I want to tell you about the time I found out how beautiful forgiveness can be. Forgiving is sometimes a very hard thing to do, but once you forgive someone, it is always beautiful and somehow very peaceful.
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
When I was 17, I became best friends with a boy named Jacob. Jacob had already graduated from school at the time and left for university. Our friendship began with a simple “Hi” via Facebook chat and very soon we were talking every single day. Since I still had one more year to finish school, we initially only kept in touch during my vacation times. Those were the times when you were only allowed to be on the internet during the school holidays and your parents wouldn’t buy you a phone until you turned 18. One year after Jacob left school, I graduated and left town for the university as well. We were doing our degrees in different countries, but we connected again and pretty quickly reverted to our habit of texting every day.
Jacob and I talked about anything and everything under the sun. But things started to change once our lives got busier. One thing led to the other and soon I was accusing him of being a soulless asshole and he said I was being too dramatic. One time when I told him that I loved him, he claimed that I was painting this whole relationship to be something that it was not. That really hurt. When I tried to tell him that, he said I was overreacting. After this, each time we talked, we simply ended up fighting. The fights got worse every time. We went from texting every day to a couple of times a week, and then from once a month to once every year to no contact at all for a few years. Even if one of us reached out, we just responded with one-word answers. At this point, I was convinced that this was the end of our friendship. So I let go. Forgave him for hurting me and simply moved on with my life.
But then in 2018, he reached out to wish me Happy Birthday. I couldn’t believe it. He always forgot to wish me on my birthday when we used to be best friends. But this time, out of the blue he wished me — on the exact date! I was very surprised and it made me so incredibly happy. So we began talking again. We were reminiscing about the old times and apologized to each other. We opened up to each other with complete honesty about what drove us to act the way we did and that was all it took to forgive each other and to re-kindle the relationship.
That’s the thing about the heart. Imagine you love someone so dearly and they hurt you, and you grow apart for quite some time. But if you can find your way back to each other and have the courage to forgive that person, your heart will default back into loving them so dearly again.
Or at least, that’s what I have learned about myself. Anyways, he and I became best friends all over again. We don’t talk often these days. We live on opposite sides of the world, the time difference between us is crazy and we both live a very busy life. But when we do catch up, we pick up right where we left off. I am so thankful that he reached out when he did and that I found it in my heart to forgive him and let him back into my life. Watching him grow into the person he is today and seeing him get all excited about the next milestone in his life makes me truly happy.
Jacob and I haven’t seen each other in person since 2011, but our friendship somehow grew stronger through love and forgiveness over these past few years. Today, I proudly tell him that I love him and he proudly says it back. We now understand and acknowledge the love we have for each other, which is not at all romantic in any way (it never was), but nonetheless strong enough to save our friendship from the biggest fallout I have ever experienced.
If I learned anything from this, dear readers, then it’s this. It is so hard to forgive someone who has hurt you to the core. And not everyone deserves our forgiveness. But I genuinely believe that you should teach yourself to forgive without hesitation, regardless of if the person deserves it or not.
When you forgive someone, two things are likely to happen: either your relationship with that person changes for the better. Or you get the closure that you need to move on in peace.
Forgiveness can only improve your relationship with someone if you both acknowledge the hurt you have experienced or caused and put in the effort to be better to each other. However, that doesn’t mean you have to wait for that change in the other person. Sometimes these negative feelings drag us down so much, that once you decide to forgive that person (or yourself, for that matter), you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your heart. But truly forgiving someone or forgiving yourself takes a lot of courage and (self) love.
So either way, there is beauty in forgiveness. And I hope each one of you is brave enough, to find it within yourself to experience that beauty for yourself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Anthony Tran on Unsplash