The toxic “Man Box” affects every facet of life. But Cameron Conaway says we all have the ability to change it.
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Now the conversation has pivoted, as it has for years when such acts of violence are committed, to this question: Why do men commit these crimes? There’s the biology argument, that this is related to genetics and hormones and that men are simply maladjusted to the less physical demands of the 21st century. The idea makes sense but comes with a tag that says, “Nothing can be done. Carry on.”
But there’s something else at work and it’s something we all have the ability to change.
The Man Box.
Urban Dictionary defines the Man Box as:
“The rules for ‘acting like a man’; the mentality, behaviors and restrictions that many men and boys are socialized to conform to. These tenets of the ‘cult of masculinity’ are both symptoms and enablers of Dominator Culture. They can be so pervasive as to be almost invisible; yet they lead men to disrespect, mistreat, and abuse women and each other.”
Check out the video below. Thoughtful comments by Josh Thomas are tempered by Bob trying to drag him and the important conversation back into the Man Box where he (and society in general) feels safe and have been conditioned to live in:
We can and should rally our love in times of tragedy. Yes, the confederate flag should come down. Yes, we must as a society talk about race (and yes this includes talking about race relations in our schools). However, our conversation must also address toxic masculinity, what systemic and cultural norms work on how men define themselves, their values and their sense of importance. The Man Box impacts us all and manifests itself in every facet of life, including the choosing of what foods to eat:
Parting Exercise:
Take 5 minutes to reflect on how you’ve encouraged boys and men to get back in the box.
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Originally published at Cameron Conaway. Reprinted with permission.Photos: WGAC, Colorado State University; Patrik Neckman, Flickr
The underlying notion that this idea is trying to solve is that men are more physically violent than women. The folk logic of this idea then becomes one that if men could simply behave more like women, then violence could be reduced. This is the epitome of social sciences non-scientific wisdom. Things unconsidered: – Structures and hierarchies reduce violence – Increased fluidity may not provide for increased expressions – Free will is a hotly contested idea. This could delivers a big wrench to the spokes. (see compatibilism versus incompatibilism) – The biological component is hand waived for fear of determinism… Read more »
There’s nothing wrong with abrogating or denouncing outdated, regressive or otherwise repressive societal stereotypes- though I might take the somewhat contrarian perspective that belief in (and enunciation of) the notion that there IS a (detrimental) ‘man box’ to be disassembled and ‘liberated from’ is in itself also quantifying, solidifying, and perpetuating this very notional box it seeks to end. Even in its deepest, harshest critique of gendered behaviors and mentalities, it still insists we eye such things with a heavily GENDERED lens, rather than discarding the lens as obsolete and invalid, which I believe would be a more humane and humanist… Read more »
OK,so the author of this ‘Toxic Masculinity’ troupe used to bloody and beat men up in a cage for the enjoyment and entertainment of others. But now he’s enlightened, yeah ok…
“The rules for ‘acting like a man’; the mentality, behaviors and restrictions that many men and boys are socialized to conform to. These tenets of the ‘cult of masculinity’ are both symptoms and enablers of Dominator Culture. They can be so pervasive as to be almost invisible; yet they lead men to disrespect, mistreat, and abuse women and each other.” I think this definition leaves out something very important. …yet they lead men to disrespect, mistreat, and themselves abuse women and each other. One thing that is rarely talked about is how men internalize the components of this box and… Read more »
Oh please, y’all don’t give a damn about actually freeing men from a box, you just don’t like the way the current box looks. Every article about a return to “chivalry” undermines any point GMP might have about “Toxic Masculinity”
The message you send is clear: “Men should be whatever is best for women”
The Charleston shooter had little to do with those aspects of the man box. Those are simply the aspects that are politically correct to complain about. He says “You rape our women.” a direct reference to men’s role as protector, but it isn’t PC to challenge the protector / provider role in fact men are urged to protect / provide for women. Homelessness has become a problem because women are an increasing percentage of the homeless even though as many as 9 in 10 are men. Student loans are a problem now that women make up 60% of the people… Read more »
Exactly. Its trying to have the proverbial cake and eat it too. #heforshe, men can stop rape (as if women don’t rape and have no responsibility to stop), etc. We see it all the time in demands for chivalry, etc. Considering that the big advertisement/endorsement for this campaign was Emma Watson’s speech in which she explicitly mentioned the ways in which men are oppressed this one stung a lot. Watson’s speech sounded like a real attempt to acknowledge men’s experiences and try to bring men and women together on issues that affect us all….and it was used as an endorsement… Read more »