If you could improve your relationship with less than 90 seconds of effort every week, would you do it? Of course, who wouldn’t? 90 seconds is nothing over an entire week, but it could make a huge difference in your relationship.
That’s the promise made by the Gottman Institute:
“It has the potential to benefit the overall health of your relationship.”
Great! Sign me up — what do we have to do? Not much actually. If you want to boost your relationship, just kiss a little longer than normal.
The Six-Second Kiss
Lead researcher in relationships, Dr. John Gottman, recommends a kiss that lasts at least six seconds. “Long enough to feel romantic,” says Gottman.
Six seconds is more than a peck on your way out the door. It makes you pause long enough to create a moment of connection with your partner.
“It stops the busyness in your brain and puts your focus on your partner at that moment.” — The Six Second Kiss, on the Gottman Institute Blog
Over a week, if you kiss like this twice a day, it only adds up to 84 seconds.
Transitions are key
Incorporating a six-second kiss into your greeting/parting routine is even better, according to Gottman.
“The parting and reunion [moments] turn out to be really important,” he explains. It says: “you’re important to me, and when you come back at the end of the day, it’s an event. You matter to me.”
This is something my husband and I really value. We’re both introverts and need to spend a significant part of our week alone, but this can make it challenging to connect some days. We work around this with a morning parting routine.
Transition routines can strengthen relationships, reduce stress, and even protect a relationship from betrayal.
Every morning when the alarm goes off, we set it to snooze and spend at least ten minutes connecting. My husband snuggles in behind me and often kisses my shoulder or whispers, “You’re beautiful.” We quietly chat in each others arms.
My husband gets up before I do, but before he heads off to work, he always comes back to bed for a goodbye kiss.
Transition routines can strengthen relationships, reduce stress, and even protect a relationship from betrayal.
The benefits
Whether you include a kiss in your transition routines or another part of your day, those 6-seconds have some wonderful pay offs.
Physiologically, a 6-second kiss can lower the stress hormone: cortisol, and boost oxytocin, your love hormone.
According to OB/GYN Jessica A. Shepherd, M.D., MBA:
“Several factors have been identified with kissing and love, including oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, serotonin, cortisol, and other stress hormones, nerve growth factor, and testosterone.”
If you’ve been together for a while, you’ve probably noticed some of those initial thrilling hormones — the sexual attraction ones — have dropped off. Luckily, they are replaced with the deeper love and affection that comes with oxytocin. When you have an extended kiss, make eye contact, and slow down your interaction to focus solely on your partner, you nurture that love.
It can even make you feel more in the mood and lead to sex.
Physiologically, it can lower the stress hormone: cortisol, and boost oxytocin, your love hormone.
As for the emotional side of your relationship, a six-second kiss is a great way to increase your connection with each other. Partners who frequently exchange a romantic kiss, are generally happier with their relationship.
In one study “couples who increased their kissing frequency reported higher relationship satisfaction than the control group.”
For less than 90 seconds a week (a six-second kiss twice a day, every day) you can improve your bond with your partner, reduce stress, help protect your relationship, and increase your feelings of love for them.
90 seconds of kissing may even boost your sex life.
It’s a big payout for very little effort. I’m sold. How about you?
—
Previously Published on medium
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
 |
 |
 |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
