The Beautiful Dilemma

Modern relationships are going through a season of re-thinking. Whether you’re aware of it or not, this process of re-defining and re-imagining relationships have been going on for some time. As structures of patriarchy are now imploding in every way possible — personally and collectively, we are at a crossroads, where the masculine has to face its demons. This poses a challenge to men (and those who identify with the masculine) who want to progress and shed any remnant of internalized patriarchy they may have — whether conscious or unconscious.

As we see the symbols toxic masculinity occupy the White House and every powerful institution, we see the feminine rise in response to it. The distortion that’s occurring out of this energetic confrontation is bringing to surface the dance of contradictions that is inherent in every relationship. Ideas and pondering that are born out of half-baked thought processes propagate social media feeds, feeding more into the chaos of this contradiction — where the feminine at times reacts with a masculine manifestation.

For men (and those who identify with the masculine) who are in relationships, this presents a beautiful dilemma — a contradiction that pushes for growth. An uncomfortable space where we are asked the almost-impossible. We are asked to give freedom, but also security… to give familiarity, but also mystery…to give danger, but also safety…so the list goes.

This may sound like a problem, but it really is not. This tension is where wholeness is found. In the space between these contradictions is where healing happens.

This space has the potential to create room for much contemplation and change for all who are masculine dominant. Only through the contemplation of the masculine can the feminine be healed. The feminine has suffered millenia of oppression and suppression at the hands of the masculine. A little discomfort for the masculine is not much to ask in exchange for healing the feminine and to rid of all toxicity from the masculine.

Here are some words inspired by Esther Perel. This is what the feminine is singing to the masculine. I hope the masculine hears her.

Give me freedom,

but give me security.

Give me closeness,

but give me distance.

Give me excitement,

but give me stability.

Give me danger,

but give me safety.

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Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.

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