The Cons of Being a Womanizer

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There are guys whose presence is hard to remain unnoticed for females. The moment they step into the room, lady heads cannot stop but to fixate on them. They’re either greeted by the playful smile of a lone minx or unknowingly draw the attention of the high-heeled pack at the dim-lit corner table. Those men have a certain kind of aura — radiant confidence that effortlessly reveals itself in how they step into the spotlight.

Calmly and steadily, their face toned by a subtle smile, they walk across the room in an almost cinematic manner, ignoring the obvious attention, and order their drink. With that, the show is initiated and some flirty action usually doesn’t require a long wait.

I used to be that kind of a man. It didn’t matter whether I took off my motorcycle helmet, adjusted the lapel of my European-made jacket, or stepped out of my car — my motions spoke that I knew pretty accurately what was going to happen next.

Success or the lack of it became more of a matter of overcoming laziness than the probability-based numbers game it usually is. I had different cards to play for different occasions — it was only a matter of sensing the scene right.

I once got laid solely for sounding like Tom Ellis, for instance. The girl was a big Anglophile, and although I’m not of English descent, I just by accident happen to sound British. I only had to open my mouth by saying, “Shall we… ,” to make the girl’s fantasy of Mr. Morningstar spring to life — and we found ourselves heading to my place shortly afterwards.

Looking at the life of a womanizer like that, it doesn’t seem too bad — right?

Nor does it seem to be a reason for complaining that a womanizer easily acquires certain skills that many men only dream of getting proficient at.

For instance, as a womanizer, it’s quite likely you’ll become increasingly good at sex and have much more to offer to women than your peers. The correlation between extensive practice and excellence just happens to favor that. If you also are mature enough to show above average signs of selflessness, you can deliver unforgettable experiences and shift the boundaries of what ladies perceive as possible.

In addition, you also get radiating, magnetic confidence as a byproduct of womanizing. That happens, because the experiences you accumulate in conjunction with awareness about what you have to offer will eliminate any insecurity you ever felt in the proximity of women. You’re going to be cool and calm to the extent of often looking indifferent to the beautiful ladies surrounding you. This is a phenomenon that stems from being aware that somewhere in the near future you’re going score anyway. And, instead of looking like a desperate gazing weirdo, you’re going to be attractively content.

Now — what if I told you this is only one side of the coin?

The life of a womanizer does seemingly hold some merits in itself. I can’t deny that. But more importantly, it will also affect you negatively. And to my experience, the cons outweigh the pros.

Allow me to introduce those cons:

1. Boredom
I witnessed firsthand how regular success makes a game once so thrilling as predictable as grocery shopping.

You will lose the excitement and novelty from intimate encounters if they happen too frequently and without much effort.

And, although beautiful women come in different shapes, sizes, and ages, the basic anatomy of casual lust release still remains the same.

You start with moderate peacocking, rapidly build up mutual infatuation over some superficial yet appealing feature, and jointly perform a discreet exit when the time is right. What follows does, obviously, not require further explanation for the grown-up person.

I’ve heard eternal bachelors claim they do what they do because of an insatiable admiration for womankind. They allegedly follow an urge that drives them to explore the varieties in which women exist — the curiosity for the novel naked body or the longing for a different sensation.

The truth is, however, that the number of different behaviors, genitalia, or even nationalities, is limited. Sooner or later you’ll start to recognize patterns, which will shortly be followed by boredom. Or do you know anyone who gets particularly thrilled by their shopping list and their regular visit to the supermarket?

I don’t….

People eventually get used to everything. And sex — despite its initial kick — is sadly no exception.

As if boredom concerning one of the most enjoyable aspects of human existence is not bad enough, indulging in casual romance too frequently will also leave a mark on your attitudes towards women in general. As with any craft, you’ll become increasingly efficient over time. But seeing how easy it is to lure someone into bed will eventually make you question the morality of all women.

2. Doubts

You will start to doubt the whole of female kind and you will stop believing that anyone would have the potential of being a decent spouse.

With simple words — you will be disappointed and cynicism is likely to set in.

That happens because what you see is generally what you believe. And when you constantly see promiscuity, it becomes only natural to assume that all those women you encounter offer themselves to many more men — and do that frequently.

The perspective of marrying a mattress, however, isn’t one of a particularly appealing kind. This potentially leads to avoidant behavior regarding serious relationships or a general loss of respect and trust for women, which further triggers the self-maintaining habit loop of casual romance.

Seldom does the successful womanizer understand that although there are wicked exceptions, the majority of women usually do not sleep with everybody, they do have standards, and are actually quite picky. He also tends to remain blind to the fact that most women aren’t prone to infidelity whilst in a good and fulfilling relationship.

Instead, the womanizer easily gets stuck in a twisted perspective which makes him see nearly all women as disgraceful.

. . .

The biggest lesson, however, occurred to me when I — despite all my womanizing — found someone to settle down with.

3. Shame

Namely, when you finally are face to face with your true love, you’re going to be utterly ashamed of your previous self.

That is because your prior adventures will not be left behind the day you swear to dedicate yourself to that one special woman.

You’ll bump into your previous conquests on the streets, at the petrol station, in the theater, or the grocery store.

You might even get the occasional text message from someone eager to recreate the naughty happenings of the past. There might also be quite a few places you’ll have to avoid in the future— in order to steer clear of awkward situations.

But that’s not all.

Imagine looking into the eyes of the most unblemished and decent girl you have ever met, who proudly wears the engagement ring you gave her. You have sworn to be true to her and you know you will. But what do you tell her about the lecherous past of yours when she happens to ask?

Do you dare to tell her about the numbers, or the former objectification of women?

Or how romance was just a careless game for you, which you eventually played with machine-like automaticity, discarding one woman after another?

If you’re like me — a man who despite his womanizing has always valued honesty — you’re going to tell her the truth.

But what kind of a light does that shine on you and your promises of love, commitment and fidelity?

Rest assured, it doesn’t exactly add weight to your vows.

Thus— if someone desires to be the real-life embodiment of Mr. Morningstar, he’d better acknowledge the full scope of consequences such a life brings about.

Although confidence and outstanding sexual skills are of great value, there are also alternative ways of gaining those two. I’ve seen people with far less experience than me, who were yet just as skilled and self-assured as I. They had gained all of that in good long-term relationships.

Consequently, I’m not even sure whether presenting the acquisition of sexual skills and confidence via womanizing is something appropriate. Probably not — excuse me for that.

However, what I am sure of is the fact that living an excessively lecherous life will damage your psyche, negatively alter your views on women and relationships, and can possibly decrease your credibility in the eyes of others and yourself. Take it from a former womanizer.

So think — what is it that you really desire?

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Previously published on medium.com and is republished here under permission.
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