The Day My Body Said “No” Before My Mind Could Find the Words

Originally published on my personal blog, I wanted to share this experience with the Hello Love community as it highlights the deep connection between our past and our physical reactions today.

I wanted to write something about body memory and an exercise we did during our somatic psychotherapy module.

Maybe this will encourage some of you to explore somatic psychotherapy, instead of staying solely in your head and intellect by reading and talking.

It is true, for me 100%. And it affects my reactions.

The exercise immediately felt powerful, even daunting. The lecturer explained that she would play the mother, and another student would play the child. The child was happily playing in their room, content and joyful. Then the mother entered.

The mother first greeted the child, praised him, and asked what he was doing, and the child responded. Then, the mother began to close down the activity. She told the child that he needed to start tidying up his toys and finish playing because dinner was ready and it was getting late. The child heard this, ignored it, and continued playing. But the mother didn’t give in; she intensified her voice, both in words and volume. During this, the “child” was instructed to persist in their “NO,” to insist they weren’t going to stop yet, that it wasn’t late, and that they would keep playing. The mother escalated her demand, and the child held firm in theirs.

Even now, just writing this gives me goosebumps.

The situation became very intense and demanding. Talking escalated into an argument, shouting, and demands, met by a wall of “NO” from the child.

As a spectator, I already started to experience a lot:

• tightness in my chest,
• restlessness,
• discomfort.

I didn’t like it and would have preferred to withdraw. But the exercise was designed for me to recognize what happens to me when I say no, what awakens within me.

What am I afraid of? How do I breathe? Where does it feel tight? What is difficult for me? Do the words even come out of me? Does my throat allow it?

All of this then happened to me when I played the child myself.

It was harder for me to play the child than it was for the actual child.

And when I played the mother, I couldn’t be clear and decisive, which tells me I still have a lot of work to do there. My throat really didn’t want to let out any sound, or very, very little. Tears came to my eyes. Feelings of love for my mother mingled with my voice, which knew it didn’t want to stop playing yet but didn’t know how to express it, didn’t know where to find permission.

The exercise very clearly showed me that I have a lot hidden in my body. Many feelings, prohibitions, discomforts, and things I’m not aware of. I’m becoming increasingly aware that these things guide me, my actions, and my reactions, because the body leads the way.

For many years, I focused solely on reading, understanding, and talking, believing that most of my issues could be resolved that way. Today, I’m 100% convinced that most things are hidden in the bodily unconscious.

And this can be seen, accessed, and changed through exercises like those in somatic psychotherapy training. Today, most global research confirms this and also yields good results.

I recommend that everyone give themselves the opportunity to explore themselves at this level as well. Only then can fundamental changes be made and your reactions in real life truly transformed.

If this resonates with you, I highly recommend reading “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. It’s not an easy read, but it has a lot of deepth.

If you liked it, I will be happy for some support for my future writings.