I looked at him and was speechless. He looked back with a blank face and picked up another batch of oily fries that met the floor a second later.
The next thing I did was put my coat on and left. The next day he was at my door, begging for a second chance.
If you’re looking for a woman to be your mom or be the audience to your bratty shows, you will never get that woman’s respect.
Keep in mind that the moment women lose respect for you, they also lose sexual desire.
A lot of men insist on being coddled and get angry when their partner refuses to cater to their every whim. Hopefully, you’re not one of them.
Because inadvertently, you’d be setting yourself up for disaster.
If a woman needs to take care of you in any way, you’re her child. And children get no respect.
2. Stop lying.
Stop telling women what you think they want to hear. Most often than not, you have no idea what women want to hear.
I’ve seen a lot of men unable to say anything else to a woman than ‘yes’, and ‘no’, and vomit a bunch of compliments that get really old really fast.
Don’t beat around the bush. If you have something to say, say it. Just treat her like a human being that you are not trying to impress. Treat her like a friend.
As long as you’re not being a jerk about it, you will earn her respect and attention. Be kind and tactful, but be yourself.
I remember one time when I had 2 male friends who were very different from each other.
One of them would always be nice, sweet, and positive whenever we met. He always found something nice to say, always complimented my hair, my shoes, or my smile.
But because he was always careful not to say or do something that would bother me (like, say, tell me the truth), I could never count on his opinion. I never knew if he was saying things just to be nice or because that’s what he really thought.
The other one didn’t bother with the compliments and if something was amiss he would always tell me. Although he sometimes went a bit too far with it, I respected him, because he had the confidence to be himself and I knew I could count on his honest opinion.
And that’s what women are looking for: to be able to trust you. That’s when you also get respect.
The trick is to be assertive, not aggressive.
3. Learn how to self-regulate.
Your emotions are your responsibility. If you’re angry, that’s on you to fix. If you’re having a hard day, you’re your first line of defense.
You don’t choose your feelings, but you do choose your response.
You can’t directly control your feelings, but you can 100% control your actions and that will regulate your feelings as well.
All you need to do is find that split second between feeling and action. That’s where your power is.
You can’t do it? Therapy is the answer. If you’re interested in getting the respect of women, men, and basically everyone around, you need to seek professional counsel.
It’s not a whim, it’s not something rich and bored people do, it’s a necessity for a good life, especially if you find yourself losing your temper much too often and having it influence your whole life for the worst.
You might think that it’s cool to be the broody masculine dark hero with a quick temper, but it’s only cool in the movies. In real life, it’s weird and most probably abusive.
Women will be turned off and lose respect for you. Don’t do it.
In the same category of self-regulation, we have the clingy simp who would do anything to get a woman.
What a turnoff! Find a healthy middle and go with that.
Your life and well-being don’t depend on a woman. Don’t be a slave to a woman’s whims. Somebody who’s into you wouldn’t make you jump through hoops for her and the more you do, the more respect you lose.
No woman will respect a man who doesn’t have his own life and is willing to give up everything at the flick of her little finger.
It’s an obvious sign that he’s not able to take care of himself and he’s desperately looking for someone to do that for him.
So why would any woman respect that? Especially a woman who is able to do for herself what you can’t do for yourself.
4. Stand up for what you believe in.
A lot of people would rather avoid conflict, for the sake of keeping up appearances, being civil, and not ruining their day with a dispute that goes nowhere.
Mind you, this is not about getting yourself into trouble and definitely not about being aggressive. And if something has the potential to turn dangerous, it’s better to back away.
But in regular day-to-day life, if you want to gain a woman’s respect, you better be ready to step up for what you believe in.
I remember a while back when I was with a male friend in the supermarket. We were waiting in line and this couple cut in front of us. My friend started whispering in my ear about how it’s not cool, how unfair the world is and how this wouldn’t have happened a while back when the world was a much better place.
I stopped him and addressed the couple who cut in line: ‘I’m sorry, but we were waiting in line. They replied something along the lines of ‘come on, we only have these 3 items, let’s make the world a better place, etc.
‘You should have asked and I would have let you go ahead of me with your 3 items, I do it all the time. But instead, you chose to sneak past me and try to get away with it. I don’t appreciate that. I’m making the world a better place by standing up to abuse. Go to the back of the line before I call security.’
While this was no big deal and each of us chooses to deal with uncomfortable societal situations in our own way, don’t expect to get respect from a woman if you don’t stand up in a tricky situation.
Especially a woman who has no problem doing that herself.
5. Be humble.
I have never heard of anyone losing respect faster than someone who brags left and right about his accomplishments.
If you’re that good, results will show. You don’t have to scream them at the world. Everyone will know you’re full of it and everyone will laugh behind your back.
I remember years ago these 2 guys from a group of friends I was in. They were both gorgeous and smart (in very different ways). One of them had a lot of success with women and everybody knew it. It was obvious, we could see it from the way they looked at him and we also saw him leave with someone else every 2 nights. Yet he never ever said anything about it. It was like it wasn’t even happening.
The other guy (who looked just like a young Elvis) spent at least half of a conversation about how much sex he was having with a lot of different girls.
Nobody believed him and we were all sick and tired of hearing about it. Actually, we all thought he was a virgin. And we weren’t wrong. A year later, when he finally got a girlfriend, he confessed that she was his first.
Stop bragging about how cool you are, how much you’re getting laid, and how successful your business is. Actually, stop bragging about anything.
People will be able to tell anyway and you’ll get the respect you’re looking for if only you don’t shove it in people’s faces.
Women love a man who has done a lot but doesn’t need to scream it from the mountain tops. Because that’s what confident people do. And women love confidence.
Women respect men who respect themselves.
If you want to be respected by women, start by adopting these five powerful attitudes.
Remember that it takes time and practice to internalize these attitudes and make them a part of your personality — but it’s not difficult to get there. The effort is well worth it!
It’s a matter of attitude more than possessions. Of the middle ground more than extreme acts. Anyone can do it.
What attitude do you need to work on most?
Interested in love and money? Join my email list.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
|White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism||Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box||The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer||What We Talk About When We Talk About Men|
Photo credit: sobhan joodi on Unsplash