Our world often takes parenting for granted. If I’ve learned anything through committing my life to the study of how families work and why they matter, it’s that we don’t give mothers and fathers enough credit.
Moms, dads, and honorary individuals who fill such roles in the life of a child are indispensable, and are core in shaping the life of a child, from birth, well into adulthood.
“Fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man.” — Frank Pittman
One interesting statistic I found stated that “85% of children and teens with behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes, and over 70% of all adolescent patients in drug and alcohol treatment centers originate from homes without fathers.” (US Congressman Burgess Owens)
While correlation isn’t causation, it’s certainly obvious through a great amount of data that without great fathers, children suffer. There’s something just about the presence of a father in the home that can bolster the quality of a child’s emerging years.
But what makes them great? What makes an amazing father? Here are a few intentional acts, habits, and missions that I believe fathers can make that make them great:
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#1: Bring joy to their family
Some of the greatest dads I know are incredible joy-givers. They are the first to suggest getting a new pet just for fun, pull their kids around on an innertube behind the boat at the lake, and start a Nerf war on New Years (These are all true stories about my uncle, actually — he’s pretty great.)
“Dads are most ordinary men turned into heroes, adventurers, storytellers and singers of song.” — Pam Brown
Great fathers bring down the hammer and set the serious tone when they need to, but also aren’t afraid to be fun, joyful, and obviously happy in front of their partner and children.
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#2: Providing for his tribe
While antiquated, the idea of a man providing for his family is a crucial concept that we would be wise to heed in our modern society. Great fathers do what they can to provide, whether that be going and working from dawn to dusk every day, or staying home while their partner works.
“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” — George Herbert
They’re protectors and providers and make sure that everyone under their roof is taken care of. I’ve seen many great fathers extend this, also, and take care of their children’s friends or other individuals they find that need help.
They aren’t afraid to extend resources to those around them that they see need them most.
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#3: Get (and stay) involved
Great fathers aren’t just present in the home, but are actively involved in their child’s lives. This can look a lot of different ways, and often shows up through the father being the leader of the family.
It can also look like coaching the Little League team, asking their children about their lives or taking their children on special outings and adventures.
“Listen, there is no way any true man is going to let children live around him in his home and not discipline and teach, fight and mold them until they know all he knows. His goal is to make them better than he is. Being their friend is a distant second to this.” ― Victor Devlin
Right now, my brother is on a hunting trip with his girlfriend’s dad. His girlfriend isn’t there — but Mr. F has made it his mission to get to know the young man dating his daughter. If that isn’t involvement, then I don’t know what is.
Good dads know what’s going on. They’re aware of the milestones, the important events, and the things that matter to the people that they love. They want to be in the know, and take steps to be so.
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#4: Celebrate their kids
Fathers have to be more than involved and present — this presence and involvement needs to be innately positive. Too many children in this world have grown up with angry and domineering fathers who were anything but kind and supportive.
“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: He believed in me.” — Jim Valvano
I think that great fathers are those who celebrate their kids. They’re the first one to cheer and applaud their kid, and to get excited about what they’re doing, no matter what.
They know that not every moment has to be a teaching moment, and that sometimes a kid just needs a hug and a pat on the back. Good fathers love unconditionally, and make the nature of that love obvious to their kids by the way that they treat them.
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#5: Nurture their kids
Great fathers know that parenting is more about creating a safe and healthy physical reality for their kids. They understand their child’s emotional needs, and aim to be healthily attached to all of their children in light of their individual needs and personalities.
“the four pillars of parenting: making kids feel safe, seen, soothed, and supported and challenged.” — Kids Link
I like what Kids Link has to say about the four pillars of parenting and how to nurture children in light of each of these pillars.
“Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then, it’s a love without end.” — George Strait, “Love Without End, Amen”
Great fathers follow these four pillars of nurturing, and provide for their child’s physical needs, while also acknowledging them as humans, comforting them when things are difficult, and challenging them to always be better.
Great fathers understand the balance between shaping your children into being bigger and better people and appreciating who they are today and celebrating them for that.
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#6: Teach their children skills and morals
Growing up, the greatest examples of fathers in my life were a band of good Christian and southern men who were always ready to teach the children in their life about the Bible, about what mattered most, and about how to get a good day’s work done every day.
My grandfather taught my brothers and I about knife safety, how to shoot guns, and one time took my cousin and I on a day of work with him as the local small-town veterinarian.
I stood doe-eyed and excited to watch him take care of actual does (yes, one of his neighbors kept one as a pet), horses, puppies, cats, and more.
“What makes a good father? A good father sets an example that his children want to follow. A good father provides for the needs of his children — both material and non-material. A good father demonstrates his love in both words and actions. A good father provides guidance in a positive fashion.” ― Rob Kozak, “Finding Fatherhood”
He was always ready to show us what it was like to be a respectable man working in the community, and how to interact with people respectfully. How much of how I do my business today is because of the example that he set in my life.
My step-dad, as soon as he was starting to become more acclimated with our family, began to teach my brothers different skills he realized they were lacking.
He was ready to show them how to sand dry-wall, take care of things around the house, and even taught me how to operate a power saw out of our garage when I was trying to build a kayak trailer.
Great fathers stand ready to pass down their trades and values to the next generation and want to teach their kids what they know about life, both morally and in the form of real-life skills.
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#7: Don’t let their kids drift away
Good fathers are proactive. If they see that there’s an issue, they step in to resolve it, never letting their kids drift away or stray from their influence. They are an ever-present source of love, support, and kindness in the lives of their children.
They pull their kids in and hold them close.
“The difference between a ‘man’ and a ‘father’ is that the former shares his genes, but latter gives his life.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough
Great fathers are “active parents”, a kind of parent that has been shown to improve the outcomes of a child on measures such as behavior, sociability, and mental health.
They’re not just present fathers, but pursuing men who don’t let their kids evade their influence. They stay present, available, and cognizant of the quality of their relationship with their children all through their lives.
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I firmly believe that good fathers make great men, and that great men have much hope of being great fathers.
I hope that this list has been informative and helpful for you, whether you’re the father, or someone simply intimately concerned with the qualities that make a good father.
Best of luck, and thank you to all of the men trying to be great fathers in this world — whether they have the official title or not. (:
Kindly, Katie
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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