The 8 Behaviors That Quietly Sabotage Your Peace

And how to bring them into the light before they run your life.

According to Carl Jung, the “shadow” consists of parts of us that we don’t acknowledge, deny, or suppress, and that operate behind the scenes, ultimately influencing our actions. These are the parts of ourselves that have gone unexamined and are informed by our fears, as well as those impulses that we often find out of place.

The shadow may not have the overt quality that is easy to recognize; however, it is very often embedded in our everyday actions that seem unharmful or even beneficial.

The following is a list of eight actions that may erode your emotional and psychological well-being by draining the energy from your capacity to attain emotional and psychological well-being.

1. Frequent Agreement With “Yes.”

Although it may seem that agreeing with people is an expression of kindness, in most cases, agreeing is a reaction based on fear.

People pleasing is a favorite disguise that the shadow wears. You may be saying yes out of fear of disappointing or upsetting, or potentially losing someone.

Shadow message:
If I don’t accommodate everyone, I won’t be loved or accepted.

Peace practice:
Before you agree to something, consider pausing to secure a reasonable conclusion about what is reasonable for you to do. If you became stiff or uncomfortable in your body when someone asked a question or made a request of you, the answer is probably “no.”

2. Avoiding Discomfort

We tend to avoid anything that puts us outside our comfort zone because it threatens to shatter our created identities of calm, competent, and in control beings.

Unfortunately, avoidance increases the size of our shadow. What is pushed down does not simply vanish; instead, it seeps through as worry, procrastination, irritation, or as someone struggling with perfectionism.

Shadow message:
“If I face this, I will not be able to handle it.”

Peace practice:
Intentionally lean into and accept small degrees of discomfort in your everyday life. The more discomfort you can tolerate, the more confidence you will build.

3. Seeking Validation

All humans have an inherent desire to be acknowledged and validated. Yet relying on external validation from others to affirm our worth or value results in shattering our inner peace.

When we rely on others’ opinions of us, we depend on them to hold us up and affirm our being. Should someone praise us, it raises our status; while in silence, it lowers us.

Shadow message:
“My worth is not autonomous.”

Peace practice:
Instead of asking yourself, “Did I do the right thing?” try asking yourself, “Does this action align with who I want to be?”

4. Reacting Instead of Responding

Your reaction occurs before you have an opportunity to think. Your response occurs after mentally processing the situation.

Reactions come from the wounded part of you.
Responses are a demonstration of wisdom.

Shadow message:
“They are threatening me, so I need to act quickly.”

Peace practice:
Create a very small pause (an inhale, a sip of water, a small step back) before responding. Most emotional fires extinguish themselves within a second.

5. Over-Explaining

It is common to explain yourself when communicating with another person.
You can be over-explaining as an adaptive response to your need to be understood. By over-explaining, you are attempting to reduce your chances of being judged incorrectly. You may also justify what you say due to the fear of being wrong.

Shadow message:
“I can only validate my viewpoint through demonstration.”

Peace practice:
Keep your sentences short and straightforward, and allow a pause after each sentence to hold you still without exposing yourself.

6. Suppressing Your Own Voice

You remain silent, not because there is nothing of value to share but because of a fear of what will happen if you share.

This creates a lot of internal turmoil, which can sap your energy and resources even when nothing is happening externally.

Shadow message:
“My truths are to be feared.”

Peace practice:
In the presence of lower-risk situations, practice openly communicating and speaking with clarity about your thoughts and feelings. The repeated practice will build strength.

7. Trying to Control Everything

You may tend to be controlling to the point of unreasonableness based on an internal sense of anxiety and/or hyper-vigilance. Much like that small squirrel that you just raked on the side of the road, it will jump, thrash, and bite you if it thinks you are going to grab it.

If you engage in this form of control, it’s important to identify and practice intentionally allowing an element of imperfection each day — i.e., keep a car out of the garage overnight and allow it to get wet in the morning.

Shadow message:
“If I don’t control the outcome, I won’t be safe.”

Peace practice:
Identify one thing each day you can intentionally let be imperfect.

8. Internalizing Other People’s Emotions

If someone around you is upset, your nervous system absorbs it.
Their storm becomes your weather.

This often comes from a childhood shadow pattern: you learned to monitor others’ moods for safety.

Shadow message:
“It’s my job to fix or carry other people’s feelings.”

Peace practice:
Remind yourself: “Their emotions belong to them. My emotions belong to me.”
Simple, but liberating.

Final Thought: The Future is upon us — it won’t happen at once, it’ll unfold little by little.

There are many revolutions that are noisy. This particular revolution is quieter than the others. Not because this is a “small” revolution, but because this revolution will become such a part of our lives that most likely, as individuals, we won’t even be able to differentiate where we end, and our tools begin.
By 2035, we will look back at 2025 and view it as the time that we will “pivot” — that point in time at which the use of technology will transition from being a mere accessory to becoming a true extension of our capabilities as human beings.

The greatest “shift” in this revolution is not a product or technology; rather, this shift is in our perceptions. We have adopted a new model to view what we can accomplish as humans — when intelligence (human & artificial) is present in everything, at all times.
It’s destroyed by unexamined patterns.

We didn’t anticipate this “shift” coming. However, we have come to realize that there is no return to what has already happened.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.